Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

simi-open adoption...

okay i placed my daughter over a year ago, i was sopposed to receive pics, and updates about her at 3 mnth, 6months, 9mnths, and 12 months and i have only ever recieved one. i have called the adoption agency and they said they sent them all out but my address has never changed and i have asked them if they have the right one and they do, but still i have gotten nothing, what should i do, should i just lt it go. i really dongt want to, but i dont know what else to do.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 1:40 PM on Jul. 22, 2009 in Adoption

Answers (12)
  • Sad to say, you can only wait. Its entirely in the adoptive parents court whether you get those updates or not. Some of us have been waiting YEARS for promised pictures that never come. Legally, there's not a thing you can do. And if you put up too much of a fuss you might never see anything. God forbid we get "demanding" of the few piddly things that are promised to us. All you can do is just wait and pray they do what they said they would do.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:12 PM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • Oh and btw, its doubtful those things were sent to you if you never moved & they never got returned. Some agencies just say things. I know mine does.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:13 PM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • I wouldnt let the agency get away with that. I would call them and tell them that you havent received anything and to let the aparents know so they can pull together some more for you.

    I know there are LOTS of aparents who are anxious to share the details of their child's life with the bmom and would be happy to pull some more photos together for you.

    If they are local, can you walk into their office. I would be nice but firm.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:24 PM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • First of all, I am sorry to hear this! As an adoptive mom, I hate hearing stuff like this! Maybe the APs really sent them out, but maybe they didn't. It's hard to believe that multiple mailings to the correct address would have been lost. Maybe you could ask the SW at the agency if they will relay the message that you didn't get the pics and updates. My agency would be all over us if we pulled that, but I know they're not all going to do anything about it.

    I love sending the pics and updates to our kids' bmoms because I know they think my kids are just as adorable as I do! I hope you are able to get what you were promised.

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 2:51 PM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • Can you ask for more?

    Answer by 00momma00 at 6:30 PM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • I agree with lamgr....

    I send the our birthfather pictures through email everytime I get pictures developed.

    I would not sit on this...I would demand through the agency that you are to get what was promised to you.
    Keep calling them and let them know that you mean business...

    good luck

    Answer by Dannee at 8:47 PM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • That is straight crap!! Call the attorney that represented you during the adoption and NOT the adoption agency!! The adoption agency I am going through requires the birth mother to have her own attorney so that there is no conflict-of-interest. During the adoption process, the adoptive parents will be paying the attorney, but if I need her services after the fact, the bill is on me.

    You have an post-adoption agreement, dont you? A signed one? That will hold up in court and even if they say they send you the pictures and you didnt get them, they will have to supply you with more!

    Answer by Jaydin_Makenna at 4:40 PM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • I agree that you should keep bugging the agency. However, legally speaking, there is not much you can do. Post-adoption agreements are rarely enforceable in most states, so they are generally not worth much.

    Answer by Southernroots at 10:31 AM on Jul. 24, 2009

  • I would send the agency letters you write and pictures you want your child to have. This way the agency passes them on and it lets the adoptive family know that you still want updates. Keep them brief and reassure them, and your child, you are doing well. This way they read that you are healthy and moving forward. If this were me I would include some nugget about myself that later your child can gain some perspective on later in life. Perhaps even a picture of you now and a picture of you at the age your child currently is if you have them. They may be scared that you will want to take the child from them. It is not your job to constantly reassure them. It is your right to at least try to connect with your child in an appropriate way. It sounds like they may be scared but I would keep writing every two months. In the end your child will look for you: so keep copies of letters and photos sent. They will have to

    Answer by frogdawg at 9:11 PM on Jul. 25, 2009

  • answer her questions one day when she comes to them knowing that you always tried. In the mean time the agency will continue to forward on letters if they know where they are. The other thing is that your child will try to track you by starting with the adoption agency. Always keep them informed of when you move and how to reach you.

    Answer by frogdawg at 9:12 PM on Jul. 25, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.