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why is it easier for some to patient more then others?

i know deep down inside MOST all of us moms truly want to be Patient .ind..and we do our best.. well i know i Try to do my best.. but WHY is being so sweet gentle and compassionate so easy for one mother yet a daily hourly struggle with another.. of course personalilitie.. views .. upbringing.. i was just thinking to myself how important it is for me to be slow to anger with my child.. yet i still struggle..i knw some moms struggle more then i do.. and hate themselves for it.. some moms wake up cheery happy and love to clean up messes.. and react just the right way over spilled milk... do u think its a personalilty thing environment.. or just plain choice to do the best we can no matter hw uncomfortable tired , and overwhelmed we get.. i tell myself hourly my child will only be young once.. dont be a bitch! why is it so easy to be sweet for some people?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:40 PM on Jul. 23, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (4)
  • Part of it is personality and part can be learned. I feel like I learned different things because of each of my children. I learned love with my first. Many moms feel this. With my last I learned how to be patient.

    My youngest son, like his other two brothers, was born with a genetic life threatening disease. I was very ill with my pregnancy with him and I was diagnosed with the disease and all three of my children also have it. It is a rare disease and we are the only family that has a parent and all children that have it. For me it was adult onset.

    My husband deserted us and filed for divorce during one of my hospitalizations. We had lots of medical stuff. Only 64% of people survive 20 years. That was 21 years ago and we are all doing OK.

    My youngest son was premature because I was so ill and has an IQ of 80. He also has bipolar disorder. We had to home school.
    GailllAZ

    Answer by GailllAZ at 10:53 PM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • Continued,

    I went to graduate school and homeschooled the three boys. My youngest started having bipolar symptoms at about age 4 and was diagnosed at 11. He is very rapid cycling, he can be manic and depressed in the same day.

    He is 21, could never pass his GED, has a full time job, financially supports me because I can't work, and is buying a house with a pool! We move in in 2 weeks. I have done a fantastic job with him. I have taken a child that could have been instutionalized or in prision like many males with early bipolar disorder and allowed him to excell. His older brothers with near genius IQs don't have houses.

    I did it with patience. Yoga, meditation, deep breathing. Reading every book La Leche League recommends on parenting. Going to parenting conferences. Taking psychology classes.
    GailllAZ

    Answer by GailllAZ at 11:04 PM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • First you need to understand the reason for anger. It's easy, "unmet expectations". Think about it, whenever you get angry it is because you created an expectation, possibly subconciously, and it has not been met. SO, if you expect your child to be able to drink a glass of milk without making a mess, and then there is a mess, you will start to feel angry.

    You have a few options here, Get a little angry, let the child know you are a little angry and move on.

    Hold it in until other stuff builds on top and makes you REALLY angry at which point you will explode.

    Realize that you are angry at yourself because a) you set your expectations too high, or b) you didn't do what it took to make sure your expectation was met.

    So why do some moms handle it better? Some have lower expectations, and others know where the fault really lies.

    Thank you anger management classes. I had to take them twice.
    Petie

    Answer by Petie at 12:07 AM on Jul. 24, 2009

  • I agree with Petie but also it is a matter of picking and choosing your battles. Also realizing your the adult! do you want to scream because they simply tipped over a glass of milk? or wait until they have used a black sharpie marker on your new couch?
    Also some parents are just unhappy and unsatisfied with life and need a "way out" whaether it be therapy, a support group or locking themselves in their room!
    I did that a single parent. Put the kids to bed at 9 pm and went to my room and got books on tape lit some candles and it was total me time!
    wheresthewayout

    Answer by wheresthewayout at 12:45 AM on Jul. 24, 2009

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