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i need a bit of help. . . please

I am 20, my baby is 18months. Her biological father is 22 and my boyfriend and the man she calls Daddy is 23. So we are all young and i need help because i do not know what is right. her father left me while preg, he came to the delivery room caused some trouble the following week and has been popping in and out up till last November. when there was a big todo over him neglecting her one night (the one and only night i ever allowed her over). Then after that night he up and just forgets about her. Now he wants to play "Daddy" because he found out that me and my current S.O. are happy and that my daughter calls him daddy. He calls and say he wants to see her every chance he can and that its his daughter and he has rights too. Fine by me, if he will fight for them legally. I would be okay with him taking me to court and the judge hearing both sides and declaring a non biased opinion. On the other hand i won't have it, unless he

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smilelovesmile

Asked by smilelovesmile at 7:35 PM on Jul. 22, 2009 in Relationships

Level 11 (526 Credits)
Answers (17)
  • is seroious. Im worried about him jumping in and out of her life. and i'm wondering if i do decide to go and try to set up a visitation thing with him, what should she call him? she is 18months and doesn't know him. She knows who her daddy is and im worried about confusing her, or if i should let her call him daddy along with my boyfriend. He is a general flake i guess is what i could call him. i don't see him sticking around. i personally think he is bored because his girlfriend left him for her own child's father, and un til he find another just wants something to kill time. I belive i am being biased, but i'm trying not to be. Please Help, ask any questions about the situation i will answer as best i can and maybe that will help you decide the answer.
    smilelovesmile

    Answer by smilelovesmile at 7:39 PM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • he sounds jealous that someone else is doing his job better. i doubt that they'll take his parental rights away though if he is willing to be there, however little is possible.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:39 PM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • I dont know if she should call him daddy because it WILL confuse her. If you really dont believe he will stay in her life than just dont let her see him. I have 2 DDs that their Dad did this to them ( In and out of their lives, promises,ect) and as they got older they have been so upset. He promises to come See them, call them, buy them things, and love them but he has never kept a promise to them. I tried to do everything I could for him to be apart of their lives but he wouldn't so about 2 years ago I said this is bullshit and I stopped all visitation. Now they are so much better and happier. Now they still ask questions about him and I tell them and I always tell them to love their Dad no matter what. It is so hard for us parents and children to be in this situation but we have to make the decisions ( hopefully the right decisions) that we think is right for the children for their safety and feelings! Good luck

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:50 PM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • You are within your rights to petition to have his parental rights terminated.
    RutterMama

    Answer by RutterMama at 7:53 PM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • NO!!!! You go to court FIRST and establish custody. Don't let him do it. If you don't have the money for court, you can either check into a legal aid service (usually through your local dept of social services or call the court house and ask them for information). As far as being in and out of the baby's life, basically you choose your poison. You can have supervised visitation, which sounds to me like it would be a good idea. PM me if you would like to talk about this. I was in the same boat about 20 yrs ago and was in and out of court just up until about 5 yrs ago. I went through it all it seems. Take care and good luck.
    goldilocks70

    Answer by goldilocks70 at 7:59 PM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • i don't know what that means to have them terminated? my father was this way and still is, but in my case there wasn't another man, who was there for me. It was my mom, so she was always mom and my dad was dad because another man never came into the picture to even try to be a father like my boyfriend is doing. the other MAJOR problem is that he is living with a closer relative of mine. ( my cousin says he is letting him live there because otherwise he would be homeless and he couldn't do that to anyone) So i feel i cannot visit my family without having him leave if i decide to keep him away. i personally hate the feeling i get when i want to visit my cousin but can't because i don't know what to do about his sudden interest in a child he neglected. does anyone have advice on how to talk with my cousin about her father leaving when i visit? or should i even bring it up and instead invite the cousin to my home?
    smilelovesmile

    Answer by smilelovesmile at 7:59 PM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • i have full custody and child support. i took him to court through the state and had that established before she was 3 months old.
    smilelovesmile

    Answer by smilelovesmile at 8:01 PM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • Having his rights terminated means that he would not 'legally' be responsible or have any say in anything to do with her life. Legally, he would not be her father anymore and should your current bf decide to get married, he could legally adopt her.
    RutterMama

    Answer by RutterMama at 8:05 PM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • that would be great but what if he fights it, obviously it isn't like adoption wher he need to sign the rights to anther person but he acts like he wants to be in her life now so im sure he would fight it, if just to spite me (he hates me, seriously hates me. I'm not an angel but i never gave him any reason to hate me),
    smilelovesmile

    Answer by smilelovesmile at 8:08 PM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • You can't terminate his rights just because he is flaky. You have to prove that your child is somehow in danger with him for them to completely terminate his rights. If his rights were to get terminated then so would his responsibility to pay child support. To terminate his rights means he would no longer be legally or financially responsible for her. If you go to court && he says he wants visitation, then 95% of the time he is going to get it, unless like I said before, you can prove she is in danger while in his custody. Now since he has been in && out of her life, the court will probably start with supervised visitations until he establishes a relationship with her. As far as what she should call him, this is strictly my opinion && what I would do, I would tell him until she gets to know him she will call him by his name or daddy "his name" so that she isn't confused.
    HisMommySince07

    Answer by HisMommySince07 at 8:30 PM on Jul. 22, 2009

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