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Step mom question

Why does so many stepmom complained about the stepchildren? I seen so many question and posting about how much they dislike their step kids. They knew that their husband have children from another women. why complained about child support and dealing with the ex wife.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:08 PM on Jul. 23, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (6)
  • I'm not a step parent, so I can only offer a theory.
    Children are very protective when it comes to the familiarity of their normal routines, and the safety they feel within their family. When a new woman is introduced, they may possibly see them as a threat more than a wonderful addition to the family, and react accordingly. It really just depends on the child, and how old they are.
    milfalicious08

    Answer by milfalicious08 at 11:23 PM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • Not everyone lives together before they get married so they don't know what it's like.

    Mothers and step mothers have unique relationships. It's expected that they are the enemy. Even if a mother and step mother get along most of the time there are times when the relationship is difficult.

    I wasn't the step mother, I was the mother. My children had a step mother for about 17 years before she suddenly died. We had a good relationship and everyone got along almost all the time. She really loved my boys. She couldn't have children.

    My ex and I never went to court, not even for the divorce. We always worked things out. They paid minimal child support. She would buy my kids clothes at change of seasons and gifts, almost all they were allowed to take home.

    We didn't live in the same town so we were'nt friends. We just had the boys in common.
    GailllAZ

    Answer by GailllAZ at 11:28 PM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • We had issues as stepmom/mom, but to me, I didn't allow that to affect my relationship with my stepson. I had issues with my stepson, and embarassing moments in public when he would scream for his mommy, and it was difficult NOT to dislike him at that time. But I worked through it, I made a concious decision NOT to allow myself the luxury of disliking my stepson. I married my dh KNOWING he had a son, and we have an anniversary just for the day we became a family (it is on the date of our fancy wedding, our official wedding was just the two of us and my mom and dad).

    Petie

    Answer by Petie at 11:45 PM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • What you have to understand is alot of women let the pressure of bio-mom vs. dad, and kid having to figure out where stepmom stands, and they don't deal with it well. They don't know how to make that decision to nurture that relationship.

    you also have to understand that as a stepmom some ground rules are made clear on day 1.

    1. you are not one of the child's parents
    2. you cannot in anyway threaten the relationship of mom and child (even if it is imagined)
    3. you have no say so in how the child is raised or the discipline used

    BUT, you may be the primary caregiver at dad's house. THIS is the hardest thing to get through. Where is your place? How much love are you allowed to give? It is NOT an easy position to be in. Sharing the love of a child, knowing you will always be second best is one of the most difficult things to work through and learn to love the child through.
    Petie

    Answer by Petie at 11:47 PM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • The thing is women do not think about, how getting involved with a man, who already has kids will affect them and their relationship. Then they get married and get mad at the step kids the child support and everything else.
    When I was a single parent I tried to date guys with little kids and just knew I couldn't do it. My husband has a daughter, but she was 18 when I met him so it didn't matter as much. He gave her the house and bought a new one for me and our son and my kids. my step daughter will text me for hours yet won't call her dad!! so my issues with her are very different then most issues with stepmom and step kids
    wheresthewayout

    Answer by wheresthewayout at 12:30 AM on Jul. 24, 2009

  • As a former stepmom I can tell you in my case it was in the beginning I felt I had to share him. As we moved on and got married my ss behavior became worse. He moved away and had problems with his "step-father." I know now he just wanted his dad and mom back together. I think that is what it comes down to. I tried to regulate his life. he hated that. However, as I look back due to my ss death I would change my behavior in a heartbeat. My son broke down in tears the other night because he missed his brother after 4 years. He did love me and love him but it was a very hard relationship. It is something that you have to think about before you get married. It can be very emotional.
    robinsi2000

    Answer by robinsi2000 at 1:31 PM on Jul. 24, 2009

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