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How can I make my husband see how bad he's making me feel?

My husband of 2 years and I have been through a lot of ups and downs. Several months ago we had a huge argument and ended up having a much-needed heart to heart. After that things were better with us than they had been in a long time. But the past couple of weeks have begun to take a toll on our relationship. Every single day my husband has been saying rude, disrespectful things to me in front of anyone who is around. I don't think it's okay for him to be saying these things in front of our kids, my in-laws, my parents, and in public. I feel like I deserve some respect. It's just stupid things too. I'll ask a question that he thinks I should already know the answer to and he'll start putting me down for asking a "stupid question" and treat me like I'm unintelligent. I'll be trying to do housework and he'll criticize how I'm doing it. When I confront him he acts like I'm being too sensitive but it really bothers me. Advice???

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:46 AM on Jul. 23, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • Turn around next time and ask him what the hell is problem is? Next time he makes you feel stupid by saying you should know the answer to that question, just say sorry hun, must take alot of intelligence to put your wife down to make yourself feel better right? He will probably get mad about it, but if done in front of people I'm sure he will make damn sure he doesn't insult your intelligence in front of people again. Guys, tend to not understand how they are treating someone until you treat them the exact same way.

    soonmommyof3

    Answer by soonmommyof3 at 8:51 AM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • If he does that sort of thing in front of people do it right back in front of people. Put your foot down and speak up. My DH tries tell me how to do things all the time. I just tell him,"Do you want to do it". He usually says "no" . Then I say "then shut up and leave me along".
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 9:02 AM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • Are you treating him with the respect that you want to receive from him? It sounds like he is not getting the respect that he feels he deserves and is turning it around on you. Not mature behavior, but that's what it sounds like. Do you regularly tell him that you appreciate the things that he does for you and for the family. Men really need affirmation, probably more so than even women need it. If you are showing him proper respect and affirming him regularly, then I would very quietly say to him, "I am bothered by the fact that you put me down in front of others. If you have something negative to say to me, I ask that you do it in private. I promise that I will consider your criticism and if I find it valid, I will try to make the necessary corrections." That is stating the problem in a respectful manner and your willingness to hear what he says. Bottom line: if you be have with disrespect, you will be disrespected
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:04 AM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • children learn what they live. So I'm guessing he lived it and thinks nothing of it however, it's verbal abuse. Google "verbal abuse" and find the definition and print it up for him and allow him to see that what he is doing is abuse. I think he'll be shocked to see that it is. You may have to help him stop doing it using behavior modification with something as simple as asking him to stop immediately when he starts and have him rephrase his statement. It will take some time but if he is willing, it can stop
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:12 AM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • If my husband talked to me like that in front of other people I would look at him and say "EXCUSE ME? I am not stupid and I am not a 2yr old. Don't talk to me like that again. I don't like it!'" As for at home, if he started in on me for sweeping the floors the wrong way I would give him 'the look" and say "well then if you can do it better- have at it". I would tell him that I don't like his attitude or how he is treating me, and it had better change.
    Good luck!
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 9:25 AM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • Just put your foot down...

    When he disrespects you...let him know that you are not going to allow him to do that...
    My fiance used to walk infront of me all the time when we were out...May sound silly to others, but I hated it...

    So when he would do that, I would turn around and walk the other way..
    He finally got the idea........

    When he says harsh words, I would simply tell him that speaking to you in that manner, hurts your feelings and that you are not going to tolerate it..and walk away...

    You need to let him know that you need and want to be treated with the respect that you deserve..
    Dannee

    Answer by Dannee at 9:33 AM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • Sounds like you two need another heart to heart.
    AllAboutKeeley

    Answer by AllAboutKeeley at 9:34 AM on Jul. 23, 2009

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