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Marriage advice

Ok, just to give you a run down. MY DH and I use to fight, physically, not anymore, we're in marriage counseling. He said the main problem for his attitude is because our DD slept in the bed with me. So, we started putting her in her crib, 2 painful weeks later, she's sleeping in her crib by herself. He says he has no respect for me. And I'm really trying. He wanted me to cook more, I cook, he wanted my daughter in her crib, she's there. I've done everything he ask yet he still claims he has no respect for me, why?
I feel like a dog jumping through hoops.
He says he's unhappy, I stress him out, yet he doesn't want me to leave or move. He constantly puts me down, calling me stupid, I just don't know anymore.
I tell him I feel like I'm walking on egg shells with him, and he tells me he feels he's walking on wet carbon paper with me. I ask why and he never tells me...anything.
If I've done something, he won't let me know.
HELP!!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:22 AM on Jul. 27, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • Maybe try getting involved in some things are that are just for YOU ... join a book club, or take tennis lessons, or join a gym, or take an art class - whatever interests you. If all you do is try to please him, then what is there of YOU for him to respect? You deserve happiness, and when you take steps on your own to make that happiness - then he will recognize that you are a valuable person, deserving of respect (and believe me, you are!). Good luck.
    jj.mominmd

    Answer by jj.mominmd at 9:34 AM on Jul. 27, 2009

  • Yes, I agree with the above poster. Screw trying to please him, do for yourself. Only you can make you happy. He will either shape up and give you the respect you deserve, or you will see that there is life without this JERK and move on. Sounds to me like he is not worthy of YOUR respect. Focus on yourself and your daughter.
    gramsmom

    Answer by gramsmom at 9:57 AM on Jul. 27, 2009

  • I was in the same type of marriage and I finally walked out on him with the kids. I just couldn't take it any more. It is vry painful to be in a relationship like that when you lose yourself and it starts being all about him. I also fetl like I was running through hoops and then I would end up in tears b/c I just couldn't do anything right. We also were in therapy to help us and it did for a little bit. But after a week it seemed to go back to the old ways. We never hit each other but the verbal abbuse was more than I can handle. It got so bad that he started doing it in front of the kids and thats what broke the camels back so to speak. I didn't want my children to be raised in a house where there was no respect. If nothing is happening ask yourself this.......Do you really want to spend the rest of your life living this way??? You have one life!!!
    I will say this I'm glad I did. I am finally happy. Good Luck!
    newlifewith3

    Answer by newlifewith3 at 9:59 AM on Jul. 27, 2009

  • I just wanted to say that you are not alone,maybe a seperation would do you guys some good
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:13 AM on Jul. 27, 2009

  • some men can't be pleased. Look up Narcissist and Passive -Aggressive men. See if your hubby fits the profile. if so, there isn't much you can do to please them.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:20 AM on Jul. 27, 2009

  • You two have gotten off to a bad start and you are reacting from the patterns that have been established. Reversing these things take time. There is a really good book on establishing boundaries in marriage. I think the author's last name is Townsend. Get that and read it. Also, start focusing your attention on the positive things that your husband does. Compliment him. thank him. Praise him. What you want to do is reinforce his good behavior and try to overlook the bad. That is not to say that you should never speak up, but just use extreme caution when doing so. Say things to him like, "I love it when you_________" or "I feel special when you______". By changing the way you speak to him, you can change the whole atmosphere of your home. When men's feelings have been hurt, the most common response manifested is anger. Women cry, men get mad. Your husband's anger is a sign that he has been deeply wounded.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 10:35 AM on Jul. 27, 2009

  • If you are in counseling, does your therapist know all of this? What he says about you, the things you have done because he has asked? If not, he/she needs to know. I hate to spread doom and gloom here but, sounds like you are doing all of this "hoop jumping" and for what? Nothing is getting better. He allows you to stress him out! Where is his accountability in all of this? Why doesn't he love you for who you are, rather than constantly trying to change you?

    I would say "Look, you make me feel bad about my self, and I'm no longer willing to put up with it." I think you need to take a good look around...plan for your future and your childs, forget about someone who seem to be toxic to you and your self esteem.
    salexander

    Answer by salexander at 10:35 AM on Jul. 27, 2009

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