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This question is for anyone who felt "cheated" when it came to their birth experiance.

My doctor says they will accommodate me when it comes to what I want during labor and birth but i highly doubt that! I pretty much told him i want to be left alone and i mean ALONE. I told him I know what my body can do and I know when i need help and he looked at me like i was crazy. I told him if he cant accommodate that then i will be looking into a midwife and he tried to scare me out of it.

Does anyone feel that their Dr. tried to guilt them into doing something they didn't want to do? Or did your Dr. make you feel like they were trying to scare you into things you didn't want?

I know i will get bashed for asking this but I am curious about the experiences of the women who really feel they were cheated by the Dr. or hospital staff during their birth experience.
I have switched Dr.s but unless I go with a midwife I feel I will not get the experience I want for me and my child!


Asked by Alie1313 at 3:15 PM on Jul. 22, 2009 in Pregnancy

Level 1 (3 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (20)
  • lilbit, are you actually saying that mothers who have a midwife care less about their baby than the experience? How dare you!

    I chose a midwife because I wanted as little stress and as much support as I could have. I was in a hospital just in case. And it turns out I did need a c-section, but just because I had a mid-wife didn't mean that I wasn't safe.

    But I was so comforted and supported by my midwife and the people I had there that I was actually able to sleep between contractions even as my labor progressed. I didn't stress at all. The only part that bothered me was having a c-section, I didn't want to but I had to. So I still feel a little cheated that I didn't get to push her out and then I had a long time healing from my incision.

    You don't know anything about what another mother is thinking when they choose the person who will deliver their child. What you said was nasty and rude.

    Answer by casperskitty at 4:01 PM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • If you're wanting the entire holistic, non medical, zen-like approach to child birth and feel that if you don't have your baby without drugs then you might as well go with a mid wife, then do that. We don't always get what we want. You may find out that there are things your body is not capable of handling or doing even though you think you can.

    I swore up and down that I would be able to push my son out. WRONG! Too much scarring on my cervix from cancer put my in failure to progress and an emergency c-section with a son born dying and he had to spend his first 3 weeks in a NICU for surfactant deficiency.

    There is a reason that doctors go to medical school and have residency programs. If you know more than the doctor by reading the pregnancy books then don't go to him anymore. Many women feel the same way.

    I just wouldn't risk the life of my baby because I'm being hard headed and stubborn.

    Answer by lilbit022009 at 3:19 PM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • No, I agree. My doc said it herself though, "Maybe I'm baised towards hospitals because I've seen so many worst-case scenarios." But, she suggested the midwife in her practice. Oddly enough, your doc doesn't even see that as safe. Odd.

    Answer by Gothiclovesick at 3:21 PM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • I switched to a midwife at 7 months pregnant with my first child, because of precisely what you are describing. My OB had been very pushy about inducing me ON MY ESTIMATED DUE DATE, which I knew could be up to 2 weeks wrong (since I hadn't remembered my last period date). When I asked her about her C-section rate, she asked me if I would like an elective C-section - she seemed excited about it!
    So after this experience I tried switching to a different OB, who was less pushy but still used fear tactics to get me to make a decision, instead of supported my husband and I in making our own informed decisions about how we wanted to be treated during birth.
    We ended up interviewing and finding a midwife for a home birth, which we are thankful for. She was experienced and knew what she was doing. I know how you feel - GL on your journey!

    Answer by joshuasmommy327 at 3:24 PM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • Even if they suggest the midwife in their practice doesn't mean anything. The practice I go to has 3 midwives. It was a midwife that wanted to schedule an induction for my last son. No thanks, he will come when he is ready.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:26 PM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • i would have your baby in the hospital with doctors their. theirs so many things that can go wrong. my sister umbillical cord was rapped around her neck and they had to do an emergency csection so that she wouldnt die. and thats just one of the things that can go wrong. you will feel so horrible if something went wrong and you or your baby couldnt get to the hospital in time to save him or you. that is why they have hospitals. your experience should still be amazing, its still the birth of your son - no matter where you do it.

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 3:34 PM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • Previous poster, please don't describe all midwifes as non-medical. My midwife is a CPM and capable of everything an OB is, minus the surgery. If I need an emergency C-section, we are within minutes of a hospital - which it usually takes the hospital around 10-20 minutes to prep the OR for a C-section. Having a midwife does not mean we are turning our nose at modern medicine or thinking that everything has to go perfectly.
    In fact, my last birth, which was at home with a midwife, didn't go perfectly. I had a complication come up with the delivery of the afterbirth that was handled safely by my midwife (who had been delivering babies and gaining knowledge for 15 years longer than the 3 OBs that I interviewed).

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:34 PM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • Previous posterS*

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:35 PM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • hopefully you even get the chance to have it vaginally if your lucky. when i had my son, my water broke at 34 weeks and they tried to induce me but my cervix wasnt dialating so they had to give me a csection so that he wouldnt get an infection since my water broke already. my water was broken for 60 hrs before they gave me the csection, and he had already gotten an ecoli infection but thankfully after 10 days in the NICU hes alright and healthy now. GL though

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 3:36 PM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • Sounds like you have a busy doctor who would like to see your labor and delivery go as quickly as possible even if that means resorting to interventions when you don't really need them. Most doctors only show up about the time you are ready to push anyway and they don't want to sit around for hours.

    I had a midwife and I loved her. She was there at the hospital right there with me the whole time. I would have loved to have had a home birth, but I am so glad I didn't do it. I ended up having a cesarean because my dd's head was stuck. But my midwife was so supportive and urged me to keep trying, I pushed for three hours. But in the end I had to give up, I just couldn't do it anymore. And my midwife was there in the room when they did my surgery. She kept her eyes on me the whole time, from the time she got there until I had delivered.

    Oh, I got to have juice and I got to move around. My midwife was great.

    Answer by casperskitty at 3:37 PM on Jul. 22, 2009