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What is the best way to go about this? (Divorce Question)

My husband and I are separated and have both previously stated that we want a divorce. We have a one year old daughter together. I am her custodial parent at the moment, and he only sees her every two to four weeks for a couple of hours...not because I don't give him the opportunity to see her...he just doesn't. Anyway, as of the last few weeks, the subject of divorce has become non existent. I want to go ahead with it. What is the best way to go about it? Should I just go ahead and file the papers and pay for it myself? Should I wait around for him to decide what he wants to do? Any advice would be helpful.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 10:59 PM on Jul. 23, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • You have to pay for your attorney no matter what. You can ask that he pay court costs and reimburse you for the filing fee. Wait around only if you think you can reconcile.

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:14 PM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • At this point, I don't really care if I have to pay for all of it, I just want to get it taken care of. I HATE being in limbo and not knowing what is going on. I want to be able to move on with my life. -OP

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:29 PM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • i would just file...he'll be served...make it clear that you want him to sign them!

    Answer by AustinsMommy306 at 11:43 PM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • Here are my suggestions. 1. File for divorce. I don't know what state you are in, but in my state (PA) after the other spouse receives the divorce papers there is a 3 month wait until they can be signed. 2. File for custody of your child. 3. Record EVERYTHING. When he visits your daughter, talks with her, how long he visits, if he is taking care of things financially, etc.

    Good luck, it certainly isn't easy.

    Answer by ProudSingleMum at 11:44 PM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • ProudSingleMom gave you some good advice....record everything. You should file. The person who files has an advantage. It's generally better to have an attorney than to try to do it yourself. You may or may not have to pay your attorney. My ex had to pay his attorney and father had to pay both his attorney and my mom's. All of this depends on the state you live in, and to some degree the judge you end up with.

    Answer by ohwrite at 12:23 AM on Jul. 24, 2009

  • have you BOTH tried EVERYTHING possible to keep your marriage to work?? Counseling, Communication? The reasons for the divorce has to weigh out the reasons to keep your family together. If so and you know that your vows (before the Lord) are no longer valid, then why wait around for him to file, you drive your own destiny. I would say if you havent went to counseling, you should try to get a hold of a pastor at any church, they are willing to help you keep your marriage together, this is Gods plan. One woman for One Man. Hope everything works out.

    Answer by Chellena at 12:30 PM on Jul. 24, 2009

  • It's definitely beyond the point of fixing, Chellena, but I appreciate the suggestions. I'm dealing with major emotional and some minor physical abuse, a man that takes no responsibility for his child, is unfaithful, and has a hardcore drug problem...among other things. I've tried more than I should have to fix everything and make it right and stay in a relationship for my child, and it's just plain unhealthy for everyone involved. Thanks all of you for the kind words and good advice.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:02 PM on Jul. 24, 2009

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