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My son said someone touched him!!!!!!

I"m so lost right now. I'm not going to go into exact details..he was not raped..but he told us he was touched inappropriatly. This other boy happens to be my husband's best friends son. Who is 8 my son is barely 3 and a half. But my son knows bad touch good touch. My husband went and talked to the boys parents they questioned the boy he denied it of course..That's not my issue i don't really care what happens to the boy. My question is how to i talk to my son and let him know it's not his fault. but this isn't something he needs to tell everyone. We do not want to involve the police as my son will NEVER be around this child again. How do we talk to our son!!!!????

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Asked by Anonymous at 1:32 AM on Jul. 26, 2009 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Answers (9)
  • i seriously would consider a child psychologist because they really know how to address such matters to children in the appropriate matter, if u can't afford one, the county mental health systems usually help u out, i went there for counseling and they have a whole section just for kids, don't be embarrassed to ask for help because your son can be truly affected by this, my husband was molested as a child, and nothing was ever done, he was traumatized because of it.

    Answer by sylvia-ann at 1:54 AM on Jul. 26, 2009

  • Well, if that boy did in fact touch your son inappropriately he needs help. He will just continue to do it, or he will stop so he doesn't get into trouble but will continue to want to do it. This boy could become a sex offender later on if something isn't done now. And maybe nothing can help him, he may end up a sex offender anyway. But I would delicately talk to his parents about getting him help.

    As for your son, ask him how he feels about it. You don't want to make it worse by acting too upset about it. He may not feel too bad about it not really understanding the implications. Make sure that he knows that he was right to tell you, that you are proud of him for telling you because it was probably difficult for him to do. He may have thought you would be upset with him. Just play it by ear and don't act as if it is a big deal but don't make too light of it either. It is a tough line to walk. (cont.)

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:59 AM on Jul. 26, 2009

  • And I am sorry that you even have to have this conversation with him. Just do the best you can and offer him as much love and support as he needs.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:00 AM on Jul. 26, 2009

  • BTW-by not makng a big deal I just mean that he is safe and alive, you don't want to scare him somehow. He may not be affected too much by it. He was touched, but not raped. Not that one is really worse than the other, they are both abuse. But I think that being raped would probably be much more traumatic. And if he is mostly okay, you don't want to traumatize him.

    Also, I agre with the first poster that you should take your sone to at least see a therapist so they can kind of guage the level where he has been affected and where to go from here.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:07 AM on Jul. 26, 2009

  • I had the same thing happen well not the same but a problem like that. Our neighbors children were best friends with ours! My girls went over to their house to eat dinner because they were moving and they all wanted to spend time together. Their son was 12 at the time he showed his privates to my daughter, I did call the police and sadly they said she's 4 there is not much they could do it is word against word! The system has failed. I just retold her the privates story and how that's hers and only hers and only when I help her wipe or a Doctor checks her is it O.K. Fortunately I had already had the "no one touches your special places" talk and she knew to tell me. He told her it was a special flashlight.
    Just reassure your little angel that he did the right thing! I am glad to hear he wasn't to afraid to tell you. It is very scary and I think you will do a great job! Ley him know how proud you are that he came to you!

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:04 AM on Jul. 26, 2009

  • I'd invite the child over for a playdate and question him myself. That would be the only thing other than the police I can think of.......

    Answer by hibbingmom at 1:38 PM on Jul. 26, 2009

  • PS.... think of other kids. If that kid doesn't get help... you'll pretty much assuring the abuse of more people. I guess after my rage subsided, I'd talk to the parents and make them a deal that you wouldn't press charges IF they got the kid counseling on the side.... and see proof of that.

    Answer by hibbingmom at 1:39 PM on Jul. 26, 2009

  • The 8 year old had to get it from somewhere, maybe he's a victim. I would run to the authority fast, BUT is is up to you.

    Answer by ambr2006 at 4:57 PM on Jul. 26, 2009

  • I would just tell him he did the right thing coming to you. If he knows a bad touch...we tell our kids any place your bathing suit covers is off limits, then you can be proud he came to you and at such a young age. I would keep him from the other child for sure, but that is it. I would tell your son that you or a doctor are the only ones he should tell..or whom every is on your list of trusted people. Then I would drop it, even if he mentions it again. Chances are, at this age, he will not remember it happened. Something similar happened to my SD when she was almost 3. The therapist told everyone involevd to never mention it again and she would forget. She is now 14 and has no recolection of the event, and we are happy. I am sorry you had to go through this. IMO the bigger deal you make of this the more traumatic it will become for him. Praise him for doing the right thing, then let it go.

    Answer by salexander at 4:30 PM on Jul. 27, 2009

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