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Need help... :(

I've been in an abusive relationship, & my husband& I are now separated. We have a one year old daughter who he sees fairly rarely...not because I don't let him. I have an appointment with a lawyer next week to talk about filing for divorce, & firstly, to find out the facts about it, legally, because I don't really know them, & about child custody. My husband has continued his abusive behavior towards me, has no signs of changing, & now to my mom....he got fired from his job today & he threw the blame on both of us & harassed my mom at work....& he showed up at my moms house "looking for me" while my mom wasn't home...thankfully, neither was I. I'm already out of the relationship, but his behavior is increasingly worrying me & I no longer feel safe being alone anywhere, & don't think our daughter being around him is healthy. I can't find a women's crisis center or anything like it close to where I live...what do I do next?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:58 PM on Jul. 24, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • You could go to your local police station and get a restraining order. Best of luck... hugs.
    MaxLover

    Answer by MaxLover at 10:02 PM on Jul. 24, 2009

  • yeah, if you are starting to get concerned, that's where to start, the police station.
    Lesli

    Answer by Lesli at 10:06 PM on Jul. 24, 2009

  • the closest domestic violence shelter should be able to make arrangements for you to get to the shelter. Many times they will come after you and take you to safety. Did you call to see if they offer that service? Now is the most dangerous time for you and you need to get to a safe place.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:08 PM on Jul. 24, 2009

  • document all this ... give dates, times and all people involved.... tape record your interaction with him - phone or in person.... keep a recorder on you .... you will want to take this info with you to your meeting next week... I would get a restraining order if you fear his actions... list your home and your mother's home and work.... as far as you little one goes, you might want to avoid visits until you know your legal rights, keep all the documentation going ... you might need it later to be her primary parent...
    BlessingsBegin

    Answer by BlessingsBegin at 10:09 PM on Jul. 24, 2009

  • call the national hotline and ask them for a shelter in your area that will pick you up. 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE)
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:10 PM on Jul. 24, 2009

  • contact the police department hun
    my prayers are with you
    rose549

    Answer by rose549 at 10:12 PM on Jul. 24, 2009

  • I agree with everyone, call the police. You and your daughter need to be safe. My prayers are with you.
    momof337

    Answer by momof337 at 10:17 PM on Jul. 24, 2009

  • Thank you everyone. This is such a hard situation. I've been in it before, but not with a child involved, and it's much more complicated...but I'm doing my best.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:19 PM on Jul. 24, 2009

  • I agree with the others, go to the police. Tell them all his behaviors and get a restraining order. Then start a record log- and anytime he harrasses you write it down. Show it to your lawyer at your first visit. I wish you and your daughter the best of luck.
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 11:04 PM on Jul. 24, 2009

  • Agreed - safety for you & your daughter are priority #1.
    ~Restraining order is step one - or EPO - but to truly abusive men... that is only a piece of paper
    ~Document EVERYTHING, dates, times, exactly what happened
    ~Police station, or local church to look for battered woman shelter
    ~NEVER give him - or anyone who can have contact with him - any information about where you are or ways to get in contact with you
    ~FIRST & FOREMOST - PRAY!

    I am in prayer with you. My mother was a battered woman for more than 15 years. When she did finally decide to get out, and take my brother and myself with her we were in constant fear.
    Just a year after she left my father, they met for court ordered mediation. Somehow he convinced her to go to the house they used to share. There, he got her back to the bedroom & shot her in her right temple. He then picked her up, laid her on the bed they shared, crossed her arms and placed a pillow under her
    RutterMama

    Answer by RutterMama at 11:26 PM on Jul. 24, 2009

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