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hubby trouble.. help

this is a hard question to ask so please no "I am so glad my hubby doesn't have those problems" stuff. My husband and I got married in October 2007. We were together 7 years before then. In the first 3 or 4 months of our relationship (we were 17) he told me that his mother had abused him as a child and that he had a lot of issues with his dad as well, feeling unloved by him. He told me he had tried to kill himself before. Being 17 and very nurturing/caring person, I felt sorry for him and used it as an excuse for everything he ever did wrong. Apparently, I kept doing that our whole relationship. Now we are married, we have an 11 month old, and I am 8 months pregnant with our second. A couple months ago, he was in suicidal mode again. I insisted he check into a mental hospital and get some help. He was going to, and then his dad showed up and talked him out of it (whole other story). He did make an appt.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:19 PM on Jul. 23, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (21)
  • cont.: with a local therapist though, and went twice. Only once did he get to see his therapist, the second time she called in sick, and his next appt. is in a few days. He told me earlier today that he was bored and was going to visit his grandparents a few hours away ( I should mention that he doens't have a job and hasn't for awhile, we live with my parents right now). When I brought up his appt., he said he was fine and didnt' want to go. I have let so much go because of his diagnosis (post traumatic stress disorder, chronic, and major depressive disoder) in this relationship, and now he doesn't even care enough to try. He has trouble keeping a job, has anger problems, gets depressed and suicidal. But it does come and go. So he thinks that since he is fine at the moment that he doens't need to go to his appt. I am so fed up, I just keep thinking things are going to get better and nothing will if he keeps...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:24 PM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • Was there supposed to be more to this question? I don't really see what we are answering. Not trying to be rude just a little lost. I'm sorry for the situation you're in.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:26 PM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • As his wife you can put him into a place. Especially if his has said he is suicidle. I would just call your family doctor let them know whats up and make him go. He has no choice being your husband.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:27 PM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • cont.: giving up all the time. He gives up on everything. When he first started going to the doctor he was excited about getting help, and making our lives and the babies lives better. At this point I don't see things changing, and I don't know what to do. I vowed sickness and heath, right? I also getting ready to have our second baby and it seems like a stupid time to be kicking him out (with nowhere to go and no source of money) and divorcing him. I don't want to give up, but how am I supposed to get him to try? I have done nothing but try this whole time, and he is not living up to his end of the deal.. all he does right now is lay around while I take care of the baby, and I am scared about if he is gonna help or not when #2 comes. I don't even know what I am asking really.. I guess I just want some insight.. my parents also know the situation and are not crazy about him, and the whole situation is uncomfortable.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:28 PM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • dont talk down to him, but make him see where this will take you guys in the future.. its hard i know, but you need to stand by him, try to get him to go, are you worried anout the kids? are you in danger?
    ArlieBeeMee

    Answer by ArlieBeeMee at 3:28 PM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • its not a family doctor, its a therapist, I don't know them and don't even know her name. I am not sure if I even have the right to do that..
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:29 PM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • Arlie, I am not in danger exactly, just fed up to the point I can't take it anymore... and I am not worried about my kids being hurt, but don't want them to have nothing because their dad won't work. They will also grow up and see this behavior, and I don''t want him as a role model acting this way.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:31 PM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • Before you talk to your doctor to put him in a psych ward I'd call a lawyer because legal papers will be required and they'll guide you and tell you in advance of signing what is legal and what is not. If you own a home you need to make sure you can act on his behalf if you need to plus finances long and short term and insurance and hipaa laws too.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:33 PM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • I would stop using his past as an excuse for his mistakes now, evryone has a past some worse then others people can either choose to dwell on it like he does or grow up and take care of what's important, I think you just need to find a good time to sit down with him and just set him straight, tell him he needs to grow up and start being a man, cuz dwelling on his past isn't going to make his life any easier now. If he gets angry with that talk then I think he is really just using his past for attention.

    I'm not trying to sound rude, just trying to get my point across good luck hope things looke up for you
    looovemybabies

    Answer by looovemybabies at 3:37 PM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • My fiance's daughter is bi-polar (she is 26) and suffers from depression from time to time. She was suicidal in college. She lives with her boyfriend and tries to find work but always if she has an interview or a possibility, over analyzes and ends up either not taking the job, or is under qualified for the position. She always has anxiety and goes round and round in circles when trying to make a decision. She is in therapy and also on and off meds. (She's tried self-medicating with diet and exercising). What I'm trying to say is that this is an ongoing condition. It drives my fiance crazy sometimes but he has accepted that she has a disability and it will be for life. It sounds like your husband has problems that will probably be with him (and you) for life. You were young when you met and had no idea what it meant. He needs help and therapy. Tell his doctor he has suicidal thoughts sometimes.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:47 PM on Jul. 23, 2009

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