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"we accept the love we think we deserve"

okay so i dont know how much you guys place on the way your parents parent you affects your personality, but i'm the textbook example of someone whos parents parented them 'neglectful-indulgent' (they were very cold and emotionally detached) and my attachment style growing up was avoidant. and as a grown up i'm a very closed off person, i dont share my feelings, i have problems being intimate, and i try my hardest to close myself off from people.

anyway my husband LOVES me to death, and although i'm not sure i'm capable of love in the conventional sense, i love him to the best of my ability. is there anyway i can get over my intimacy problems?

i'm not BLAMING my parents, i understand they tried their hardest, and i love them for putting up with my mental health issues (i'm bipolar and have OCD) i just wish for my husband and son i could be a better person.

anyone have experience with this? please?


Asked by pookipoo at 3:07 AM on Jul. 25, 2009 in Relationships

Level 18 (6,127 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • It's very common to suffer the effects of your parents poor parenting. I know I have for quite some time. I experienced hearing I was stupid for most of my life and now find myself constantly doubting myself. I no longer blame my parents for my adult difficulties. I've sought counseling and suggest the same to you. It will go a long way to dig deep at what's keeping you from allowing yourself to get close and be intimate. Good luck!

    Answer by momof1monkey70 at 3:45 AM on Jul. 25, 2009

  • I don't know what you are going through but when it comes to being intimate with your hubby, take control of your thoughts just stop them and relax your mind and body focus only on what's infront of you and how it makes you feel, basicly you just need to let go of everything and relax and enjoy hope it makes sense

    Answer by looovemybabies at 3:18 AM on Jul. 25, 2009

  • momof1monkey i dont want to say my parents did a poor job because i know they tried their best, but i do agree i need some counseling, i've tried but i think i need to find a counselor that works for me. thank you for the advice it means a lot :]

    Answer by pookipoo at 3:57 AM on Jul. 25, 2009

  • I had similar issues the first couple of years of our marriage but I eventually got over it, relaxed, and started making a point of being affectionate with my husband every day. Even just a kiss and hug can make him feel better and you will become more accustomed to showing affection. I would also talk to a counselor about this.

    Answer by chocaholic888 at 4:12 AM on Jul. 25, 2009

  • Whether your parents did a poor job or not, the point is you have to find a way to deal with it now. Being bi-polar isn't an easy thing to begin with and intimacy problems are a given from the get go when you have that. Know that is half your battle. I'm reading a book called Go Away Come Closer: when what you need the most is what you fear the most - a book about intimacy by Terry Hershey I'm not sure how it ends but so far it's informative. Just keep trying is all I can say.

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:50 AM on Jul. 25, 2009

  • p.s. have you joined any CM groups for moms who are bi-polar? that might help

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:51 AM on Jul. 25, 2009