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Attachment Parenting - I'm confused

Does a person have to follow all the 'guidelines', if that's what they are called, to be considered an AP parent? For example, if someone does all the 'right' things but does not cosleep? I guess I'm confused as to what it is exactly and how it is different from, well, simply parenting. Aren't all/most parents 'attached' to their children? So wouldn't that make the vast majority of parents AP? Like I said, I'm confused!! Please help me understand.


Asked by Anonymous at 11:54 AM on Jul. 23, 2009 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • I don't like labels like that, but we do practice all of the AP guidelines. Do what works for your family and put the needs of the child first is the way I parent. Don't let the child CIO because it is convenient for mom and dad etc. My youngest does not like being in any type of carrier and never has, she prefers to be down and able to do her own thing. That is just her personality and I followed her cues. I didn't force her to be in the carrier because that is what some AP book said I should do. Follow your instincts and do what works for your family and don't worry about labels. Listen to advice from everyone, read all kinds of books, and just ignore what doesn't feel right to you.

    Answer by aeneva at 12:36 PM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • I've got lots and lots of AP friends....lots of them do most of what is considered AP, but not other things. so I definitely don't think you need to do every little thing in the handbook (is there a handbook?)pcik and choose what you want and if you want to call yourself AP then go for it...some people seem to need a label for where they fit in.

    I heard it termed "crunchy mom" in that case I'm just slightly stale and not crunchy.

    I did lots of the AP things - babywear, cloth diapers, made my own baby food, breastfed, ... but I didn't do a lot of the other things. I vaccinate, I don't Co-sleep...


    Answer by hypermamaz at 11:57 AM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • Follow your most inner thoughts of parenting. Trust your instincts deep deep down. Don't worry about comparing yourself to others. Focus on how well your child is growing to what ever degree and their accomplishments. Ask your ped your questions at visits with your q's in a small notebook. Don't drive yourself crazy.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:57 AM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • well I consider my self an AP We co-slept, baby weared, child lead parented, breastfed, BUT my son would NOT let me wear him so no baby wearing at all here...I am sure if you feel that you are you are no matter what any person or guideline says. I just didn't let my son sleep in a different bed because he would scream bloody murder. If you are getting yoru sleep at night and able to take care of your child there is nothing wrong with not co sleeping at all. I am sure you are doing a great job and are a wonderful parent :)

    Answer by stummegirl at 12:02 PM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • Hypermamaz - there are 8 principles according to the AP website. And anon - wouldn't that make every parent an AP parent?

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:06 PM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • I consider myself an AP parent, but I don't do it to be an AP parent, I do what I do because to meet my children's needs and because I feel its best, but there may be a few things that I have done that some AP parents do not. For instance I weaned my 2 1/2 year old from the breast. It was a hard decision, and if our circumstances were different I wouldn't have, but that was the best deicison at the time. I'm not sure, but I believe that Dr. Sears may have come up (or at least he promotes) attachment parenting... giving what osme parents do a name. And no, not every mom is an attached parent, or thinks the same way as an AP parent. There are many things other moms do (because a profession or doctor told them its best) that do actually cause detachment, not attachment of parent and child. I strongly believe that every parent has the responsiblity to asses whats best for their child and family,

    Answer by Precious333 at 12:14 PM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • cont. and hopefully their assesment will strengthen their relationships and not cause detachment.

    Answer by Precious333 at 12:15 PM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • No, not following all of those guidelines don't make you non ap. It's a mentality of listening to your child, and recognizing a baby as a needy individual, not a manipulative being to be controlled. Some babies do not cosleep well (one of mine hated cosleeping, the other loved it). Some babies get sick of slings when they get mobile. True ap parents will listen to their child on these issues. Some parents will continue to force it because it's an ap principle. Listening to and respecting your child are what's really important.

    Answer by apexmommy at 12:15 PM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • Nope, following your inner most thoughts on parenting are NOT making most parents ap. For example, an ap parent would never leave an infant under six months to cio. Ever. The people that do typically hear that so and so's kid did it, and their kids are just fine. Their instincts tell them it's wrong (hence, everyone saying how hard it was, and that they had to toughen up). Yet, they do it anyway. An ap parent would listen to that and say that she has those instincts for a reason.

    Answer by apexmommy at 12:17 PM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • Check out this group, Attachment Parenting for the less extreme.

    I think of attachment parenting as more of a general parenting philosophy than a set of practices you have to follow to be AP. Definitely not all parents are AP. It isn't just about being attached to your kids, it is about following their cues and your instincts, which not all parents believe in at all.

    Answer by riotgrrl at 1:08 PM on Jul. 23, 2009