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My father has been in the hospital for two weeks and no one told me! What would you do- or nothing?

I am a product of my father's second marriage. Growing up, he and his family always compared my siblings and I to his kids from his first marriage and we always came up short. His family also never liked or accepted my mother.

During my early teenage years, my father cheated on my mom and was into drugs which led to problems with him lying on me, my siblings mother to his family, making the hard feelings even worse. There was also some physical abuse to both my mom and my sister and I.

The worst of this was over about 15 years ago. I have been in contact with him since he was diagnosed with diabetes several times per year. My kids love him and have no idea anything was ever wrong so when we're in town we always visit him (3-4 times per year).

Anyway, my mom just called and told me that he's been in the hospital with complications of diabetes and prostate problems. (CONT)

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:18 PM on Jul. 25, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • OP (CONT) She found out from a neighbor who knows my father's girlfriend (even though my parents never divorced). His kids from his first marriage, his ex-wife, girlfriend, and all his family have been visiting him and no one bothered to even let us know. My father also didn't call, even though I go out of my way to keep in contact for my kids' sake. If you were me, would you call one of his relatives and ask that they keep us in the loop in the future? Any advice is appreciated.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:21 PM on Jul. 25, 2009

  • OP here- I also think my father might be in the early stages of dementia or Alzheimer's based on the conversations I've had with him this past year and his behavior.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:24 PM on Jul. 25, 2009

  • You can't do much about what's already happened but go see him and tell him you care and want to stay in touch with him. Tell him you want to be contacted. Maybe it's just as simple as telling him. Just try
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 3:28 PM on Jul. 25, 2009

  • Talk to the doctors, you are blood and they can call you when there is a problem. My dad did that with his mom, so the doc will call you.

    This generation doesn't believe in telling people that they are sick my MIL has severe back pains, but she never told us that instead she just said, "no I dont want to see the new baby" When we showed up at her house she had her back go out several time, and now we understand that she couldn't come, not didn't want to come.

    You can try talking to the other family or girffriend, but I have a feeling that will be a dead end. You could talk to your dad, but I have a feeling it will happen again.

    I wouldn't get mad at anyone, it is about your dad. You need to take care of him and be there for him, we don't do these things, because we get something out of it, we do it because it is the right thing to do.
    hollieham0

    Answer by hollieham0 at 3:50 PM on Jul. 25, 2009

  • i can't really tell you tahti think you should be around them, his family or him. he abused you, abandoned you emotionally allowed others to talk bad about you, what's the point. if his family did this to you, whne will they do to your child, my husband's family don't like me, but he's family is small and hardly around, they don't really talk about me, exempt one and that's after my husband nearly kicked him out of our home and he only comes to teh door to see my MIL. if you want you should talk to teh doctor nad give them your information to be contact with any updates but if i were you, i'd keep my children from him and his life, family and girlfriend. i nearly left my mother to her ex boyfriend becasue i didn't like hima nd she was still married to my father. she was playing with them both and i told her to choice my father or lose me and my father. i was always beside her but i wasn't going to take anymore and you should
    sherlockhlm

    Answer by sherlockhlm at 4:53 PM on Jul. 25, 2009

  • cont... not take anymore either. why be where you are not wanted you are grown and your kids don't need to learn yoru pain or to be like his family and him.
    sherlockhlm

    Answer by sherlockhlm at 4:54 PM on Jul. 25, 2009

  • Id make a trip to the hossy and let the staff know you want notifications as well since you live out of town and then Id let your father and another family member know as well that you are to be kept in the loop.

    As far as what they've already done in not telling you...let it slide.
    Amaranth361

    Answer by Amaranth361 at 6:30 PM on Jul. 25, 2009

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