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my SO is gross- what can i do?

we have been together about 3 yrs,have a 1yo son. He comes home from work dirty and smelly, but only showers 2 or 3 times a week. He almost never brushes his teeth. when we have sex i am so grossed out i want to hit him. i've told him nicely and in a mean way.he knows i won't have sex unless he's had a shower, but when i was pregnant and not in the mood, he used to brush his teeth and come to bed thinking it was supposed to turn me on.i constantly tell him he has really bad breath,but he goes for weeks w/out brushing them. i am so disgusted and i feel really disrespected.what would you do???


Asked by Anonymous at 11:52 AM on Jul. 24, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (17)
  • Ive been here, at night when my husband would get in the bed wanting sex, I would jsut say no, he would ask why, I would say because you aint clean. Most of the time he would get up and take a bath. We went thru the teeth thing, he would kiss me and I'll back up, he then knew I was tellin him to brush his teeth. he WAS like this in the beggining but was such a good man, that I worked with him. He's getting alot bedda, and he knows how I am about hygeine. Not to mention hes not circumsized, so the only time I will have sex with him is when he is fresh outta the shower. Work with him, if your smelling clean and good everynight, he should start to feel nasty beside you.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:54 PM on Jul. 24, 2009

  • Gross! This may be selfish but I would leave a man who had poor hygiene.

    Answer by LuvBug3 at 11:54 AM on Jul. 24, 2009

  • lmao girl im in ur shoes but my man shower like 4-5 days a week but needs to shower every day and yes i tell him sorry no lovin for u if u dont shower....some nights he will come to bed wanting some i just turn over and go to sleep even thoguh i really want some to ......he has to learn somehow.....just keep on him be like dang u stink maybe u should shower and brush ur teeth and also say hey look the sheets are cean so i would like them to stay clean go got to be luck

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:55 AM on Jul. 24, 2009

  • yuck!
    Excuse me, I need no go take a shower again after reading this
    sorry, I have no answer for you
    except withhold sex unless he bathes and brushes teeth

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:55 AM on Jul. 24, 2009

  • I could've posted this myself. YOU ARE NOT ALONE..... ideas for you. Some have worked for me at times over my marriage

    1) Your one year old should have at least one tooth by now.... set up a ritual where baby and daddy brush together. Tell DH you're having a terrible time teaching baby to like brushing and bed him to step in and take over that by brushing with him

    2) When he returns from work have clean comfy clothes and warm towels all laid out. The guilt of the extra work you did and the less work HE did can help

    3) And when it's REAL bad... offer to shower with him

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:56 AM on Jul. 24, 2009

  • My guy was kind of like that for a while, with the not brushing his teeth thing, I just tell him baby your breath stinks or we brush our teeth together, tell him you want his company when your doing it and they just hand him the tooth brush, if you have to treat him like a kid you have to ,.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:57 AM on Jul. 24, 2009

  • Be nice, posters.... if you haven't been there it's a lonely and humiliating problem to be alone in. It's not like she can talk to her friends and family about this.... we're it. Be constructive and don't say hateful things about the man she loves

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:58 AM on Jul. 24, 2009

  • My ex was just like that. I used to have to have sex in the shower with him b/c it was the only way to get him to take a shower. Nothing worked to get him to start brushing his teeth, so I just quit kissing him. Made no difference to him. I left him for other reasons, but his bad hygiene did not help matters at all. Some men just don't get it, and nothing you can say or do will change that. I'd try some of the suggestions these women have made, but if they don't work, then I guess just either get some noseplugs or leave him. I don't know of any other way. Good luck!

    Answer by tropicalmama at 12:01 PM on Jul. 24, 2009

  • I had the exact same problem, it's just how my ex husband was raised. His mother was very cost conservative and thought it only needful to bathe once or twice a week. My ex would come to bed smelling SO gross, and his breath would REEK. I just flat out told him and told him but he never cared nor listened. It's not the reason we are not together anymore but it was totally gross. You're not alone in this situation, I tried talking to my ex but that didn't work, but maybe it will for you. That's the first thing I would do is talk to him, and tell him how much it bothers you. Good luck!

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:02 PM on Jul. 24, 2009

  • Just tell him it's a deal-breaker --- either he practices good normal hygeine, or you walk.

    Answer by Laura1229 at 12:05 PM on Jul. 24, 2009

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