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How do I "explain" my niece and nephews to my kids?

Ok, we are white, but my husband's sister has 4 kids, to 4 different fathers, all a different race. The family is ok with it (with the races, not her promiscuous ways) , but I am concerned about how I will explain this to my kids. They havn't asked any questions yet, but I know eventually they will notice. Besides looking different, how can I explain all the kids having different father's? My 4 year old is already asking some questions about that, and I don't know really how to explain it to her.

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ginger813

Asked by ginger813 at 11:42 PM on Jul. 23, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 6 (111 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • For the four year old, I would probably just say each child has a different daddy because of divorce. Then you tell her divorce is when two parents live apart and sometimes marry someone else because they don't love each other anymore.

    Tell her the truth.

    You don't say how old the other kids are, but this explanation will open a conversation for them too, anyway.
    timelessglass

    Answer by timelessglass at 11:49 PM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • I would tell them the truth.
    psugal

    Answer by psugal at 11:49 PM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • Good question. Just tell them your SIL fell in love (whether she did or not) and God gave them a baby and that they have different Dads.

    I'm sorry if thats not very helpful. My mom has four kids- me, a 19 yr old, and 7 yr old and 4 year old. The 7 and 4 yr olds have the same dad (my step-dad). My sister has her dad (mom's ex-husband) and I have a dad (mom's boyfriend when she was 19 and was on BC..haha). But my sisters have grown up knowing their dad wasn't my dad and they've never asked questions.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:49 PM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • You shouldn't let race stand out even to her. Just let your kids know that they are different but no need to let them know it is cause different dads. Just tell them they are just different and that is what makes them special and keep it at that till they figure it out on their own ya know..? Race shouldn't be an issue my daughter is around different races all the time and I think if it is normal for them they won't usually question it..
    heather.darin

    Answer by heather.darin at 11:51 PM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • My sister is white, her kids are either hispanic or half black, and it was never really questioned, they are my kids cousins and that's that. As to having different dad's...they have different dad's, not much more explanation is needed. Be honest with them and keep it age approriate, but I can say it wasn't until my older kids were much older that it even dawned on them to ask any "real" questions.
    luckysevenwow

    Answer by luckysevenwow at 11:52 PM on Jul. 23, 2009

  • i would be honest, not offensive. in todays world, everyone just meshes together. i would say something to the extent of the children giving the family character and that its nice when everyone is different. and as for the different fathers, i would just say it happens sometimes, but tell your own children it makes life easier when you get married and then have kids. just to kind of promote wating until they are married to start having children. im unmarried with a bi-racial son, so im not really one to talk, but i remember my mom telling me something like that when i was younger and asked her why her friends kids all had different dads. lol.
    brodysmama23

    Answer by brodysmama23 at 12:02 AM on Jul. 24, 2009

  • Tell your kids that real love between people is because of what we do not what color our skin is. My kids have cousins of two different races separate from our race. And before one came into our family my youngest daughter's favorite dolls were always of a specific race other than our own. My family and my husband's family have never minded different race grandchildren either just like your, a great blessing.

    I told my kids that real love and real friendship doesn't care what color someone's skin is. That's all you have to say. It's really very easy.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:08 AM on Jul. 24, 2009

  • My sister is only 21 and has 4 kids my sons has asked me many questions about his aunts many kids and no fathers. She doesn't know who the dads are since each time she was sleeping with mulitple guys. Could be one of 10 guys with her 6 year old she slept with 10 guys in a three day period. They were all black so any of them could be the daddy. The next one it could be 8 different guys. With her 3rd 13 different guys than the first two. Her last she has no clue how many guys she went to bed with. She lives with our parents they are basically raising the kids but soon the kids will be living with us since she is signing her rights away. I plan to adopt them all and my son is curious about the kids and who their real daddy's are. I told him it didn't matter anymore since his daddy would be their real daddy soon. She has not made life easy on any of us with her slutty ways.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:23 AM on Jul. 24, 2009

  • Anon 11:23, I'm glad those kids will have a real daddy when you adopt them. No real man would help create a child and then turn his back. I've been with three men my whole life, and I am 40. I can't believe how many men she has been with!

    OP, I agree that the race thing should be a non-issue. My DD is almost 5, and has no idea that racial tension exists. I tell her that God made us all different, and that is a good thing. As far as the different daddies, I would wait until the kids ask. I wouldn't say that she fell in love and they had a baby, because I don't think that simply being "in love" is enough reason to have sex. I wish I had waited until I was married, and that is what we are teaching our kids. When we get questions like that we will tell them that sometimes good people make poor choices, but we still love them.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:46 AM on Jul. 24, 2009

  • There is nothing to explain, other than people come in all shapes, sizes, colors and abilities.
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 9:49 AM on Jul. 24, 2009

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