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any step moms out there

hello i will be a step mom soon to a 22 month old lil girl and i was jsut wonderin gfi anyone out there had any advice.

me and my S/O have had a rocky relationship bc of his ex but we are soo much in love and ready to get married and start our family. and so this means i will be a step mom. we dont really get to see his daughter bc his ex is "ummm hard to explain it would take a while" but she is difficult i think well know it is bc she still wants him and she hates he is happy with me. well when we get to see his daughter it is great she loves me but his ex hates when i am around she tells him the only way he can see his daughter is with her in the same room and i hve to leave and she always makes up these lies and stuff and it is soo hard on him he also pays child support. but i dont like to leave when she is over bc they have slept together whlie we been together. i trust my S/O but not her(its comlicated)

any advice

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alw06tchs

Asked by alw06tchs at 2:16 PM on Jul. 23, 2009 in Relationships

Level 11 (502 Credits)
Answers (27)
  • Well from my experience just back off when they need to talk about the girl, but as far as being it the same room I don't see nothing wrong with all of you being together. Just don't get in the middle of things when it comes to their daughter. Just kill her with kindness and she will be the one suffering (I mean that is the way she wants it) I remember longago my dad told me never to get involved with a man with kids it will bring you down. Now I know what he meant, but my dh is a very good person so I just go with it. If you so is not all that for you I'd suggest to find someone with no package bc you will have your ups and downs with this. But if you feel in heart he is willing to stick with you no matter what then put up with it. The reason I brought that up was bc you said he slept with her while being with you...I don't like the way that sounds. GL

    Butterfly1108

    Answer by Butterfly1108 at 2:28 PM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • go to court he has rights
    if he is granted visitation
    and the court does not put stipulation in then
    ex will not have anything to say on the matter if you are in the room

    why does your bf not have any custody???

    mine bf has 50%
    and his ex hates me for the same reason, she did not want him, she cheated, but she can not stand to see him happy=tough for her
    he went to court and has as much right as her, when she says something stupid like the other year she called and said that i should not wash her 6 yr old girls hair!! whatever b!tch, it is our house and if we feel that a 6 year old needs help getting the soap out we will get the soap out

    he should have fought for his rights as a father, if he has not then he needs to, then the ex can blow it out her @ss
    boredmom44

    Answer by boredmom44 at 2:35 PM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • well i love him and i feel in my heart that he is the one with me but most of the itme she does stuff to try to break us up and he tells her that sleepin with her while he was with me was a mistake and he regreted it and he told her it would never happen again and that he was going to marry me oneday so i feel like it is moved passed that but i feel like she hasnt bc she has to have them too alone all the time no matter what. he loves his lil girl and told me that he thinks she is so jealous of what we have bc she cant find anyone (but i think no one wants her bc she is crazy)9you would have to knowt he whole story of them to understand) it is just so hard soemtimes for me bc with me going to be her stpe mom i would love to be able to have to interactions with her you know bc iwould love for her to be in the wedding since it is his daughter and i want her to be in her other siblings lives when they come you know
    alw06tchs

    Answer by alw06tchs at 2:35 PM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • How long have you been with this man? Cheating is unacceptable in my book. But that is my book. I am a step mother and I am a mother. I will tell you it is not jealousy, it is competition, she just wants to WIN... WOMEN LOL... You need to not fight with her especially if you are getting married. Eventually when everyone isn't continuing the drama it will calm down. My SD mother would always try to keep my DH , DD away from him because I would be home that weekend, well in our state if you are paying child support and a judge has not taken your visits away you get visitations by the guidelines of your state. Your fiance should look into that. I will say that the mother can make it to where you can't keep the child alone until you are married. You are not a relative to this child until marriage. Plus the state you live in might not allow infants to toddlers to have over nights. It is messy and you should prepare yourself when
    suzyb1980

    Answer by suzyb1980 at 2:35 PM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • Oh and the being nice to her and stuff it doesnt work i have tried that i went from not talking to her to trying to be nice to her and that didnt work so idk what esle to do idk it is a crazy situation
    alw06tchs

    Answer by alw06tchs at 2:39 PM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • Wait a minute...he cheated on you with his child's mother and you're blaming the woman? Give me a break...he cheated on you...he has his own mind not to screw around with his child's mother while dating someone else. It doesn't seem like she's the problem by herself. He has a lot to do with it as well!

    Before you decide to marry this man and God forbid don't get pregnant, you should consider if this is a part of your life plan....do you really think that after marrying him everything will magically get better? Before you take that responsibility, think first!
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 2:43 PM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • You have to let it go. You are not the parent. And I am not trying to be mean to you. Like I said I go through all areas, of being a stepmom, being a mom and dealing with someone who is my daughters step mom. You will get no where being ugly. I can't stand my step childrens mothers, but I don't go around talking shit about them either. I get along with all of them. She doesn't want your man, like I said she just wants to win. And until your man takes her to court and lets them know she will not allow visits he has to deal with what she will allow. You going around bashing her is not right. And your man was wrong for cheating on you and giving her the idea that he liked her still. I have my problems with my stepkids mothers, but I am mature, my DH and them work things out and I am here for my DH. Now that we have gotten married and these ladies have gotten to know me I make the plannings with the childrens drop off and pick up
    suzyb1980

    Answer by suzyb1980 at 2:45 PM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • It takes time, but in the long run the drama will simmer down. It will never go away, but eventually she will be okay with you. But not if you continue to bash her.
    suzyb1980

    Answer by suzyb1980 at 2:46 PM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • well i think that he has changed alot and his sister in law also told me about soem things and everythign and then liek a month ago i was talking to her and she told me that she was so glad that he met me and that we were together and was planning a life together bc i have helped him grow up and mature so much more bc she knows that he was cheating and stuff and then he quit and made it clear to everyone that was a mistake and he wanted only me and want to marry and have a family with me and stuff so i think that it is past us.
    i dotn try to be mean to her i try to be nice to her but i dont work
    we plan on going to court one day. i tell him all the time he needs to do it now.
    she goes around telling everyone he is a POS dad and he stalks her and stuff and that is not true he only calls her at night bc the lil girl goes to bed to say goodnight and she calls our house at all times of the day like 20 times a day......
    alw06tchs

    Answer by alw06tchs at 3:02 PM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • i dont say anythig to her
    alw06tchs

    Answer by alw06tchs at 3:03 PM on Jul. 23, 2009

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