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am i chasing him away?

i can't help but to be nosey about everything my boyfriend does, i have really big trust issues due to previous relationships. and although i try my hardest to trust him, especially because he hasn't given me a reason not to, im always thinking the worst in the back of my mind. i just can't help it! i don't want to lose him but i feel like pretty soon he's going to get sick of the 20 questions all the time and leave me. i need some advice! what do you ladies think?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:44 AM on Jul. 27, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • oh and i should add, ever since i've fallen in love with him it's even worse! im scared out of my mind that he will cheat or something and ill be brokenhearted AGAIN!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:46 AM on Jul. 27, 2009

  • I think you need counseling. It's not a bad thing but a good therapist will help you work through your trust issues.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:46 AM on Jul. 27, 2009

  • I was like that with my hubby when we first started dating. In fact we both had trust issues. And we knew that if we didn't start trusting each other the relationship would crumble. So we just let go of all of our insecurities and started trusting each other. It took awhile to really build that trust but now that we have it we have never been better. So my advice is that if he hasn't given you a reason to not trust him then let go and trust him. You can't let all the past losers cause you to lose a hero. Let them go and trust him.

    Samantha_1629

    Answer by Samantha_1629 at 1:50 AM on Jul. 27, 2009

  • whenever I think the worst about ANYTHING, it always makes me feel better to think "Well, everything is great right now. if and when anything happens to change that, I will get through it then." Just let go and make it a point not to worry so much. The nagging isnt going to keep him from cheating anyway. For now, just be thankful for what you have together.
    jenellemarie

    Answer by jenellemarie at 1:56 AM on Jul. 27, 2009

  • My husband is like this ive never given him any reason not to trust me never cheated on him and have always been very honest about thing probably too honest,and it is causing major issues in our marriage,I feel like it is pushing me away and I know this is so cliche but I sometimes feel like if I am constantly being acused of stuff and nagged I may as well do something (I wouldnt but it does cross my mind)If someone wants to be with you they will and if they dont they wont its as simple as that for me,hes with you so unless he gives you a reason not to you should back off
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:29 AM on Jul. 27, 2009

  • Yeah, after 7 years and 2 kids, we've learned that sometimes you just have to keep your thoughts to yourself. If it's not relevant, don't bring up the fact that you're insecure all the time. You've made it clear how you feel and if you keep on talking about it he's going to get sick of it. Don't forget that guys think differently than women. It doesn't mean they're bad. They just don't want to hear it and deal with drama or hear about it all the time. Even if he was doing something wrong, until you have actual proof it's not like you're going to leave him and if you do catch him you'll deal with it then.


    I think instead of making him unhappy be accusing him and being up his butt all the time you should be focusing on making him happy, so he doesn't have the need to go elsewhere.
    tcarter1981

    Answer by tcarter1981 at 7:41 AM on Jul. 27, 2009

  • Tell him you need some time to get yourself straightened out. Look for some help to understand why you are so insecure and it probably doesn't have anything to do with your most recent past. When a woman is insecure, she draws to herself men who make her feel even more insecure. So you need to have help getting to the root of your problem, so that you will begin to attract the right kind of men.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:09 AM on Jul. 27, 2009

  • Maybe you were not ready to get into another relationship yet.
    Learn to trust your self and you will trust him too.
    Try to stay away from women that trash men and make you start thinking negative thoughts about yours.
    Think on all the good reasons and things that drew you and him together when you start feeling insecure.
    Think it if you must; but keep it to yourself...some men finally do it; because they have already been accused so many times of it.
    Try praying about how you are feeling. Pray does help.
    bloodbought

    Answer by bloodbought at 8:34 AM on Jul. 27, 2009

  • Listen to yourself and learn. I did that and yes I pushed him away and feel miserable over it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:06 AM on Jul. 27, 2009

  • I too think you need counseling. You need to work on this because the trust issue is yours not his. In my op...yes you will eventually drive him away. Work on fixing yourself, and things should go easier.
    salexander

    Answer by salexander at 10:43 AM on Jul. 27, 2009

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