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Help me settle an etiquette question...

We have invited another couple over for dinner.

I asked them to bring a dessert (and mentioned I cannot eat walnuts or pecans.)

I asked if they had any food sensitivities...and was informed that they don't eat pork or most seafood.

I was then told by another person, that I was RUDE for
#1 asking our guests to bring something and
#2 stipulating what they could not bring (no walnuts or pecans).

What do you think?


Asked by MamaK88 at 2:38 PM on Jul. 24, 2009 in Food & Drink

Level 33 (62,090 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • I don't think it was rude for either.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:40 PM on Jul. 24, 2009

  • That's a tough one. It might have been slightly rude to ask them to bring something, but when we're asked to dinner, I always offer. That said, we're invited to a barbecue next week, and we were asked to bring a side dish. I wasn't offended at all.

    I do NOT think it's rude to instruct what can not be brought, simply because the invitees may have no idea of food allergies/sensitivities that exist, and with some being so severe that even the scent can trigger a reaction, it's better to be safe than sorry.

    Answer by BearsMommy at 2:43 PM on Jul. 24, 2009

  • Not at all rude.

    Answer by jenree33 at 2:43 PM on Jul. 24, 2009

  • That wasn't rude at all. How uncomfortable do you think it would have made them if they had brought pecan pie over and you told them you couldn't eat it because you're allergic? I'd personally feel terrible and would ask why you didn't say anything.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:43 PM on Jul. 24, 2009

  • It could be rude to some people that you asked them to bring a dessert. The thought behind it being that you are the hostess and are inviting them to come dine on your dime. If they had offered to bring something, then there would be no issue at all.

    I see no problem with you mentioning the food sensitivity, unless it is the type of person who is offended by being asked to bring something. By restricting what they are bringing, you would be 'adding insult to injury'.

    JMO on all and if you were my friend I wouldn't care if you asked.


    Answer by honeyb3 at 2:47 PM on Jul. 24, 2009

  • It totally depends on who they are...good friends? Not rude at all... even if they are newer friends I'm sure they asked what they could bring anyway, not rude. And I agree, I'd be very embarrassed if I brought something that someone was allergic to.

    Now if its your boss and his wife? rude.

    Answer by gramsmom at 2:47 PM on Jul. 24, 2009

  • Not rude. I always offer to bring something. As far as the food sensitivity... very thoughtful of you.


    Answer by MAUREEN55 at 3:03 PM on Jul. 24, 2009

  • If they offered, then not rude at all.

    If they didn't offer, then not exactly rude, but not cordial. A way around this would be to have said that you are hosting a dinner and would they like to come and bring something, then they could have decided whether to accept the invitation. But if you invite them for dinner, and they accept, then it's just slightly inappropriate to say then please bring dessert and don't bring something with this and that. But saying what you are allergic to was not rude, especially if it followed your asking if they had food allergies or preferences.


    Answer by Bmat at 3:58 PM on Jul. 24, 2009

  • Seeing a nut allergy can be deadly, there was nothing wrong with letting them know of your allergy. Also, you were being nice to ask if there was anything they couldn't eat. I do the same thing because I don't always know dietary restrictions, allergies or religious beliefs.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 4:31 PM on Jul. 24, 2009

  • Not rude. I like when people ask me what I do and don't eat (being Jewish, I don't eat pork and I'm a diabetic). Asking for a dessert (and letting them know about your allergies) is also not rude and most people are not offended if you ask. When we have get-togethers, the host makes the entree and asks the guests to contribute. Also, since we don't drink, we tell our friends that it's BYOB.

    Answer by bocamom62 at 4:46 PM on Jul. 24, 2009