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Fear of commitment, stay or go?

I've been with my man for 2 years & have a 4 month old child together. He's says he don't know if he'll ever be ready to get married, cause he's afraid of divorce. I feel like I want to marry him, why am I not good enough. I love him more than ANYONE else I've EVER been with. I don't want to leave & he's says he don't want me to leave. Should I just give him more time & space & continue to be with him, or leave. I have 3 kids & I stay at home , so leaving would be a big step. Any advise? Thanks.

 
luvmyangels3

Asked by luvmyangels3 at 1:37 PM on Jul. 23, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (8)
  • Honey I am in the same situation except I am the one who don't want to get married but I love this man and will never leave him. To me I have seen so many people that I know be so happy together until the get married than everything goes to hell. So I guess I am scared of losing what I have and I don't want things to change. I probably will get married but to me its just a piece of paper stating that you are together forever. Don't leave if you really love him like that he is scared of something, so talk to him and if you assure him that everything will be ok and if he trusts you than he will change his mind.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:46 PM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • if he doesnt want the same things as you, it might not end up working out. you have to think about that.
    PURPULbutterfly

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 1:40 PM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • It depends on if you want to get married or not. He's basically telling you it's not gonna happen. Are you going to be okay with that 2 year, 5 years, 10 years from now? I wouldn't stick around, but then I didn't move in with my dh until we were married. It was important to me for my kids to see that I got married before I lived with him. But it just depends on what you want.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 1:44 PM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • Marriage is a scary thing to some people. I would give him more time if you truly love him. As time goes buy he will eventually change his mind.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:49 PM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • I think that it depends on how much you would like to be married. My girlfriend has been with her childs father for 7 years. He will not marry her. She so badly wants to get married for a long time she was okay with this situation, but now that all her friends are married and her sisters are married and this man WILL NOT put a ring on her finger, she is just miserable thinking that something is wrong with her for him not to want to marry her. She actually thinks he doesn't love her enough, that he only keeps her there for the money.
    So it is how you are going to feel if this person doesn't marry you .
    There are also other things that they have for couples. It is not marriage but it recognizing that you two are together. I will get it for you. Something to think about..
    suzyb1980

    Answer by suzyb1980 at 2:25 PM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • Thanks Suzyb1980. That's exactly how it makes me feel that he doesn't love me enough. See, my ex told me he'd never get married , & now he IS married. It makes me very insecure & I think maybe he doesn't think I'm THE ONE.
    luvmyangels3

    Answer by luvmyangels3 at 2:36 PM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • why is it such a big deal that he marries you? He lives with you right? so why should he marry you? I guess I'm missing something here.

    I pray to God that my dd's have the common sense to know that when a man wants you, you don't have to second guess him and you don't have to give him 100% of you while he's giving you 10% of himself...GL
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 2:46 PM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • Yes we live together. The point of getting married would be cause I want to be MORE than just another girlfriend to him. I want him to want to be with me forever. To be his wife. It's a commitment.
    luvmyangels3

    Answer by luvmyangels3 at 3:09 PM on Jul. 23, 2009