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Need advice if anyone can help me please do!

My x boyfriend cheated on me, and then left me for the girl he cheated on me with.I found out I was pregnant, and he told me he wanted nothing to do with me or my baby because hes with someone. I was devastated because I was in love with him, and I had a misscariage which made me feel even worse. I have a new boyfriend now, and hes everything my x wasnt. He actually really loves me, and I know that he would never hurt me. The only problem is that I get mad at him for every little thing. I feel like I take out on him what my x has done to me. It makes me feel so guilty because even though i act like this he still treats me like a queen. I dont understand I have the guy of my dreams, and im slowly pushing him away, but i dont know how to stop because I have so much anger in me about my past. Can someone please give me some advice or tell me what to do because I dont have any idea. I feel like everything i do is wrong.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:02 AM on Jul. 23, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • Have you talked to your boyfriend about your problem with your anger at your X? Maybe you might need to get some help to get over the past and to go on with your new life. You don't want to lose him, because good men are far and few between. I got counciling and it took me a long time to get over my X because I was so angry at him.
    homealone_10

    Answer by homealone_10 at 2:11 AM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • I would start by talking to your boyfriend and tell him the truth about how you feel. Ask him for help. Maybe go see a counselor by yourself, or with your boyfriend. If he really loves you like you say he does, I'm sure he is going to support you and help you. And make a concious decision everytime you feel yourself getting angry to stop and relax and talk about it with him. Realize when you're upset and why and try to figure out a way to fix why you're so mad. That is what I have had to do with my mom. We used to fight all the time, because I would get so annoyed with her. But after I started talking to her and understanding what I was so mad about things got better. I still get mad and annoyed but now I think before I get upset. I hope this helps

    nico409ant

    Answer by nico409ant at 2:16 AM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • I would seek counseling..you can even get it free thru most churches. You have issues from what your ex has done to you and they arent just going to go away on their own. Things like that can be very hard to work thru when you're the one experiencing it. Its best to get outside help...and believe me, it really can help.. you owe it to your new boyfriend, and more importantly yourself..because even if you pushed him away so much that he left, you'd do it to the next guy too. Good luck, hope you work it all out soon!
    2boymama

    Answer by 2boymama at 3:11 AM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • It sounds like you didn't give yourself enough time to heal between relationships. You need to find out what it is from your old relationship that is making you so angry. I would suggest you go to counceling and work through those issues. I was married for 16 years to an abusive man that cheated on me during my second pregnancy. I had a lot of issues that I had to deal with after my divorce from him. I've been divorced almost 5 years and I am just now feeling like I am ready to start dating again. I made sure I gave myself time to heal from the pain of the divorce and learn from the mistakes I made in the relationship before I moved on. I also just wanted to enjoy being on my own with my kids for a little bit too. Good luck! I wish you all the best!
    goincrzynonnie

    Answer by goincrzynonnie at 4:50 AM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • You need some alone time. You don't have to break up w/ this wonderful guy, but you need some time to clear your head & to put the past relationship resentment you have away. Why even be in a relationship w/ a wonderful guy if your going to treat him bad? If you truly care about this guy, then why do you not respect him? You need to respect the person your with, & treat them how you would like to be treated too. You don't have respect for this guy if it is so easy to treat him badly.

    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 8:39 AM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • How long between your EX and your new Boyfriend, as in weeks months, years? It sounds to me like you didn't give yourself enough time between guys to get totallyover the EX. You should give yourself a year or two after your miscarriage.

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 8:52 AM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • If you really believe that this new guy could be the right one for you, I would put the whole thing on hold and look into getting some emotional help. If you explain to him what you are doing and why, he should be willing to help you if he really does care about you. This kind of anger does not just go away, and unless you deal with it now, it will continue to destroy the people that you allow into your life. Your best hope of being successful in ridding yourself of your anger is to find someone who has actually experienced the devastation that it causes. Those who only possess book knowledge won't be able to get the job done. I would call the churches in my area and ask if they have anyone on staff who is qualified to help with anger issues. Most of them do not charge for their services because they are truly interested in seeing people's lives changed and personalities healed. Larger churches will have bigger staffs.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:57 AM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • I'm sure you've heard plenty of peole say get counsleing...I'm sure that would help. But here's something else that may help. Write your x a letter, you don't have to send it, it's just to get all your feelings out. But write everything he did to you and how that made you feel, all your feelings towards him, even that your mad at him because now he is interferring in your new relationship. This may be hard because you actually have to feel those feelings again...but when you are done write something about you are taking back control of your life, he no longer has that control..etc....I did this with an abusive relationship and it really helped. Worth a try.......
    robinann5

    Answer by robinann5 at 9:51 AM on Jul. 23, 2009

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