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Does this make me a selfish mom?

I am a single mother and I have been in school for the last few years working towards my bachelors. Well up until now I have been either part time on campus or full time online. I did this because Hannah and I are so close and I never want to be away from her and/or neglect her. Well, I have decided what I wanted to do for grad school and turns out that that is veterinary medical school. The program will be a bit more demanding than most and probably time consuming as well. I know that there are parents that go into med school but I am wondering if making a step like that as a parent is selfish? Do you lose the right to choose what you want to do as a career once you have children? Can there be a balance between the two?


Asked by BriHan06 at 8:11 PM on Jul. 23, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 19 (7,166 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • yeah in the '50s maybe. you arent at all selfish, and if you are well then hot damn so am i!

    Answer by pookipoo at 8:19 PM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • I will depend on her age. It will also depend on your childcare arrangements. If she is still a baby or very small I say go for it. It gets harder as the child gets older because then their activities take front seat. When they are young they won't remember much of what is going on. You will be able to provide a better life for your child if you further your education. Sounds as if you are a caring parent. Do it while she is young. I hope you continue your education and fulfill your dreams.

    Answer by oliviahank at 8:20 PM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • do what you have to do to give you and your lo a better life..i wanna go back to school too for psychology, but with my husband and i both working full-time..and my dd only being 4 months old..i'm not ready to leave her..but i know that in the end, we'll be better off if i do.

    Answer by piercedbeauty21 at 8:22 PM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • From my own experience, I don't know that there can really be "balance". There are only 24 hours in a day. I was a single mom when my son was little. I worked full time & went to school full time.The first semester I felt like he was neglected. The 2nd semester I got no sleep trying to "balance" time with him & school. Doing my school work until all hours. The 3rd semester school suffered. I never made it to the 4th.

    Do I think it's selfish to enroll in a demanding grad school program? No, you're doing something that will give both you & your child a better future. Do I think there are lots of things you will miss? of course there are. Unfortunately life is about choices. I often wish I'd finished school, yet I don't regret the time with my son. It's a hard choice that we have to make as mothers. All you can do is make the best choice for your family. We'll never know what would have happened if we'd made the other...

    Answer by ohwrite at 8:23 PM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • I don't think that it makes you selfish. I am working part time and want to go back to school in August. I am 4 classes (16 credit hours) away from my AA degree. I am also applying for nursing school. I hope that I can attempt some semblence of balance for my DD, but I am not a single mom. My SO supports the decision and I want my DD to remember no matter what happens you can always finish what you started out to do, no matter the detours that you take. I wish you luck and go for it.

    Answer by coala at 8:28 PM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • If your daughter is going to school, then you will be able to divide some time. And no you are not selfish. There is nothing wrong with wanting a better life for you and your daughter. Actually, it may even help the both of you. If you spend all your time together, you two will become dependent on each other. This will create huge problems, it happened to me and my mother and I nearly cracked when I went to school and ended up moving back home. With my kids of my own, I am trying to give them more space. Good luck with school. I know things will turn out well.


    Answer by krissyvelazquez at 8:52 PM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • You're not selfish at all. I too am a single mom, been in school full time and worked part time ever since my son was born, he was born mid-semester of my freshman year. He's now 3.5 and I'm graduating in May, then going right back into grad school in the fall. I know what its like to feel like he's neglected, I missed his first word (happened at daycare) and his first steps (daycare again) and the first time he did a summersault independently, something he'd been working hard on for months (that one was during preschool). Yet I look back and remember vacations to Denver, Oklahoma, South Carolina, trips to the zoo, bike rides, playing with friends, birthday parties... Even though I missed those few things in the scheme of life its really nothing, and my son is far from neglected. You do what you have to to better your life for you and your daughter, and focus on the times you've had together, not the ones missed. Good luck!

    Answer by ba13ygrl1987 at 9:21 PM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • I think giving your daughter a better life by having an education and a decent job is not selfish at all. She will forget the times you studied or were at school in time. It will show her that education is important.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:00 PM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • Look at it this way, you are bettering yourself for the benefit of you and your daughter and giving your daughter a good example. I think that hardly makes you selfish at ALL! Go get that degree! :-)

    Answer by babycakes254 at 10:07 PM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • its not selfish but you must be realistic about what you can do. The word balnce is a joke really. something suffers. you cant giv 100% to everything at the same time. Just know that there will be times when your child wont come first, and times when youll have to miss class or work( im sure you have already gone through that) to be there for her. Thats a mom! good Luck though I think its awesome your even trying!!!

    Answer by jchris at 10:11 PM on Jul. 23, 2009