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I am having thoughts of having an affair outside my marriage.

I have a colleague of mine at work. He's good looking, nice and married. I am happily married to my husband for 4 years and to my son. I have a good reputation at work as a dedicated wife and mother. I don't know about his marriage But lately, he's giving me hints. I'm shielding myself not to fall for it. At the moment, i'm craving for an adevnture. Call me crazy but it's true. Is this just a phase?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:24 AM on Jul. 24, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • Well I hope you don't. If you want to sleep with another, divorce your husband. If you do sleep with another  you cheat on him and your son. Marriage is a commitments and has rough patches. You need to work through them with your husband. Communicate and maybe seek counseling. Looking outside the marriage is never the answer and will never fix your problem(s).

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:28 AM on Jul. 24, 2009

  • You better hope it's just a phase. Other than sex with someone new are you prepared right now to lose your husband and son? Are you prepared to have to start over and find a new place to live? To have your family look down on you or not speak to you? Are you prepared to be thought of as 'loose' by your co-workers or peers that respect you right now?

    That's what you should be thinking about when you are looking at having an affair. What do I stand to lose? Everything. You would do well to remind him that both of you are married and that is simply not allowed. You will lose everything that you've worked for and some courts during a divorce will place the child with the parent that wasn't unfaithful because they aren't lacking in character or morals. Once you lose trust in a spouse it's difficult to get it back, if it is regained. My ex cheated on me, I have our son and it was 8 years ago. Don't do it.
    lilbit022009

    Answer by lilbit022009 at 7:30 AM on Jul. 24, 2009

  • I hope its just a phase but I say just ignore it. you wouldnt want to give him the wrong idea or anyone else for that matter.
    Dom123123

    Answer by Dom123123 at 7:30 AM on Jul. 24, 2009

  • Instead of having an affair outside the marriage...have an affair with your husband. Yes...HUSBAND. Spice things up with him. Rekindle what you feel you have lost (because you must feel as if you lost something-otherwise you wouldn't be craving an adventure outside the marriage). Why not get a baby sitter for the night, and rent a hotel room. Don't tell you husband, just tell him that you are giving him a surprise? If you can get to the hotel room early and spruce it up...bring candles or music or things that work for the two of you (or try some new things) and then dress up sexy and bring him.

    Leave hints around the house for a scavenger hunt for your husband to find you!! Go out to dinner and flirt like you guys used to. Have sex in an unexpected place...or go back to a place that has memories that do it for the two of you. There is so much that you can do to rekindle the marriage!!
    LaceyAM

    Answer by LaceyAM at 7:35 AM on Jul. 24, 2009

  • Bad idea to get involved with a co-worker. When it ends there are all kinds of bad feelings and uncomfortable times.

    When I got married I promised to keep myself for my husband. Being loyal to your husband is one thing about marriage- it ensures against getting STDs, it makes sure of who is the daddy of any children, it gives a feeling of security. If you no longer feel that you are in a marriage- that you are not bound by a promise that you made to stay loyal to your husband, then be up front with him about it. Perhaps counseling would help.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 7:37 AM on Jul. 24, 2009

  • You may be craving another man's attention but is it really worth ruining what you and your husband have? Is it worth ruining your family? Do you realize you may also hurt your child. How hot is this guy anyway, because you are about to throw away happiness for a moment off adventure so I hope he is worth it.
    mamofive

    Answer by mamofive at 7:47 AM on Jul. 24, 2009

  • You say you are "Happily Married" Yet you are thinking of cheating on your husband..You must not be that happy,if you were you wouldn't be thinking about cheating on him.

    lilmaiyagirl

    Answer by lilmaiyagirl at 7:47 AM on Jul. 24, 2009

  • I agree with lilmaiyagirl. Please don't do that to yourself or your family. Set boundaries with this guy now, if he doesn't stop flirting bring it to the attention of the boss. NO ONE is worth hurting your family.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:00 AM on Jul. 24, 2009

  • OP- You're all right. I am being selfish. If I give in to that, what do i have to lose? EVERYTHING & EVERYONE I LOVE. I am being unfair to my husband and to my son. I know I'm treading dangerous waters, but I think this is the best, I'll just let him be as my colleague and nothing more.

    Thank you for all your concern and sharing. ;)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:02 AM on Jul. 24, 2009

  • Oh please don't do it. I'll tell you like I'd tell one of my dd's. It will not turn out good...I promise! It's better to keep it in your mind. Eventually one of you will have to leave your job, even if noone finds out, which is very unlikely. You are risking alot, your marriage, your job, your own self respect...not to mention what your co-worker would be risking.
    robinann5

    Answer by robinann5 at 8:03 AM on Jul. 24, 2009

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