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to forgive or not to forgive

just found out my husband of 13 years got another girl pregnant in highschool 2 months into our relationships. I just found out but it happened12.5 years ago. He has had no other problems as far as other women or him cheating. He says he was young and dumb. My question should I forgive him or move on. By the way we have 7 kids together.

 
sasy30

Asked by sasy30 at 8:36 PM on Jul. 23, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (14)
  • Forgive him.....I don't think it's so much about the cheating now, as about the secret....what a big secret to keep all of those years. He must have been so afraid of losing you and hurting you to keep it all that time. Do you have a right to be hurt....absolutely. Clearly you trust him with other women. You believe that he's been faithful since. I would say he made a really dumb mistake when he was still very young and has proven himself since. You don't say how you found out....or if there is a child from that pregnancy......I don't know how much these issues matter.

    Good luck....it sounds like there's a lot of love in your marriage and you can get through this.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 8:43 PM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • I think that for your family's sake to forgive would be the best option. I guess it depends on if you're WILLING to forgive him. It would be hurtful to all of you, including the children, if you said you'd forgive him, but then let it hang over your heads. Marriage, to me, is for better or worse, and if it were me, I'd get over it. But I also know that it's easier said than done. Another question would be is he wanting to see/get to know the other child? Would you be willing to accept something like that.
    Mrs.Frazzle

    Answer by Mrs.Frazzle at 8:42 PM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • I say forgive even though it will be a painful process, this is something that should have been brought up years ago, did he himself just find out or has he known all these years?
    Soon2Be8489

    Answer by Soon2Be8489 at 8:44 PM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • forgive. its been to long and it was along time ago its not like his cheating on you now.
    adoradamia

    Answer by adoradamia at 8:54 PM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • Forgive, and welcome this child into your family
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 8:57 PM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • Forgive. The child did not ask to be born. When you meet the child give him/her a big hug!!! It may be hard to do but you will just have to be strong and smile. Good luck.
    oliviahank

    Answer by oliviahank at 9:08 PM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • For 12.5 year this child lived w/out a father because he didn't want to tell you the truth. Plus he had UNPROTECTED sex, with someone else, exposing you to disease.
    Sorry but I don't agree with all the forgive posts. .. kids are no reason to stay togehter.
    say_tay

    Answer by say_tay at 9:40 PM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • How do you really know that was the last time he was unfaithfull to you. Because he said so.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 10:06 PM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • i would think long and hard about r marriage and what it means to me and then if i desided to stay with him i would accept the other child into urs and the kids life they have the rite to know they have another sibling out there. but i defently would have trust isses for here on in
    rainmommy

    Answer by rainmommy at 10:13 PM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • oh for goodness sakes, get real. Something that happened before your marriage is none of your concern when it comes to forgiving. I hope he's been paying child support.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:20 PM on Jul. 23, 2009