Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

How can i "get over" sending my daughter off to college?

My daughter is at summer b. in college. She has been gone for 3 weeks. She has come home once to see her boyfriend and a short visit with us. She has a wonderful dorm, great friends already and is very independent. We have had a very close, healthy relationship. I have done well in raising her and she is thriving. This is my problem, I a missing her so badly, I am having trouble functioning without her. I have a 13 year old boy to raise, but I can't seem to shake the "empty nest" feeling of emptyness.. We are on facebook... No help! The thought of her going away in the fall makes me cry all over again. I am not the only women who has sent her daughter off to college. Any suggestions from you moms who have been there? I wish I could here something from her daily but I know I have to let her go. Thanks

 
pepperannrocks

Asked by pepperannrocks at 10:43 AM on Jul. 22, 2009 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 2 (8 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • thank you for your great advice!. But,why must i do what every parent does.? all I am asking for in return is a little more communication this is not hard to do unless you are doing it on purpose, which is possible, this brings me to another issue. Did she miss the empathy train."hey mom went for a bike ride, class,the gym yesterday luv ya" how is that asking too much. Sorry but I am standing behin my beliefs of common respect for any human being not just mother. Just because most boys lie around the age of 10 does'nt make it ok. and just because daughters leave the home and expect not to be bothered is not flying with me. I will continue on my quest and insist respect. will that drive her away. well the door swings both ways. I too can be driven away! Yes I have reached the angry phase and about to tell her how I feel. She has 2 days to communicate with me before this happens. Its Meghan's world we just live in it? NOT
    pepperannrocks

    Answer by pepperannrocks at 2:50 PM on Jul. 24, 2009

  • mom remember you don't have a 13 year old boy to raise, you have a 13 year old son to raise.

    I have two kids in college and one in highschool. One went to college for the first time when we moved out of state.

    Get yourself now involved in evening daytime weekend activities with your son your other child and set things up now. Keep the tv on radio on for company.

    When I went away to college my mom gave me a week's worth of little presents to open one a day. Now these days another thing you can do is to buy her a couple of long distance and local telephone company calling cards so that even if she has a cell phone, she will always be able to call you if she looses it or it's out of range.
    Make sure dd knows she can call you any hour of the day or night to say hi, don't limit your availability to certain hours-that in itself give emotional distance.

    Remember your daughter is growing. That why you had her to grow her.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:51 AM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • You are very lucky to feel this way! Although I love my daughter I couldn't wait for her to leave for college.....LOL!

    Time will take care of the "empty nest" syndrome. Try to "wean" yourself away from talking to her everyday. Although Facebook is a wonderful way to keep in touch, it can also be a crutch for not dealing with her being gone. Be careful that you don't let her being gone consume your life, you don't want your son feeling like he isn't as important to you as she is.

    Best of luck to you.
    Dyndudes

    Answer by Dyndudes at 10:56 AM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • I am in the EXACT same place as you are...only my daughter is starting her Sr year this year. We are already visiting colleges. She has taken her placement tests, she is a very strong, beautiful, smart and independent woman and that is the problem, we are insanely close and the thought of not waking up or going to bed with her in our home is devistating to say the least. I am beyond proud of her and am so blessed to have such a great kid...but I can't help feeling a little more than lost at the thought. I too have a 13 year old at home....ARGGGGG..
    Congrats to you though mom it sounds as though you have done an amazing job of raising an equally amazing daughter..God bless and best of luck to your entire family.
    mamakirs

    Answer by mamakirs at 11:07 AM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • My mom and I are very close, and when I went off to college, it was hard for not only her, but for me, too. Certainly I was entering a new phase in my life and it was exciting, but the comfort of having my mom to lean on whenever I needed her was no longer there-- I couldn't just sit at the kitchen table and ramble on about what was in my head. I missed her terribly, but I knew that she would want me to venture out on my own.

    My mom always said that the hallmark of a good parent is one who raises their child to stand on their own two feet with the tools to achieve their definition of success. With this in mind, I knew I needed to make her proud, and I wanted to show her she was a great parent.

