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LOVE?

Ok so I have been married for 7 years and together for 9 I care for my husband deeply we have a wonderful family.Now that ive said that two years ago I got in contact with an ex we had a very brief relationship (2 weeks) and I hadnt talked to him in 10 years but I always thought of him through the years and still had feeling for him,I have always told my husband about him and how he was the one who got away,anyhow when we got in contact he told me that he felt the same way,that through all this time he still loved me,we both agreed although we still loved each other nothing could come of it,I told my husband and also told him that I would stop speaking to the ex to make things easier. It been a year since me and my ex last spoke I still think about him often,I long to see him to hear his voice.Things did not end well the last time we spoke we both agreed that we would work on our marriages and not contact each other.The love

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:37 AM on Jul. 27, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (16)
  • I have had for my husband doesnt even compare to how I feel about the ex. I am sad every day that I cannot contact the ex that we cant sdomehow work things out. I feel aweful for feeling this way I have never cheated on my husband and never will.We have talked about divorce because of this issue and a lot of other reasons I just dont know what to do.Should I tell the ex how I feel? I feel like shouldnt I have the right to be happy and possibly be with the man I have loved my entire adult life,another problem is that him and his wife were trying to work things out,and I would never want to be that girl who got in the way of that we both have children.My mind is telling me to just leave things as is I have a man who loves me very much but my heart is telling me something else
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:42 AM on Jul. 27, 2009

  • I think you are causing drama in your life because you feel bored. I use to think about loving someone else because things become so boring and stale. Really, think about what you have going for you and look at all the positives. I believe you grow to love another person but that can't happen if you keep dwelling on the past. A couple gets married and the love only grows. It won't grow if one person is pushing away. Seems like you are pushing away from dh to find someone else. That relationship could just be a figment of your imagination of how great life can be with the LOVE. If you truly have any compassion, you would think of all the kids involved in your decision and the number of people you are hurting. And by having feelings for another guy, you are cheating on your husband. To me, cheating is not only a physical act, the emtional act hurts more.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:50 AM on Jul. 27, 2009

  • I feel like its only cheating if there is lying involved which there is not I have been honest with all parties about my feelings through out all this which might be hard to beleive but it is true
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:02 AM on Jul. 27, 2009

  • You are suffering from "the grass is always greener" syndrome, and the truth is that getting involved with the other man will be absolutely no better than being with your husband because you would be taking yourself with you. The problem is that you are double-minded. In other words, you don't know what you want, and so you always are thinking that something else would be better. It's a very selfish thing to have a husband who obviously loves you or he would not have hung around for this long and children who need you to think of their needs, and all you seem to be thinking about is yourself and how you may have missed out on something better. You can control your thinking. Just because a thought of the other man enters your mind does not mean that you have to entertain it. If you would start replacing those with thoughts of your own husband and children and how blessed youa re to have what you have, your life would glow
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:06 AM on Jul. 27, 2009

  • Is it possible it is NOT the ex you are having this fantasy about, but instead the "image of your ex that you have created in your mind"?
    I am not saying that maybe, by some magical chance that the ex "isn't your long lost soul mate" What I am saying is that you really must decide "Is it worth the risk?" Are you willing to gamble everything you have today, on the chance that the 2 weeks you spent in a relationship with your ex was long enough for you to really know who he is?
    say_tay

    Answer by say_tay at 8:18 AM on Jul. 27, 2009

  • There is a reason the ex is before their name.
    Why ruin what there is now?
    bloodbought

    Answer by bloodbought at 8:36 AM on Jul. 27, 2009

  • many ppl cling to what could have been if only....That's fantasy. Reality is dh. Personally I think you should give the same energy effort to dh and just embrace the x as a favorable memory. Just in what you wrote, you are spending way too much energy on x and not devoting it to reality/dh. Work on priorities. Don't hurt a good man like dh just to chase a dream that may not work. Like was said in the above post, there is a reason he's an ex. If it was so perfect then you would never have left.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:04 AM on Jul. 27, 2009

  • You told your DH that you love another man (whom you haven't seen in 10yrs) more than him; and he's still there loving you wanting to work things out. You either need to woman up and fix your life and give him the love he obviously deserves or let him go to find a woman who can. You're being incredibly selfish and hurtful. You think by being honest with him you've done nothing wrong; sorry you just drove a knife into his chest and even if you pull it out that scar will remain there forever.

    How would YOU feel if he suddenly out of the blue told you his ex meant more to him than you ever could? Try putting yourself in someone else's shoes before you decide to be so honest again!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:52 AM on Jul. 27, 2009

  • yeah I understand what youall are saying the whole grass is greener thing in respose to that me and the ex were friends for 2 years and we only mutually broke up because we were both only 18 and felt we needed to concentrate on other things so it wsnt like we had a big falling out or anything. I have lived my life for my children for 10 years and dont feel like i am being selfish for wanting to be happy. I do infact know what I want but my probelm is like always I am trying to please everyone else in my life and thinking about everyone else first and that is why I havent spoken to my ex in a year and also broke off contact when I realized the feelings I had all these years were mutual. Idk if this was something new that just came up because me and my husband are having issues I could understand the whole fantasy thing the whole being in love with the idea of being in love but this is 11 years of feelings that will not go away
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:53 AM on Jul. 27, 2009

  • I would rather he be honest with me if he felt that way than me find out someother way or make me believe something that wasnt true,I do feel bad that my feelings hurt him but that is how I felt/feel and I felt he should know. I did not exactly say that in those words I believe I would be selfish not to tell him how I truely felt. I did not say I did nothing wrong I just do not feel that I cheated on him since I told him how I felt and was honnest about it.beleive me I do feel aweful that I feel this way.I do feel like he deserves someone who can love him like he deserves to be loved since I do not and that is one of the reasons we are talking divorce.My husband is no saint but thats another story
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:59 AM on Jul. 27, 2009

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