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What should I do about my father in law?

Long story short, My husband's grandma is renting us her house, while she lives with her son, my FIL. Big fight broke out about her repairing the roof, me and my husband tried to do the right thing and make up with them even tho we did nothing wrong. We explored our options to move, but we have not enough income, money down, etc and no one will approve us for a loan, a rental, or a fricken cardboard box, so we decided to stick it out until I've been at my job longer, and my husband can show more income. Pretty much we are stuck here at least until tax time. When we tried to make up with FIL he came over, belittled me in my own home, searched my home for some reason, and said he had to make a few "phone calls" before he left. I dont know what he meant by that, but he also said he has been driving past the house "to see his grandkids" which I know is shit, but lets just say thats the last time we saw him. Continued...


Asked by mumma28 at 11:30 PM on Jul. 24, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (12)
  • If he is taking advantage of his mother, he could be guilty of elder-abuse. If he is keeping her isolated from her family, that is wrong. She could be in danger and too afraid of him to say anything. I would try to talk to her privately and find out. Maybe call her the next time you know he is out of the house, maybe when he is doing one of his drive by's on your house. Tough situation...good luck.

    Answer by JawgaMom1 at 6:54 AM on Jul. 25, 2009

  • Since then we've seen him drive past here at least once a day, and even tho we thought we made up good with grandma, we haven't seen her at all. When she was here the day FIL was, she looked like she was in a really tight spot and didnt know which way to look. I think he is manipulating her, and stalking us. I'm afraid if we get a PPO or something and he gets arrested, they will do something stupid to us, like kick us out, or call CPS and make up a story, or anything else they could do to hurt us. He is a coniving manipulative asshole, and I have no idea what to do, but I can't live like this til february

    Answer by mumma28 at 11:33 PM on Jul. 24, 2009

  • where is your husband? He needs to be a man and tell dad to lay off! avoid this nutcase! pray and get a good guard dog!

    Answer by 2mothershelpers at 11:36 PM on Jul. 24, 2009

  • Just ignore him and don't play his game. Have your husband tell him he can't come over unless he is home.

    You can't get a protective order for him driving by the house.

    Answer by GailllAZ at 11:43 PM on Jul. 24, 2009

  • The funny thing is the whole thing started mostly, I think, because we couldnt afford to get "the prince", his stepson a graduation present and FIL a fathers day present, but we did get a card. He started all this trouble for selfish reasons. He's not speaking to his other son (obviously, my husband's brother) for the same reason.. This is ridiculous, I just want to throw a rock at his car everytime I see him drive by. Grandma still gets mail here (her name is on the house, nothing we can do about that) and they sneak up on my covered porch to get it, I feel like I shouldnt say certain things in case they hear. This is making me sick.

    Answer by mumma28 at 12:03 AM on Jul. 25, 2009

  • No grandma doesn't have to get her mail there. She's the landlord. If you rented from a stranger would you let them get their mail there? No. Fill out a Change of Address Card for her for the post office. That place is your home so they can't kick you out without officially evicting you and they'd have to give you notice and take you to court and explain to the judge what's up and why they are kicking you out. In some states it takes longer to get an eviction done with kids in the house. You could check your state Tenant Landlord Act to see what your rights are as well as your responsibilities. As for FIL, keep a log of his visits past the house. If he trespasses then note that as well. If you feel like it is necessary then get a Order of Protection.

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:27 AM on Jul. 25, 2009

  • in law situations are always HARD.. my bf is extremely loyal to his family no matter what. and there have been some crazy situations and games theyve played.
    if i were you, i would try my hardest to kill them with kindness. as long as he isnt violent or making threats, wave when he drives by. if he is searching to make issues out of something so small, he has some soul searching to do and is pointing is resentment in the wrong direction, and those little spats are probably the highlights of his day.. so i wouldnt even give them to him.

    Answer by Samanthao2006 at 1:17 AM on Jul. 25, 2009

  • There is something in the law about Peaceful Enjoyment of the Property. So even though Grandma owns the house, you still have a right to your privacy and to be left alone. We had to fight a landlord over this issue. We lived upstairs from two shops. Well at the bottom of the staircase was a glass door and at the top was a pocket door with a chain lock. I Locked it all the time when my DH wasn't home. Good thing I did because one day he decided to try to enter our apartment and was upset that it had been locked! Ah, sorry I had a crawling infant and was actually in the tub, our bathroom was almost directly across from our entrance and because my baby was little, I had left the bathroom door open. Which is how I knew that he had been trying to get in, I saw his hand try to undo the chain lock! He was trying to evict us over the "lock" but the court sided with us. We moved soon after that.

    Answer by Lesli at 1:28 AM on Jul. 25, 2009

  • I'd have to tell the FIL that instead of driving by to see his grandchildren, why not just walk up to the door and knock. With the mail... I'd put a lock on it so that mail can be dropped in, but without a key no mail can be taken out (talk to your postmaster as to what you can do).
    I have no doubt everyone in your husband's family (including you and the children) are feeling stress right now and I'm so sorry for you and yours, but somehow you're going to have to make the best of a bad situation and unless he's threatening, there's not much you can do about your FIL driving by your house, but you can welcome him in if he's just wanting to see the children.
    As soon as possible I'd be moving out of there because the house isn't worth losing the family. Whoever said they'd have to do a eviction is correct, it's a time consuming thing to get someone out of your house. I agree, check the laws in your state.

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 2:48 AM on Jul. 25, 2009

  • Expect a drop in visit from CPS. Seriously. I think your FIL will call them just to piss you off. Make sure your house is spotless and you have food in the fridge for the kids.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:43 AM on Jul. 25, 2009