    Just know that your daughter misses you, too, and there will be moments when she'll need you there. But the more independent she becomes, the better job you did as a parent!
    Busimommi

    Answer by Busimommi at 12:28 PM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • BOY CAN I RELATE!!! I HAVE DONE THIS THREE TIMES ALREADY AND IT DOESN'T GET ANY EASIER!!!! WHAT I DID, WAS ASK TO HAVE A DAILY CALL, NOTHING TOO ELABORATE JUST TO HEAR THEIR VOICE AND FEEL THEY WERE OK. THEY COMPLIED AND THIS IS HOW I HAVE MADE IT THROUGH. I AM NOW ON MY WAY TO PICK UP MY SONS THINGS FROM FSU, HE HAS BEEN GONE FOR 4 YEARS, AND TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH, IT WENT BY PRETTY FAST, HE IS COMING HOME FOR NOW I DON'T KNOW HOW LONG HE WILL STAY. AS FAR AS I AM CNCERNED, HE CAN STAY INDEFENITELY. BUT I AM AWARE THAT HE WON'T, THE CYCLE OF LIFE WILL CONTINUE, NOW IF ONLY I COULD GET SOME GRANDKIDS TO REPLACE THOSE EMPTY SPOTS!!!!
    LISTEN HEARING FROM HER ON A DAILY BASIS IS NOT ASKING MUCH, YOU ALREADY HAVE LET GO, BUT SHE MUST UNDERSTAND THIS IS NOT AN EASY TRANSITION FOR PARENTS EITHER. AFTER ALL IS SAID AND DONE, THEY KEEP THE HABIT OF THE CALL, GOOD LUCK, YOU WILL BE FINE!
    older

    Answer by older at 12:47 PM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • I will be sending my youngest son off to college in August.

    It's bittersweet, happy is going to forge his own life, and sad because I wont see him everyday. He seems to be in a hurry to go, and I seem to want the next 3 weeks to DRAG by.

    After all is said and done, I happy because he is happy. By this time next year I will be in full MOTHER OF THE GROOM mode for my oldest.. Damn should have brought up dolts.



    PestPatti

    Answer by PestPatti at 1:09 PM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • sorry but I was thrilled to empty my nest. I gave all three of my kids everything I had to offer for 18 yrs and when it was time for them to go I proudly sent them off knowing they would do well and they would find their fate. I knew they would be busy and involved in learning new things and meeting new people. I was emotionally prepared for it so it wasn't a problem for me. I only keep in touch with one now but she drives me nuts calling and txting and IMing me all the time! They all have families now and life is good for them. That's what matters. You put too much into her and lost yourself. Find yourself again and the tears will stop. I'm sure she wouldn't want you crying. She'd want you happy for her and for yourself. Every tear you shed crying over her is cheating the son out of quality time with him and probably makes him feel like you don't care about him as much. Work on that but don't get lost in him and lose you
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 2:05 PM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • I am sorry, but I dont agree with admckenzie. Every tear you shed is not cheating your son out of anything. It is perfectly ok to feel sad that she is gone. The other posters gave you some good ideas. That is great that some are ready for their kids to go, but I never ever want to say "I only keep in touch with one of my kids." NEVER could I say that it makes me sad just thinking it! :( My mom and I were super close like you described in the relationship with your daughter. I think I went away a lot like she did. Ready to go, made lots of friends right away and I thrived. BUT, I always needed my mom! She will, too. I now only get to email or call, as we live states apart. But, I still talk to her in some form every single day and think about her all the time. Your daughter will do the same, I bet. But, do try and spend some time with your son now. Maybe a mother and son outing doing something he likes. Good luck! :)
    Glowing4Caleb

    Answer by Glowing4Caleb at 3:23 PM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • WOW admck? It makes me feel very sad to hear you say those things. I wish you would have gotten more out of your relationships with your children.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:43 PM on Jul. 22, 2009