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This is a serious question about the man my daughter is going to marry on September 9th...

Okay, I'm very religious and I used to not believe being gay is in the genes, I used to believe it was a sub conscious choice, but now my daughter is engaged to a man from our church who says he 'used to be' gay and wants to be saved from his choice and I'm not so sure... She says she's madly in love with him, and really he is a perfect man, he's never pressured her, he comes over and cooks for us, and even cleans up after himself. But what if gay isn't a choice? Please give me guidance. I don't know what to do but pray...

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:01 AM on Jul. 27, 2009 in Religion & Beliefs

This question is closed.
Answers (80)
  • Being gay is not a choice.

    Some people are born gay and yes, there is scientific evidence behind the predisposition to same-sex attraction. Some people become gay because of outside factors in their environment that lead them into relationships that they would not normally choose; just like someone who has gone through an emotional trauma or experience and chooses an abusive or unhealthy same-sex relationship. Either way, your sexual attraction is not a choice. People who are gay don't just wake up one morning and say "gee, I'm going to tick everyone off today and start dating someone of the same gender as me. I enjoy mockery, social bashing and religious bantering! I want to live a lifestyle that's rejected and discriminated against and stripped of civil liberty by choice!" Do we REALLY believe that's someone's honest choice?! (cont.)
    NovemberLove

    Answer by NovemberLove at 9:02 AM on Jul. 27, 2009

  • get him tested for stds! PRAY
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:05 AM on Jul. 27, 2009

  • hpv, hiv ect
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:05 AM on Jul. 27, 2009

  • yes that is also a concern of mine! i've told my daughter this but she gets so upset with me!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:07 AM on Jul. 27, 2009

  • u cannot stop her but maybe you could slow it down, maybe ask her to date him longer ? how long have they dated? so sorry you must be stressed! not the ideal but God loves us all! Romans 3:23

    but I know this must be rough!
    GIVE HER AIDS BROCHURES IN HER MAILBOX ANNON.?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:10 AM on Jul. 27, 2009

  • There is no "cure for gay" it's a trait just like blonde hair or freckles. No matter how hard he tries to dye it brown, the roots are still blonde. Eventually the day will probably come that he can't take it anymore, unless he's bi and happy with your daughter.

    As for the STD thing, make sure your daughter is tested too, for his safety. Most STD's are carried by straight people.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:12 AM on Jul. 27, 2009

  • I wish I knew the answer. My uncle was married and a few years into the marriage he finally came out of the closet. They divorced, his daughter was devastated. Everyone is happy now, but it was a big bump in their lives.

    I also have a friend who I know to enjoy the company of men but who denies being gay. I know that he finds women attractive, but I also know that he wants to be a father badly. Knowing what I know about his feelings about men, I would never get involved with him. I think any hetero marriage he has will end up very like my uncle's. He will have children and then decide that what would really make him feel happy and right with himself is to be with a man.

    (cont.)
    casperskitty

    Answer by casperskitty at 3:16 AM on Jul. 27, 2009

  • There is no "cure for gay" it's a trait just like blonde hair or freckles. No matter how hard he tries to dye it brown, the roots are still blonde


    Thats what i'm afraid of! They've been together for 9 months engaged for 2! I'm just at a loss! But how can I express my concerns to my daughter? I try and she calls me a hypocrite in God's eyes, and that breaks my heart!

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:16 AM on Jul. 27, 2009

  • I don't know about your daughter's fiance. I believe that being gay is NOT a choice. I believe that he will either stay and be unhappy with your daughter or he will eventually leave her.

    Obviously, talking to your daughter hasn't had any effect. And giving her pamphlets about AIDS isn't going to either. It is only going to make her shut you out.

    Instead, go to him. Ask him out to lunch, just the two of you. Really have a heart to heart with him. Ask if he wants to steal these years from your daughter only to decide that he is gay after all. She is young and has a life ahead of her. Does he want to be the reason that she has to start over at 30, or 35 (I don't know how old they both are now)?

    Maybe find a church that accepts gays and talk to him about just talking with them. It may very well be a religious upbringing that is making him deny his sexuality and they may be able to make him more comfortable in his skin.
    casperskitty

    Answer by casperskitty at 3:23 AM on Jul. 27, 2009

  • How strong is your faith in God? If you really believe in God then you need to pray about it. For some people it is a choice. I have a friend who used to be Bi-sexual and she's not any more.
    All things are possible through God. Keep your faith and pray.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:25 AM on Jul. 27, 2009

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