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How Do I Handle This?

Let me just start off by saying that I love my husband and we have a fantastic relationship! This one thing, however, has been bothering me for awhile. I'm just not sure how to handle it...

Everytime we make plans to do anything, it always has to be with his family or friends. Everytime I suggest doing something with my family or friends he groans, moans, and complains. Usually, he won't go and tells me just to go alone. I can't even tell you the last time we saw my family, but we've been seeing his every weekend! I feel bad because I don't want my family or friends to think I'm blowing them off or not making time for them. The truth is that I'm just too embarassed to tell anyone what's really going on. I don't even tell him that it bothers me because I don't want to start a fight. What do I do? I'm getting really fed up with the situation and I'm sick of dodging invitations.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 9:03 AM on Jul. 24, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • if you have a fantastic relationship with your husband
    why have you not felt comfortable enough to bring this up to him

    Answer by boredmom44 at 9:07 AM on Jul. 24, 2009

  • go without him.... my dh don't go to all of my family stuff with me, like tomorrow is my niece's bday party & my dh isn't going.... i went to his niece's bday party in june & i plan on going to his nephew's in a few weeks as long as my baby stays in lol... idk it don't bother me for my dh not to go but i like going with him to his family stuff GL

    Answer by josiesmommy00 at 9:08 AM on Jul. 24, 2009

  • I would go and visit my family alone. I would also not make any excuses for him. If you are asked why he doesn't come, tell them that you aren't sure and that they should ask him. It could be that your husband feels inferior to your family, while he feels secure with his own. But since he has not told you that, you cannot know for sure. I would invite him to come with me, and if he chose not to go, I would go ahead and keep my plans. I do think that at some point, you should tell him that when you married him, you did not realize that you would be going with him to see his family, but that he would not be coming with you to visit yours. I would further tell him that I expected that it would work both ways, and that I am very disappointed that it's not working out that way. If you hold your thoughts and feelings on the inside, they will eventually turn to anger, so you need to express them, but do it respectfully.

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:10 AM on Jul. 24, 2009

  • You need to sit him down and let him know it bothers you. Ask him WHY he does not want to be with your family. I would remind him that you see his family all the time, and it is only fair that you socialize with your family too.
    Let him know that you want to see your family, and if he does not want to go, then go without him. There is no reason why you should keep putting your family off with excuses just because he moans and groans about going. It would be nice if he could stop the groaning
    and just go once in a while too.

    Good luck!

    Answer by MizLee at 9:46 AM on Jul. 24, 2009

  • I agree with Mizlee. But I would take it a step in the immature direction...I wouldn't go to his family functions until he went to mine. You're a couple and a family, and that's how things should be done. I wouldn't let him get away with not coming, cuz then ur family is going to get offended that he dont want to come, and that would embarass the hell out of me. Here, you married this man and made ur family witness your wonderful choice of marriage to him, and now he's making you look like a liar. Mostly because I think he's being a jerk by not going, and he's making u look like a jerk and a fool. So by not going to his family functions, you're making him feel the way you do.Like I said it's immature, but letting him get away with that is not ok either. You are a family!!

    Answer by mumma28 at 10:05 AM on Jul. 24, 2009

  • well i can say that my S/O doesnt really like to go visit my family only bc it is like a 1hour and a half drive but soemtimes he does bc he knows how close i am to my family. and he knows i do everythign with his family and i do everyrthing i can for his family so sometimes he will go with me but like i said it is only bc of hte drive he gets along great with my family i am very close with my family but soemtiems i dont even like going to their house lol

    you need to talk to him about it though bc that is not right. you need to find out why he doesnt like going to viist your famliy tell him you do it for him and he needs to do it for you


    Answer by alw06tchs at 12:30 PM on Jul. 24, 2009

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