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Should I be mad at my daughter?

My daughter (25) and granddauaghter (3) are living with us. We have an extra bedroom that is currently unoccupied that normally there are foster kids in. I had told my daughter I didn't want anyone playing in it as we had to have it ready because we get calls in the middle of the night to take kids in and 2:00 in the morning is not the time to clean. To make a long story short I went in to see if it needed a quick wipe down and found where my gd had ripped 1 foot of border off, colored on the door and a bunch of trash in the room. When I asked my daughter she said "M is never in there." I know it's not the other grandchildren as they can't get up the stairs due to a child gate & she's the only one there. All I wanted from her was a I'll make sure it doesnt happen again. Can I help clean it up? Anything but a denial when it had to have been my granddaughter who I love but does like to color on walls.

 
baconbits

Asked by baconbits at 4:45 PM on Jul. 23, 2009 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 26 (26,555 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (15)
  • YES, I WOULD BE PISSED TOO, BUT HUN, PICK YOUR BATTLES LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO BE UPSET OVER INSIGNIFICANT THINGS, WHAT WAS BROKEN CAN BE FIXED, BUT WHEN RELATIONSHIPS WITH FAMILY BREAKS OVER STUPID STUFF SOMETIMES IT IS NOT WORTH THE BATTLE.
    older

    Answer by older at 1:09 PM on Jul. 27, 2009

  • Yes, I think you have every right to be mad. I never deny the possibility that my child has destroyed something if she's in the general area but a flat out denial sounds like a flat out lie to me.
    Cherrie522

    Answer by Cherrie522 at 4:48 PM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • This is just a guess, but maybe she didn't see her up there. Could it be she was occupied elsewhere and just thought her daughter was playing in her own room?

    But, it must be obvious to her that only her daughter could have sneaked into the room and done the damage. Even if it wasn't her daughter, you'd think out of sheer helpfulness she'd offer to help you fix the room again.

    For the future, I'd suggest getting a door nob with a key lock. Lock the door and keep the key hidden.
    timelessglass

    Answer by timelessglass at 4:52 PM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • Yes I would be ticked. Kids today have so much trouble respecting property! Mine included
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:22 PM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • I think that you have every right to be upset. Any mother worth her salt knows that children are capable of these types of things....all of them. And regardless of whether she thought that her daughter may have been the culprit, it would have been very thoughtful of her to help you repair the damage in any case, particularly since you are helping her with a place to stay. Family should help each other....bless your heart.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:25 PM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • You have every right to be mad. Your daughter completely disregarded your rules and should be watching your gd more closely so these things don't happen. I would also insist that the crayons be put out of reach and only used under supervision (although it doesn't sound like your daughter is doing a very good job of that.) They are living in your house and your daughter needs to respect these rules by enforcing them with your gd.
    chocaholic888

    Answer by chocaholic888 at 12:55 AM on Jul. 24, 2009

  • Am I the only one that finds it odd that you are more worried about the condition of a spare bedroom, which your daughter and grand-daughter currently occupy as opposed to what a future foster child might have to "endure"? When supposed foster child arrives, where will your daughter and grand-daughter go? Do you honestly think that a foster child, who has either lost his parents or been taken away from them will have a problem with crayon markings on the wall?? Chances are, this child will be just like your grand-daughter and will draw on the walls!
    If your daughter is living in your house with your grand-daughter, doesn't seem like you raised a very secure and responsible daughter. I would question your motives($$)for being a foster parent.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:11 AM on Jul. 25, 2009

  • Thats tough. Do you have a big tent or a camper she can go sleep in?
    Hollytree

    Answer by Hollytree at 2:59 AM on Jul. 26, 2009

  • yes I'd be angry but I'd also put a lock on the door so it doesn't happen again. Why would the mom let a 3 yr old go upstairs by herself long enough to do that kind of damage and mom not check on her?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:18 PM on Jul. 26, 2009

  • OP here. To Anon 5:11 We had just totally repainted and bordered this room just one month ago due to the damage that the previous foster kids had done to it. We like to have their bedroom look nice for them as for some it may even be the first BED that some of them have slept in. I've had over 60 foster children come thru my home and I do know the horrific abuse that many of them go thru. That's why we like it to be special when they come in. Also this is not the room my daughter & GD occupy but another room that they were told to stay out of because it's really hard to clean a room at 2:00 in the morning before children are dropped off with only the clothes on their back.

    If you question my motives $$ for having foster kids trust me in this YOU DON"T GET RICH! Try paying for a babysitter, food, school supplies, clothes, gas (running to Dr's, counseling), etc on $21 per day. $2/hrx9=$18 just babysitting! I CARE!
    baconbits

    Answer by baconbits at 12:29 PM on Jul. 27, 2009

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