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how do I deal with my 17 year olds not wanting to do anything.

he use to help out a lot. now he doesn't appriciate anything or receipricate doesn't seem to care about anything. work, school, homelife. has no ambition.

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4purplelion

Asked by 4purplelion at 9:40 AM on Jul. 26, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (8)
  • If he does not do anything around the house to help. Stop giving him stuff he likes. If he has a cell phone that you pay for, cancel his service. Take his computer access away from him. Take his tv out of his room. Any other things he likes to do take it away. Tell him why it is happening.

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 9:56 AM on Jul. 26, 2009

  • Bring home some job applications, that will get his attention. I have a 14 year old son, and he get lazy as well, while he is too young to work, I make him do things like mow the grass, take out the garbage, and clean up after the poodle he begged me for, Its called being responsible. My oldest sister is still taking care of her 23 year old son, sad but true.
    ambr2006

    Answer by ambr2006 at 10:24 AM on Jul. 26, 2009

  • You have to do whatever you can to force him to take some responsibility for himself. He has to get a job. If you don't change this behavior you'll have a 30 year old grown man laying around your house! Take things from him that you pay for, like cell, computer, car...make him earn these things. You only owe him food, shelter and basic clothes. You have to force him to be a man. It is hard...very hard when they seem to want to fight you, but you have to do it. Whatver it takes to turn him into a responsible man. GL
    robinann5

    Answer by robinann5 at 10:51 AM on Jul. 26, 2009

  • I once was 17, and I'm far from having to deal with my own kids at that age, but I believe I can offer advice. If he was helping, if he did have a job, and if school's suffering, he may be depressed. Tough love is great if he's just being rebellious, but it might be something deeper, and you're the parent so you need to do whatever it takes to get to the bottom of this. I had a friend like this, and her parents kept on her, forced her more responsibility, and she just kept getting worse so they kicked her out at 17 yrs old. She had a serious problem, she just wanted to be loved. Do you have any other kids? Younger, maybe? Are they requiring more attention? The poor girl I'm talking about wanted to be close to her mother, and for 5 years after she was emancipated, she bounced around from place to place and struggled. She got into drugs heavy, and killed herself this year. Just make sure he's not depressed, investigate.
    mumma28

    Answer by mumma28 at 12:18 PM on Jul. 26, 2009

  • You only owe him food, shelter and basic clothes

    You also owe him guidance and morals, and a good start in life (such as education and college). Kids dont choose us, we choose them, whether intentionally or not. While what these other parents are saying is good advice, I know what depression looks like and forcing him to do things before you get to the bottom of stuff is going to drive him away, and force him on a difficult road. Start small, while you investigate: Mow the Lawn, Clean your room, Do the dishes, try not to express an angry tone, use "I messages". "I would really love it if you could help me by mowing the lawn, I just can't do it by myself". Try not to start fights, sometimes reverse psychology works. " I understand you don't want to mow the lawn. Why don't you sit here and watch TV and I'll go do it, then maybe you can help me empty the bag?" He'll think he's being treated like a child and may comply then.
    mumma28

    Answer by mumma28 at 12:26 PM on Jul. 26, 2009

  • It is not true that you owe your child a college education. Legally once your child is 18. They are legally grown. You do not legally have to spend your money to send your child to college.

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 9:16 PM on Jul. 26, 2009

  • Maybe not legally, but why wouldn't you want to? You might not even be able to pay for all of it, but at least do the best you can to give them a good start in life. I think it's selfish to have kids, and when they're 18 kick them to the curb and tell them to "figure it out". I know they must learn responsibility. That's why you tell them to get a job. After they are 18 if they want to still live with you, you tell them to pay rent. But I think a college education is important, and I will make my kids go, even to get their basics in. And since I feel it's important, I should try to help him pay for it. If you only wanted your kids until they were "legally" allowed to leave, then you shouldnt have had any. My parents couldnt provide me with a college education, but they help me when they can, especially since although I'm doing the best I can without a college degree, and I still struggle. cont..
    mumma28

    Answer by mumma28 at 11:51 PM on Jul. 26, 2009

  • My DH's parents only had to sign their name and he was in college for free, and they wouldn't do it. Why wouldn't you want your kids to have a better shot at life than you did? We have 2 kids and by next year we want to buy a home, my parents agree we need one, and will be happy for us to have one. His parents dont think we should have anything yet, because they didnt at our age (me-28, him 23). No they were too busy buying themselves things they didnt need at high prices, bowling, roller skating and cheating on each other to be able to have a home. You can't kick a bird out of the nest until it's ready to fly, otherwise it will fall to the ground and break his neck. You may not "legally" owe your kids anything at 18, but why wouldnt you give them the tools to help them thrive?
    mumma28

    Answer by mumma28 at 11:58 PM on Jul. 26, 2009

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