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Scared and don't know where to start. Please help!

My fiance (or ex-fiance I guess should say) split up a month ago. We have a one year old daughter and were never married. I've been a stay at home mom since she was born and am having a hard time finding a job. Is it true that I have full custody until a petition has been filed by him? He is making everthing very difficult. He called me a half hour before he was supposed to pick her up for a visit yesterday to cancel. When I asked him to bring diapers over he said no because he was going out of town the next day for his week long vacation. He told me to get my mother to buy them and he MIGHT reimburse her. He threatened to take her from me because I have no money to buy her diapers. I guess none of that is really relivent to my question...I'm just venting, I suppose. Anyway, any info is greatly appreciated. Also, we live in TN.

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Asked by HaydensMommy708 at 7:52 PM on Jul. 24, 2009 in Relationships

Level 1 (2 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • I would find some legal help from your county. And start documenting absolutely everything he does and says. He cancels his visit with her but wants full custody of her? Things like not making his visits won't hold well for him in court. (Just in case he ever did decide to try to take custody.)

    Also, see legal aid about getting child support from him. He is her father and needs to be giving you money for her even if you have never been married.

    Answer by TessLouise at 7:56 PM on Jul. 24, 2009

  • everytime he calls sees her or cancells refuses to buy her anything stuff like that in pa they cant force u to get a job as long as ur lo is under 6 yrs old idk how it is in ur state

    Answer by rainmommy at 9:12 PM on Jul. 24, 2009

  • if he's threatening to take her from you, i wouldn't let him pick her up at all. It's true he doesn't technically have the right to visitation if u never married or had legitimization papers filed, but I had my son taken by my ex and it's been almost 13 years now of bullshit court hearings. If he just takes her and you can't afford an attorney, then you're screwed. don't be nice. tell him he can see her at your parents place or something until he files for his paternal rights and child support.

    Answer by ranedare at 9:14 PM on Jul. 24, 2009

  • Is his name on her birth certificate? If not, then he has no rights to her at all, just what you're willing to let him do. If he is, then you automatically have joint custody unless a court says otherwise, but you are the custodial parent since she lives with you and have more rights. Don't let him see her alone, only with you or your parents present, and I wouldn't let him see her at all if he wont even buy her some diapers. I've been in your shoes, and I know it's tough, but you WILL get through this. Instead of waiting for him to file papers, I'd talk to legal aid and see if they can help you get a case started. Go to DHS, or whatever it's called in your state. They have programs to help families with little or no money and will actually file for child support for you once you are in the program. Most places will help you find a job or get career training too. Good luck.

    Answer by chamaham at 9:31 PM on Jul. 24, 2009

  • i went through the exact same thing, except we were married.
    - If he is on the birth certificate as dad, niether of you currently have custody. You can keep her from him, until he files a order of custody through the court. - if you let him take her, he can keep her from you and does not have to give her back, there is nothing you or the police could do about it, until the court date and custody was set.

    - So i suggest monday morning you go to the local family court, or whatever your court is that handles family buisiness like that and file for custody. You will get a court date, you can have full with him with visitation or joint custody. With joint custody.. there is either joint legal custody and full physical custody, which means you would have full custody with him getting visitation, but you both would ahve 50% of legal say, such as schools, haircuts, doctors...etc..

    Answer by sharisse at 9:50 PM on Jul. 24, 2009

  • continuing ^^^ or joint physical custody which means you both would get to see her about the same. Its free to fill out these papers and go to court. I suggest you also fill out an order of child support while there also.

    Answer by sharisse at 9:51 PM on Jul. 24, 2009

  • I'm pretty sure the law is he has no rights- EVEN with his name on birth certificate if you have never married. At least it's the law in Georgia. Both of my son's fathers had to file legitimation(or whatever it's called) before joint custody papers could be drawn up.

    Answer by ranedare at 11:06 AM on Jul. 25, 2009

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