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Am I being a total bitch?

I am pregant with my second daughter due in september. When I had my first I was induced so every knew the day and time to be at the hospital. At the time I didn't know any better so I didn't say anything when EVERYONE wanted to be there. But I felt totally uncomfortable having people there while I was in labor (not had labor, just the beggining stuff). My BIL was there and my inlaws, my parents and couple of friends. I hated it. The only people I felt comfortable with was my mom and my husband. This time my mom is taking my daughter and I told my husband I don't really want anyone else there except him. He agreed. When he told his mom, she got upset and said she was there for all the births of her grandchildren. I feel guilty now, but I really want my privacy, I don't know if I should just let her be there. Am I being selfish if I don't?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:20 PM on Jul. 25, 2009 in Pregnancy

Answers (37)
  • No. What matters most is your comfort during labor. Your MIL will just have to suck it up and wait outside the delivery room.
    tnm786

    Answer by tnm786 at 11:22 PM on Jul. 25, 2009

  • No offense to her, but forget your MIL! That day is all about YOU! You being comfortable, and happy. This is your time to be selfish. So, you stand up for yourself, and tell your MIL to screw off :]
    shessohippie

    Answer by shessohippie at 11:23 PM on Jul. 25, 2009

  • NOOOO!
    u have the right to have a peaceful calm birth!
    tell her to come AFTER baby is born!
    JnCV

    Answer by JnCV at 11:23 PM on Jul. 25, 2009

  • i was induced too and only my hubby and mom were in the room, my in laws live in washington so i don't have to deal with that drama. but i would have asked them to wait outside, i wouldn't want an audience. besides every little noise bugged me during labor and my mom yelling "push" every minute in my ear was enough to drive me up the wall gahh
    ilovenoah26

    Answer by ilovenoah26 at 11:24 PM on Jul. 25, 2009

  • It's your birth experience. I say have who you want in there and that's it. If they care about the new baby, they'll get over it once he/she has arrived. No need for you to be uncomfortable. I can't imagine all those people, let alone your BIL! That's just insane. Lucky for us none of our family live close so it will just be my husband.
    Christina807

    Answer by Christina807 at 11:24 PM on Jul. 25, 2009

  • Ugh what the hell is it with MIL's feeling like they have a right to be in the room?! My MIL was pissed too when I told her I only wanted my fiance in the room. You should NOT feel guilty at all. Birthing a child is the hardest thing you will probably ever have to do and there is no reason why you should feel guilty for trying to make an already tough situation a little easier on yourself and more comfortable. You have whomever you want in the room...no one more no one less. If MIL has a problem with it, OH WELL! She's just gonna have to get over it. This is YOUR body being exposed and YOUR time to do the work to get a child out. Whatever makes it easiest on you is what you need to do. If having her in the room is going to make you uncomfortable, its going to make the whole situation much more stressful than it has to be. No is no and that's that. She has no right to get upset.
    Ash9724

    Answer by Ash9724 at 11:24 PM on Jul. 25, 2009

  • Psh! This is my first and I know my MIL wants to be in the room but eff that. I dont feel comfortable with her in there so she wont be. Don't feel bad. Stick to your guns! It's YOUR delivery not hers. It's YOUR child not hers. She needs to back off
    firethearson

    Answer by firethearson at 11:27 PM on Jul. 25, 2009

  • I went through the exact same thing! I'm due around the same time as you too! The only difference is that my fiance doesn't want to be in the room this time. It's your choice and your right to have only those who you want there. Don't let them push you around and your mother in law has to learn her boundaries. Trust me, my fiance is an only child and I really had to set boundaries with his mom or I'd be going nuts right now!

    Don't feel guilty. You don't need that stress right now and make sure your hubby sticks up for you. It's his mom and his job to come to your rescue and deal with her. Why should you have to look like the bad guy?

    Hope you feel better.
    tcarter1981

    Answer by tcarter1981 at 11:34 PM on Jul. 25, 2009

  • I guess I'm pretty thankful my MIL is not like this. She was at the hospital but waited out in the waiting room, as did my mother. I ended up having a c-section, but that's how it would have been anyways.
    Skye-Angel

    Answer by Skye-Angel at 11:37 PM on Jul. 25, 2009

  • I agree and I don't. I'm the MIL. I got to be at the birth of my grandson. I wasn't sure I was going to. My DIL is a bitch and doesn't like anyone and doesn't do anything nice. It was more important than being at their wedding. It was more important than being at my wedding.

    You can tell your MIL what might bother you. I knew to stand close to her head for modesty. She needed me to help her push. She didn't think she wanted pictures of the birth but then she did and I was able to take them. She ended up bleeding a lot and I was able to be with the baby and my son was able to be with her while they were getting the bleeding under control.

    As the mother you think your baby is all yours, but it isn't. If your baby is lucky he also has a father, grandparents, aunts, uncles, maybe great-grandparents. These relationships are important.
    GailllAZ

    Answer by GailllAZ at 11:44 PM on Jul. 25, 2009

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