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What about *your* needs?

I'll try to make this quick! Ok, my DH and I got into a blowout today which ended with him asking about *my* needs in life. Here's the dilemma: I have no idea what my needs are! :( I told him I would spend the evening contemplating this and get back to him. My DH is a very insightful and understanding man, but I spoil him (w/ affection, understanding, material things, etc) and we've found ourselves at an emotional deadend in our relationship. I want to be able to open up to him, but it feels like I shouldn't be selfish.
So, cafemoms, what are *your* needs? Maybe this'll help me figure myself out?! :/

Answer Question
 
other_mommy

Asked by other_mommy at 7:57 PM on Jul. 22, 2009 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • excellent question .SO and I are about to discuss this very question and I have no clue what I want from him so he can meet my needs. I'm glad I'm not alone!
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 7:59 PM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • RESPECT, LOTS OF LOVE AND SUPPORT, UNDERSTANDING, HONESTY.
    raemommy

    Answer by raemommy at 8:00 PM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • Apparently I'm not allowed to be "vague" and say things like "love, affection, appreciation". :( These are just some of the guidelines I've got, so I'm trying to understand myself better in this. Bah! This is hard! :(
    other_mommy

    Answer by other_mommy at 8:03 PM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • i need my opinions to be valued. i need my alone time here and there. i need to be able to vent and confide in my SO. i need to hear him say i love you everyday. .... uhm..... i'm trying to think of other things.... this is a good question.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:12 PM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • i think needs and what make u feel loved are two different things///.. but for me i need to know that my hubby cares abt me..care abt my qualitly of everyday life..bc i care abt his.. i need to know that he knws that if he were not in my life i yes i would survive .. but my happiness would be shatter... i need... intentional not alwys sexual touch..when he comes home from the end of day at like ten and leaving at like 8 i want a hug.. a standing five second hug.. i know he needs me to laugh at him when he is being a smart ass bc we should be friends before anything else...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:16 PM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • Oh, for the record (OP here) this is about my needs in life, not just my needs in our relationship, if that helps clarify anything. :/
    other_mommy

    Answer by other_mommy at 8:28 PM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • Good question,I am in the same boat and I dnt wanna feel selfish either and i just think now and then i need to vent. I am so confused on what i should do? Hummmm
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:29 PM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • I think needs and what make you feel loved are the same thing. I need to be able to open up to my man. I'd say that is my number one. I need to know that he values my thoughts and dreams, and that he finds me attractive and sexy. I need to know that he appriciates the things I do, and is gracious with the things I just didn't get to that day. I need to be able to treat him with respect. This is very important too. I need him to act in a way that makes it easy to stand behind him in everything. I need him to be able to open up to me to, and know that I am his partner in his problems, not his accuser. Together we share our troubles and come up with solutions. I need him to be fun. :)
    squish

    Answer by squish at 8:30 PM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • My needs are, stop asking for sex every day. Stop taking me for granted.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 9:40 PM on Jul. 22, 2009

  • There is a great book ' 5 Love Languages'. or maybe its 7 idk I can't remember. They have it for marriages, kids and other things. You would have to read it to see what your love language is, I don't remember all of them but some are: act of kindness, gifts, touch etc. It is Christian based, but even if you don't believe it can help you figure out yourself as well as those you love. The basics apply to all ppl.

    4monkees

    Answer by 4monkees at 9:51 PM on Jul. 22, 2009

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