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i am engaged to a wonderful man ..... we set a date that was supposed to be in august but changed it to feb so that we would have more money for the wedding.... but i fell that im not ready i guess reality set in.... i can see myself with him forever i just dont know if im ready to be married ... im not sure if it makes sense..... my mom just got married for the 3rd time i dont want to be like that.... we do have a 7 month old but i have other reasons im not ready either and i know that you cant change a person.... my df drinks nearly every weekend and his father and grandfather are alcoholics i dont want that to happen and not be able to walk away...i dont know im so confused... i said i wanted to wait a year or 2 more adn he said he didnt want to do i just tell him straight out that im not ready... i dont want to be a divorce statistic

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Asked by jaksonsmommy at 12:30 PM on Jul. 26, 2009 in Relationships

Level 16 (2,610 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • Just tell him that you dont think your ready. He should understand and be ok with that. If he loves you and wants to be with you then he will wait. My mom put off a marrage for 6 years with my stepdad because she wanted to be sure she was ready. Good luck and just remember he is his own man not his dad or grandfather. Bring up that you dont like how he drinks every weekend but tell him that it wouldnt be bad if it was an every other week thing. Good luck hun =)

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:37 PM on Jul. 26, 2009

  • When in doubt, go without......

    Answering the actual question: When you are positive of your choice and no doubts cross your mind, then it is the best thing since sliced bread. It will go stale if you leave it out of the bag for too long though.

    Answer by mumma28 at 12:44 PM on Jul. 26, 2009

  • Its not about how do "we" feel about marriage. The question is how do you feel about marriage with this specific man? My guess is that you are not ready to make that legal commitment to this specific man as long as he continues to drink at the current level he consumes on the weekends. You at least owe him the reasons and share the concerns that you have. In the mean time protect yourself by not investing in any assets with him at this time, don't buy a house or property, a car, do a joint bank account. Keep things separate so that if you choose to walk away or he does - you will be free from the finacial clutter and complications. The best way to protect your child is to protect yourself. He may be a wonderful person but we humans are complicated. So if you have that funny feeling - don't do it until you are 100 percent satisfied.

    Answer by frogdawg at 12:55 PM on Jul. 26, 2009

  • Personally, I think you should only do it if you have no doubts. I have been with my hubby for almost 8 yrs, we have 3 kids (and 1 on the way) and I am still not sure if I want to marry him. We dont plan on breaking up or anything and I love him, but at this point I am not sure when it will happen. I definately think its a bad idea if its only because you have a child together. Go with your gut. Tell him where you stand and take it from there!

    Answer by KaRaBaSsEtT at 1:20 PM on Jul. 26, 2009

  • i will say this. I love my DH and our children with all my heart. I was not ready to be married or be a mother. I was 23 and while most people were enjoying the young adult life I was being a house wife with a son on the way. I never lived alone. I've never been to a club with friends. I've never been on a road trip... I gave up a lot. And then I had children and that was it. I'm sorry that I married before having 'my life' I'm sorry I had children before enjoying 'our life' Just make sure you have done everything you want to do on your own!

    Answer by But_Mommie at 1:44 PM on Jul. 26, 2009

  • If you're not 100% sure, I would be honest with him. I grew up with an alcoholic father and watched that tear my family apart. You don't want that for your kid(s). Also, you need to make sure you will be able to live with this man the rest of your life. Is he a total slob when you like things neater and cleaner? Can you count on him to do what he says he will do? Can he get things done that are his responsibility? An unhappy marriage can make you miserable for many years, and divorce can make you and your kid(s) miserable, plus you get to deal with an obnoxious ex.

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 11:35 PM on Jul. 26, 2009

  • Sounds like you are having reservations about getting married. Which is completly normal. If you feel like he could be become an acholics drinks every weekened. you need to work those issues out before your married.
    Sounds also like you have a level head about it, marriage isn't for everyone. It's a full commintment. YOu may be committed but to you trust your man to be the same way.
    If your heart always has worries and your asking then you may want to consider holding off. You shouldn't have any pressure to do it if your not ready.

    personally, I'm very happy in my marriage, but its' a constant give and take, not only that but constant communtication. it can get exhausting some days. I know that my husband and I have our ups and downs but we both want it. There's no guartees for the future but we work hard everyday to ensure a great marriage! good luck to you!

    Answer by Sillylins at 3:16 PM on Jul. 27, 2009

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