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to mother in laws and older moms

ok so im 19 yrs old and due in a few weeks with my first husband just got out of the army due to medical reasons, but now that he's home his step mom is being over bearing with trying to control everything, such as questions like; is he going to work right now? , are you making sure she's going to the doctor?; and if we dont let her know exactly what we are doing all the time she becomes more overbearing...we have tried to tell her over and over again that we are adults and can make our own decisions and dont need her to parent over that we are having the baby, she says we cant have it on a saturday cuz thats when his dad races and now that my husbands stepmom has met her real mother (she was adopted) she now says i have to ask my doctor to induce me on august 9th since thats her real brothers bday....i need some advice on how to deal with her any advice?

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Asked by dilemma1 at 3:06 PM on Jul. 22, 2009 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • If you are living with her.....move out. If you are on your own....TELL her to back off....leave you guys alone....get a life...whatever you need to tell her. Otherwise, you can look forward to her running and ruining your life together.

    Answer by Southerncharmes at 3:25 PM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • I moved 1500 miles away from my overbearing mother.

    Answer by writeon at 4:34 PM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • If you are living with her, I agree - you guys need to move out. As far as her telling you guys how to live your life - let it go in one ear & out the other. YOU have to decide what kind of wife and mother you are going to be! Suggestions and advice are one thing.....

    As far as telling you when you have to have your baby - ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!! I would NOT be educed - you are 19 - no dr in his right mind will educe you anyways unless there is a medical reason. Your baby knows when he/she wants to be welcomed into this world! Again - in one ear, out the other! If it were me, I would HOPE to go into labor very early in the morning on a Saturday & be there all day!!! (with an epidural!)

    My best advice - in one ear, out the other.

    Answer by RutterMama at 5:40 PM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • OK I am a mom, step mom, mother in law. Please do not be concerned. If you are having the baby naturally they need to leave you alone. It is not up to them to decide when. IT IS THE human body. As for being concerned I am I give my advice they take it or leave it no problem. I pray that you will find your answers but only you and your DH can find them. GOOD LUCK! Keep me posted how it goes if you are able.


    Answer by peacefulkids at 8:52 PM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • Just laugh at her. Live your own life and ignore her demands. She is a control freak and needs to chill. I can't believe that ppl still butt into the lives of you youngsters. I have a grandson your age and I'd never think of telling him how to live his life. He has a gf and they live together and make their own decisions. They are fine and making their own decisions is how they grow, together as well as individually. You stand your ground. I still think you should laugh at her to show her how ridiculous she sounds. I know I would at your age or at mine. She sounds silly even saying that stuff. (plus laughing at her will piss her off! lol)

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:00 PM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • I agree with most of the other answers. If you live with her...time to move her home it's her rules.

    However the idea that she gets to choose when you have your baby is ludicrous!!! It's one thing to ask if your husband is going to work (and that is only if she is supporting you!) it's a whole other thing to tell you to be induced on a certain date. If you are not living with her....I'd ignore her, and possibly not answer the phone let your hubby deal with her!!!

    Answer by ohwrite at 9:09 PM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • as a mother of a live in mooch "adult child"..... Move Out. In two months I have learned that I Can Hate a Child that I gave birth to. At first I thought it was the long trip that they made to get here, and that she was just moody and starting her period. Nope. She's just an ingrate that still believes I OWE her. In two mo. She has received near to 3000$. She has yet to spend more than 30$ in the house. She owes me 55$. They broke my coffee table and borrowed 20$. ( i saw a coffee table at a 2nd hand store for 35$ so that's how much I told them they had to pay for a new table.) 5 weeks later and there's so much room in the living room with no coffee table. My dd is losing me. She Knows this because I have tried to get her involved, I'm Tired Of Trying. Give up Is All I have left for her if she does not move out soon. Save your relationship for you do not know how it will feel when, It's Too Late. Move as quickly as you


    Answer by MamasTooOld at 6:30 AM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • thank u for all ur advice...and to clear things up we are living on our own

    Answer by dilemma1 at 11:39 AM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • Sometimes its hard to accept that our kids are grown, I have a son 19 and have really had to work at backing off I have learned he is responsible and can handle things on his own. Somehow maybe have a heart to heart and tell her you are grown up and going to be a parent and would appreciate her trusting that you can handle things. That is basically what he told me. I knew he was right and chilled out. As for the inducing labor she is just nuts for asking you to do that!

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:26 PM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • She sounds like a winner.....i am very happy to hear you are living on your own. My advice? Change the locks and your phone number. Ok, that maybe a bit harsh but the nerve of this women to even think of telling you when to have your baby. Honestly, she sounds like she has issues. You are married and living on your own. She has no right to tell you anything. How does your hubby feel? I hope you two are on the same page. Sad as this sounds, I would limit the contact you have with her. Tell her you appreciate the advice but you two can, and will, make your own decisions. What's the worst that can happen? She stops speaking to you? Sounds like that might not be so bad. Best of luck with the new baby and hope your hubby is ok.

    Answer by connorsmom1970 at 11:48 PM on Aug. 5, 2009

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