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are there any sites where you can post your info/ story for birthmoms to see without paying for it??

just wondering, i havent found any myself yet. i dont want to feel like i am buying a baby~ paying for advertisements of yourself seems that way to me -- idk -- any personal experience with this would be interesting.

 
AmaliaD

Asked by AmaliaD at 4:04 PM on Jul. 27, 2009 in Adoption

Level 22 (12,263 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • I think the fact that this potential adoptive parent is concerned about not wanting to feel as though she is "buying" a baby is a positive sign. To me, it indicates that she has a conscience and wants to do the right thing and adopt in a manner that is ethical and moral. I commend her for this.

    The fact is that there are ethical and moral ways to adopt, and there are ways to adopt that are more like "buying" a baby. People who adopt have their own priorities, and some care about ethic practices and other do not.

    If there was a shortage of adoptable children in this world, I could understand a desperate measure like searching for a poor pregnant woman. However, there is no shortage of adoptable children. There are not enough adoptable perfect newborns to fill the needs, but there are plenty of children who need homes. Many moms are able to find children to adopt without advertising or marketing themselves.
    Southernroots

    Answer by Southernroots at 12:21 PM on Jul. 28, 2009

  • Sure. Here you can post for free, as well as myspace, yahoo and MSN live
    vbruno

    Answer by vbruno at 5:50 PM on Jul. 27, 2009

  • Why not go to an ethical adoption agency (or even better foster care) instead of looking for an expectant mom on your own? As a matter of educating you and others, a birth mom is a mother who has already relinquished a child to adoption. A pregnant woman, even if she is considering adoption for her child, is NOT a birth mother. You can post your story for free all over the Internet, but, again, why would you want to aggressively look for a pregnant woman who MIGHT want to relinquish her child?
    Southernroots

    Answer by Southernroots at 7:31 PM on Jul. 27, 2009

  • There are at least a dozen places on here to post. I would also suggest creating a website so you can direct them to a link. I know several women on here who found a match on cafemom and in at least a couple of them, they just posted actively in groups and the bmom sought them out based on learning to know them from conversations.

    There are some agencys that allow you to sign with no money up front but as I am sure you know, domestic adoption is often really expensive.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:58 PM on Jul. 27, 2009

  • OP - I just want to comment on looking for a situation yourself vs. using an agency, because we tried both. I know that many people have been successful at finding a baby to adopt by looking on their own, but it never worked for us. Like you, we didn't want to put out a lot of money. We did hear of many situations, but none of them led to a baby for us. We ended up adopting two children through Catholic Charities, both with special circumstances that made their adoptions very necessary. Our first adoption cost $5,000 plus the lawyer, the second adoption cost $10,000 plus the lawyer. Keep in mind that if you find an expectant woman on your own and she chooses to place with you, you will still be paying a lawyer. I have heard of many cases where this cost much more than either of our agency adoptions.

    I know it is overwhelming when you are trying to find the path to your baby. I wish you the best of luck!
    Iamgr8teful

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 12:00 AM on Jul. 28, 2009

  • OP, I send this with Blessings, and hope that GOD will see to it that a child whom is intended to be a part of your family, will come your way. I am curious though, as to why you do not feel that advertising and adoption, are NOT buying a baby??? Adoption is just that. You seek to find a young mother, whom, for many reasons, feels she cannot or will not be able to parent, then in a few months span, then in a few months span, she is prayed upon, convinced she really cannot care for her child, and in the end decides it is 'best" to give her child to a perspective mother, whom can do
    " better" than she herself is capable. When this is accomplished, you "pay' for and "buy' her child...this IS adoption. If you wish to be a part of this journey, I would think, it best to just except that this is how adoption works. Pre-matching has become quite the rage! Sincere wishes, C.J.
    ceejay1

    Answer by ceejay1 at 7:15 AM on Jul. 28, 2009

  • OP: My opinion is that GOD put the urge in my heart to adopt and GOD lead me to my method of letting my daughter's bmom know I was out there by leading her to my advertisement. GOD told her not to abort the baby and to seek adoption and GOD lead her to me and me to her. To accuse adoptive parents of buying a baby simply because they let their heart's wish be known is not only insulting to all adoptive parents but is highly insulting to the adoptee also.
    The poster above me is absolutely right, my child's birthmom was PRAYED upon, but certainly not PREYED upon.

    To your original question, Imgrateful answered a lot better than I can so I would back up her answer
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:49 AM on Jul. 28, 2009

  • My dad always said about us kids, that he "bought" us, that we were "his", because he had to pay the doctor & hospital bills. He also knew how old we were when we were "paid off." And yes, we were his bio kids. LOL!

    Seriously, though, in many cases, the adoptive family does pay the medical expenses, as if the child were their own at that point, even though they may or may not actually receive the child.
    doodlebopfan

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 9:48 AM on Jul. 28, 2009

  • When this is accomplished, you "pay' for and "buy' her child...this IS adoption. If you wish to be a part of this journey, I would think, it best to just except that this is how adoption works. Pre-matching has become quite the rage! Sincere wishes, C.J.

    I am not sure that "Sincere wishes" can follow such a comment.

    I thought that we had come a long way in the section about it being a place of 1) sincerely answering questions, 2) educating each other about "terminology" & "traps" for each party of the triad to watch for, & 3) a place of support for each other's journeys w/o judgment.

    And to ACCEPT that a PAP is "buying" a baby, would be just as asanine as an emom, "sellling" one. Usually what an adoptive-minded family feels is that they want to provide a loving home to a child who is being placed for adoption. Why would you want her to feel anything less?
    doodlebopfan

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 10:23 AM on Jul. 28, 2009

  • I think the fact that this potential adoptive parent is concerned about not wanting to feel as though she is "buying" a baby is a positive sign. To me, it indicates that she has a conscience and wants to do the right thing and adopt in a manner that is ethical and moral. I commend her for this. Quoting Southernroots.

    I am glad that I am not the only person to discern that she has a conscience.

    And I do agree with the ethical/unethical ways of adopting NOW. (I actually wasn't aware at the time we started.) I am also painfully aware that there is no "Adoption School" where, when you are starting to comtemplate adoption, someone tells you all the do's/don'ts and what path you should take so that you AREN'T perceived as a baby-buyer, baby-stealer, or someone "preying" on a "poor pregnant woman".

    In the beginning all we knew was to look in the ads, saw other PAP's advertising there, and noticed that there WEREN'T any...
    doodlebopfan

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 1:14 PM on Jul. 28, 2009