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Is it normal to still not have a connection with my 4 month old?

My four month old is really fussy and I am having a hard time feeling anything for him.

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Asked by boo_bear at 12:37 AM on Jul. 25, 2009 in Babies (0-12 months)

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Answers (27)
  • I think you have postpartum depression. You need to talk to the dr.


    Answer by Anonymous at 12:40 AM on Jul. 25, 2009

  • I don't understand how some couldn't feel for their baby, from the day I saw my baby to this day, I have an overwhelming amount of love for her & my other kids. not trying to bash just saying/

    Answer by QueenOfNagsHead at 12:41 AM on Jul. 25, 2009

  • It has to be hard to admit this. It can take time for the feeling to grow. Are you breastfeeding? If you breastfeed you have hormonal advantages that create a symbiotic relationship between you and your baby. If you aren't breastfeeding, you just don't have that.

    You can do some things to help. Have skin to skin contact with your baby. Wear your baby in a sling. Sleep with your baby in your room. Always hold your baby close when feeding. Try baby massage.

    Answer by GailllAZ at 12:42 AM on Jul. 25, 2009

  • I would definitely talk to the dr - it might be postpartum depression. Also, I think the suggestions made by a previous poster about things to foster that connection might help as well.

    Answer by missanc at 12:47 AM on Jul. 25, 2009

  • God, harsh much anon.? Jesus, some people should not be allowed to open their mouths, ever. Anyway, my baby was very very fussy for the first 2 mos. of her life. She seriously cried for 12 hrs. a day. All my friends who had babies were like "isn't it so great being a mother?" and I was like "I ruined my life!" As she grew out of her fussiness, things def. changed. She's now 4.5 mos. and I do feel truly 'connected' to her. But it took some time for me. It's so hard when all they do is fuss and drain you of all your energy. Your tired and everything is new and it's just difficult. Your baby will get better, trust me! I used to bathe with her at night when she'd be at her worst and it was soothing for both of us. Keep in mind your baby can sense your frustration and it might make him more fussy. So stay as calm as you can and he'll grow out of it. Good luck. I know how you feel.

    Answer by danielp at 12:49 AM on Jul. 25, 2009

  • you might also just be a home who's not happy at home. if you worked before baby that could be a part of it. some moms do go back to work between six to eight weeks after having a baby, others go back later. if you're a better mom happier with life, your baby your family when you work you're still a good mom.

    talk to your obgyn or primary. maybe some counselling too even with a minister who's ministry includes availability to talk with parishoners. if you have ppd or the other babydepression it's good that your recognizing somethings not right. Be proud you know something's wrong. And you spoke up here. Now call your own doctor. Do you have a partner or familymember to help you, give you breaks? If not ask your minister for help from ladies in church. Older church women just love to help out families.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:53 AM on Jul. 25, 2009

  • Anonymous,
    Shame on you.


    It is common for mother to not feel anything for their baby or to not feel what they think they are supposed to feel. This can be for a number of reasons. Over half of pregnancies are accidents. There are difficult pregnancies and births. Some women without breastfeeding have trouble because they don't have the love hormone oxytocin. Many women are single mothers. Some women are terrified of being mothers. Some babies are born the gender the mother or father didn't want. Babies are born with birth defects. Babies are born premature. Babies are born sick. Births can leave moms exhausted, sick or disabled. Women give up careers they worked years to build.

    What do you mean you can't understand why some women have problems feeling instant love and maternal feelings!


    Answer by GailllAZ at 12:53 AM on Jul. 25, 2009

  • I don't think it's normal. As other's have said, it could be postpartum and it is extremely important for you to talk to your doctor. I have a strong connection with my baby, but the first couple weeks, I really didn't even want to do anything. It was just all new and it was very diffucult. And I'm a single mom which makes it even harder. When I am around her, I try to stay as calm as possible because I don't want her to get frustrated. It's hard. Talk to your doctor. You and your baby will benefit. Good Luck

    Answer by NOLAmommaKRYS at 12:55 AM on Jul. 25, 2009

  • i agree with danielp.. if your baby is extremely fussy and cranky, its understandable to not feel as connected. im sure you are exhausted and stressed.. but it will pass.
    ive been there, just caught up in the stress, frustrated, and overwhelmed..
    and then when they finally do fall asleep, their little faces look so peaceful and precious.. that took ALL of my stress away.

    Answer by Samanthao2006 at 12:56 AM on Jul. 25, 2009

  • To me it is normal to feel very overwhelmed and stress out to a point that you don't feel as connected to your baby. I love my son dearly but there are times I get so stressed out that I have to have someone else take him for a bit. Even if its just a few min. Take a breather mom you will make it through this. If you didn't love your lo you wouldn't be asking this question on this site. Hang in there it will get better

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:57 AM on Jul. 25, 2009

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