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how can i be a better step- parent ?

when my husband and i got married he had two children.we had a daughter that passed away last year and i am currently pregnant with a child due in september.sometimes i feel like i hate his children for being alive and i know that sounds horrible but would really like some advice on what i should do.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:07 PM on Jul. 26, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (5)
  • First off you need to see his children as just that children, they need love and acceptance. Try to form a relationship with them. Talk to them about what they like, how they feel. Form more of a friendship with them. You can't jump in and be the "mom". They have to know you care about them and they can trust you. It does take time, but you have to be the one to make the effort.
    robinann5

    Answer by robinann5 at 3:11 PM on Jul. 26, 2009

  • Your daughter was your husbands too. IM sure he was just as upset as you were. His children did not cause the death or your baby. I can see how youre upset but those kids didnt do anything. You'll always remember her and keep her alive in you and now in your new baby. Just look at it like that. His children lost a sister too
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:14 PM on Jul. 26, 2009

  • It is not their fault, but what you can do is try to be positive about it.I am sorry about your loss and congrads...for this baby just make the best of it and treat your stepkids as they were your own those are His kids even though they are a part of his ex, but there is nothing you can do about that just see the dad in them...:) Good Luck and may you have a smooth and healthy pregnancy. It's how you look at things keep your head up.
    Butterfly1108

    Answer by Butterfly1108 at 3:19 PM on Jul. 26, 2009

  • It sounds like you may actually need some professional counseling. I cannot imagine what you are feeling, and I can only imagine that you have directed that anger at the children that survived that are not yours. You really should speak to someone who can help you sort through all these emotions.
    Petie

    Answer by Petie at 3:40 PM on Jul. 26, 2009

  • I could maybe understand some jealousy towards your husband's ex, but there is no reason to feel that way towards the children. I know you probably don't want to hear this, but even just a few sessions with someone that could listen to you about your loss would help you handle your feelings a lot better.

    Right now, just focus your emotions on the fact that you're pregnant! Last month I lost my baby at 12 weeks and right after found out my cousin who's like a sister to me is pregnant. I was worried that when I saw her that I'd be unintentionally mean, but when I thought about it, there's always another chance for me to get pregnant. All that I can do now is be there for her and be happy because anyone having a baby is a beautiful thing.
    ours

    Answer by ours at 3:43 PM on Jul. 26, 2009

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