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Weird behavior from my ten year old advice?

When my son has his friends over, I try to be accommodating. Example if I make hot chocolate for my son, I'll make some for all of them. Some of them don't have parents around so I'll go out of my way to help them with homework, fix their bikes, give them clothes that my son's outgrown etc. My son hates me being a mom to his friends and I'm not sure why.

His behavior hurts his friends' feelings and a couple of kids have stopped coming over because of it. I told him if he keeps this up he'll end up loosing all the friends he's got but he doesn't seem to get it. Is it hormones because he's a tween? I noticed he's much more emotional over things that really shouldn't matter lately. These kids ask for my help with things so I kinda feel bad telling them no I can't help them. Should I back off some? Maybe I'm too involved?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:00 PM on Jul. 22, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

Answers (13)
  • Hes probably a little jealous. Your his mom and he may not like sharing, even if he has siblings he may not be very willing to share with everyone else.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:03 PM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • He's jealous, but you as the mom need to cure that jealousy streak before it affects his adult life and explain to him why you treat his friends with such benevolence and kindness and help him to do the same. You can do it, you have a kind heart.
    Gothiclovesick

    Answer by Gothiclovesick at 4:05 PM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • Thanks for the replies. I thought maybe I was embarrassing him in some way that I'm not realizing and that's why he's throwing these fits. The last thing I want to do is be an overbearing "Marie" type mom, lol.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:20 PM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • You need to make him understand that the reason he loves you so much is because you do these kinds of things. You are a kind person and would he look at you the same if you were not so kind?
    casperskitty

    Answer by casperskitty at 4:28 PM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • I agree - he is probably jealous and afraid that you are going to love them more than you love him. - Which is OBVIOUSLY not true! Explain to him that you do these things just to be nice and to help your friends because that is what friends do.
    RutterMama

    Answer by RutterMama at 5:31 PM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • Sounds like jealousy.
    paralegal09

    Answer by paralegal09 at 5:33 PM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • He's jealous and I would NOT back off. You are showing him how to be compassionate and helpful to those that don't have what he does. Explain to him why you are doing this. You are a kind hearted person and I would do the same thing for my son's friends and I have. I don't have much but there is always someone else that has less and I enjoy helping others.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 9:09 PM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • my DD is 9 and like this. She wants me all to herself. I found it best to talk to her before the playdate to tell her what she can expect from me. I say things to her like " our family shares" I let her tell me some things that would really bother her and we compromised. I also asked her for some ideas of ways I could be nice to her friends. She decided on homemade cookies. What a sweet girl, my cookies are so awful that would actually be mean to her friends, but she didnt seem to realize that. LOL
    giftmom

    Answer by giftmom at 1:06 AM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • Don't stop being compassionate. Your son will eventually learn from this
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 12:10 PM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • My advice is that sometimes we feel like we have been given a purpose and we want to go out of our way to fullfill this purpose. Well, it sounds like you want to be the mom some kids never had. Thats really kind and thoughtful, but you might be steping on some toes. If the kids dont ask for help, dont give it... unless they are hurt. They will be okay and they will figure it out for themselves. If you feel deep down you have alot of love to give and no enough people to give it to, volunteer with Big brothers Big sisters, or even become a fostermom. That way you won't be interfearing with your sons friends, and you will still beable to spread your love and generosity around by helping people.
    Hollytree

    Answer by Hollytree at 3:32 PM on Jul. 23, 2009

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