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What can I do to forgive him and make our marriage good again?

I found out about 2 years ago that my husband was on Myspace flirting with other women and having conversations with them, posting in groups about sex stuff, etc. I also found out that he was emailing an old girlfriend of his. He would make love with me and then go right back online the very next day and do this mess. I found out and he said he loved me so much and didn't want to lose me. However, he wouldn't tell me all of the things he had done, so I had to research our computer and find them out myself. I tried to forgive him and keep our marriage because we have three children together and I really wanted them to have a complete family. I wanted to forgive him and learn to trust him again and make our marriage even better. However, even after all of this time I still have major issues with it. I don't feel like I am good enough for him because he did this in the first place so I must not have been good enough.....

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:43 PM on Jul. 26, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • in the first place. I just feel like I am not good enough or sexy enough or anything for him and to him. He said he did it because he was stupid and he is so sorry. I would like to make our marriage happy and strong again for our children and us but I'm just not sure how to really forgive him and get by it. Any ideas?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:45 PM on Jul. 26, 2009

  • Pray about it. I'd also talk with a religious adviser or a marriage counselor.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 4:46 PM on Jul. 26, 2009

  • It in no way is because you are not good enough or he would not have said he wanted to stay with you. This has to do with his own personal insecurities and needing to boost his ego for whatever reason. The first thing you have to do is to stop blaming yourself. He is a big boy and made his own decision to act the way he did and he needs to be held accountable for that. Secondly, you need to sit down with him and have a serious talk and tell him everything you are feeling and why. You have to tell him, no holds barred, no sugar coating and explain to him what bothers you the most. I am not sure how to get over what he has done to you in the past, but I think you are a strong woman and you sound like you only want what you think is best for your family. Ultimately you have to decide if you think you will ever fully trust him again and go from there, and that has to be a very tough. Good luck to you, I wish you the best.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:50 PM on Jul. 26, 2009

  • Watch Fireproof together and possibly give the Love Dare a shot...it may sound a bit hokey, but it has worked for my DH and me, and I know many others who have been completely amazed and astounded by it. It is for relationships that are strong or floundering....both can benefit from this process. Only slightly over a month long to do, but again, i believe you will be pleasantly surprised
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:52 PM on Jul. 26, 2009

  • jmo, i wouldnt forgive i would leave
    jbirchard

    Answer by jbirchard at 5:08 PM on Jul. 26, 2009

  • I know a guy who does that and he'd never leave his family. It's like going window shopping. What you have at home is what you want but you still look to see what's out there. Sometimes we even go in the store and touch the fabric or try the item on but we have no intention of replacing what we have. I'm not saying he should "touch" or "try on for size' but I'm saying guys dont' think like we do when it comes to other ppl. He doesn't see he's disrespecting you. He's just out playing. Not sure that helps but I don't think he sees it as harming your relationship. Men can be stupid ya know!
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 5:10 PM on Jul. 26, 2009

  • okay, from experience guys who are looking is not feeling it at home. this is in no way has anything to do with you are anything you have done. men like to have their ego boosted and trust me the other women are probably doing that. i have went through this crap my last two marriages. it takes a lot to rebuild that trust again. my ex said i was not his mother and he did not have to report his every move to me. the pastor we spoke to had requested that he stay in contact with me thoughout his work shift and of course he did not and that was his excuse. there is a book called" his needs her needs how to affair proof a marriage". it is a great book but both people have to be willing to do their part. another book is "the power of a praying wife" it works but be willing for reasons and possibly affairs to come out in the open, do not be treated like a door mat and if he is worth forgiving then do it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:25 PM on Jul. 26, 2009

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