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MIL HELP

My SS wanted a cell phone in which we told him we would put him on our plan but he had to share our minutes and if he goes over he will have to pay for them. Well he did not like that and told us we would have to buy him more minutes in which my DH told him no. Take it or leave it. Now we find out he went to his grandmother my MIL and lied and told her that no one would get him a phone and she bought him one and all the minutes he wanted. What the F.... she did not even talk to us about it. Now she said she was going to give him her car, when his father specifically told him that he had to save for half of a car. He doesn't have a job because he got fired for not showing up and doesn't have money for insurance gas...

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dillonsma

Asked by dillonsma at 4:47 PM on Jul. 23, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Level 5 (81 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • If is grandma wants to spoil him let her because lets face it how much time do we really have with our grandparents? However, if he cannot afford gas and insurance u will have to speak with her and let her know that it is probably not a good idea to give him the car until he gets a job. That way he is motivated to get the job and he will have to keep it in order to keep the car and by the way get all this in writing so that nobody is confused about the details!
    kirsty_mcgrail

    Answer by kirsty_mcgrail at 4:55 PM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • Its not as much that she did if for him its that he lied to her and she did not even tell us about it. I guess that's what frustrates me the most.
    dillonsma

    Answer by dillonsma at 4:59 PM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • I have a big problem with grandparents undermining parent's authority. If MIL doesn't even give you and your DH the courtesy of a call to check if it is okay with you (the parents) to do x y and z, in my book I would have a talk with MIL and tell her either you respects us as the parents and stop undermining our efforts to raise a responsible individual or we will have to cut you off for sabotaging us.

    I know is drastic but it needs to be done, no grandparent should go and do this things for a grandchild without the parent's consent and authorization. That is just my opinion. What will happend if MIL gives him the car and you know he is not mature enough to have the responsibility of having access to a car? The two o clock call from police will come to you, so be careful what you allowed this "well intentioned" grandparent to do with YOUR child.

    nobody knows your child better than you do and that's not negotiable.
    bebita

    Answer by bebita at 5:05 PM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • Let grandma do what she wants, and you stand firm in your rules. Cell phone..not in your name..not your responsibility. Car... fine let her buy it, but it goes in her and your son's name...not your responsibility. When he gets in trouble and you won't bail him out, he can go to grandma, she either will or won't help him. And then one day she will get tired of it and he will finally have to take some responsibility.
    luckysevenwow

    Answer by luckysevenwow at 7:18 PM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • INSANE!??? The grandparents HAVE to follow the parents rules and guides for any child. Spoil him?? What? The parents are trying to make him responsible, and productive. She may have the right to be part of his life, but she does not have the right to undermine the authority of the parents! I would not care if the phone/car/house/hooker or whatthefkever was in her name. I GET TO DECIDE what my child gets/does. Not the grandparents! If the grandmother is taking away the leverage, by getting him everything he wants she needs to be stopped. Because she is building in a sense of entitlement he does not deserve and has not earned! He also will not respect his parents if their word is not law where he is concerned. Grandparents already go to make their mistakes, and raise their kids. Some of them have to be told point blank to back off, or suffer the consequences!

    texanmommy

    Answer by texanmommy at 8:21 PM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • spoiling is one thing BUT to go behind the parents back and do these things when you are trying to teach responsability,id be livid.talk to grandma togethere(you and youre dh)hopefully sh will show you some respect
    lifeisgood176

    Answer by lifeisgood176 at 10:54 AM on Jul. 24, 2009

  • Thanks guys, I just think it is crap that she does not talk to us when we are trying to teach them boundries and responsibilities.
    dillonsma

    Answer by dillonsma at 12:41 PM on Jul. 24, 2009

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