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wanting to become a surrogate

I have always wanted to help women who couldn't concieve. Since i was 15 or 16 i always thought this would be a great thing for me to do, a selfless thing that makes someone's life so much happier. But when i try to bring it up to my S.O. he says no. I want to respect his feelings about it but obviously he doesn't understand my complete need to do this. Its like an aching in me to help. I don't just want to donate blood or something like that. I want to give a couple a miracle that they have been wanting and for one reason or another cannot. I have a daughter and wish i could do this many times over to help other who cannot concieve, but i am so far only planning to do it once. He cannot see why i would do this, and says he would be upset if i did this anyways. I know we are partners but i feel i have a right to do with my body as i please, in certain ways, this being one because it involves woman parts which he does not have

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smilelovesmile

Asked by smilelovesmile at 7:53 PM on Jul. 22, 2009 in Trying to Conceive

Level 11 (526 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • there's really no way to do it without either convincing your husband or going against his wishes. i spoke to my husband about it also, but there was no reasoning with him. the best you can do is continue trying to reason with him and try to appeal to his compassion for others' childless lives. but sometimes it's impossible to deal with our husbands who can't quite grasp why we want to do this. but it is what it is.
    rAbella

    Answer by rAbella at 8:03 PM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • I just wanted to say good luck to both of you. It is a great thing to do. I am not married, but I think maybe your husbands feel like ou are giving up his and your child. Make sure he does not want anymore children first. Just keep trying to explain how important this is to you. I would also love to one day help out a loving family.
    Mary_CoreysMom

    Answer by Mary_CoreysMom at 8:10 PM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • Personally i couldn't be a surrogate but admire woman who can! Try and get your husband to look at it this way- if the only way for you too to have had your daughter was through a surrogate, would he still want your DD? Explain to him that you want other couples to feel the love of a child, the way you experience it from your DD!
    alexsmomma06

    Answer by alexsmomma06 at 8:27 PM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • thats just it, he doesn't care about them being childless. He thinks that if god wanted them to have a child he would bless them with one. But i always ask hime what if it was us who couldn't concieve, what if there was a woman out there who was willing to help and couldn't because her S.O says no. but he just says to bring it up another time if i want but his answer won't change.
    smilelovesmile

    Answer by smilelovesmile at 8:28 PM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • I had wanted to be a surrogate at one point and my husband didn't like it either. We have 5 daughters (only had three at the time) and we have such a close connection when I'm pregnant... to him it was hard to separate himself and understand that this wouldn't be our baby. While I was a bit disappointed, I understood how he felt and that it would be difficult on him too. In the long run I ended up doing egg donation instead.. I actually did it 6 times and it was an extremely rewarding experience.
    Kim3125

    Answer by Kim3125 at 11:12 PM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • I think men don't understand a woman's desire to be pregnant being a surrogate is a wonderful gift to give someone. I have done it twice.

    It is important to try to encourage your husband to be involved in the process. Tell him you guys will chose he couple together and of course you can always emphasis the good things that happen to your body once you are pregnant,

    The things he benefits from and enjoys! Maybe he will come around about it.
    mrsprincessdawn

    Answer by mrsprincessdawn at 12:27 AM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • Kim31,
    i have thought about egg donation, but i know that i would want a part of a child who is partly mine, with my DNA, and whatnot. As with surrogating the child wouldn't be mine in any genetic way. of course i would love the baby im carrying but after when it would make me sad (which i assume it will be hard to give up a child you carried for 9 months even if the child isnt biologically mine) i figured i could think well im sleeping though the night, i don't have to change diapers, or potty train this child, or stay up all night trying to get the child to sleep in his/her crib.
    smilelovesmile

    Answer by smilelovesmile at 5:27 PM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • mrs princess,
    the good things?? like my boobs getting bigger? or not having to worry about condoms (lol)
    i have been thinking about the couple who are having the surrogacy, what were your experiences with them. did they have requests or demands. Like eating a certain diet or not eating certain things. I'm just curious. did they live close or far, were they there for the doc visits or at the delivery or does all this just depend on the couple?
    smilelovesmile

    Answer by smilelovesmile at 5:29 PM on Jul. 23, 2009

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