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20 yr old son -manipulation-any experiences?

My son has not held down a long term job in years. I am moving in a week. I told my son that he would need to have a job and be willing to pay rent or he would have to stay elsewhere. 4 weeks ago I gave my son a 5 week window to extensively look for work. He has not been looking. Instead he has been hanging out with his friends, partying, and letting them sleep all over my house, after I have gone to bed, and specifically after I told him that my home is not a hotel, but he continues to do it anyways. He text messaged me and said that he has decided that he is going to back to school to get his diploma. This is a week before I will be enforcing the consequence of not looking for job, putting him out. I feel like he is trying anything he can to not have to stay elsewhere and it sounds like it's in lieu of a job, too. Sounds like manipulation to me. Any one have any experience with this? thanks!

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dsweet01

Asked by dsweet01 at 8:24 PM on Jul. 27, 2009 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • make him learn the hard way, kick him out
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:26 PM on Jul. 27, 2009

  • He is a grown ass adult!! Boot him out cause I guarantee you that he is not going back to school and will still be there at the end of the year.

    I know that it is your son, but suck it up!! He has to learn
    kscmbz

    Answer by kscmbz at 8:32 PM on Jul. 27, 2009

  • I have to agree with the other moms on this. Son is using you and doing anything he can think of to not grow up and be an adult. He is going to have to learn the hard way. Sorry, I know you probably don't want to do that, but it needs to be done. GL.

    soonmommyof3

    Answer by soonmommyof3 at 8:34 PM on Jul. 27, 2009

  • my mom has had to go through this many many times with my brother. you need to kick him out.

    charisma10

    Answer by charisma10 at 8:44 PM on Jul. 27, 2009

  • Actions will always speak louder then words... I know my son is just now moving out and he is 21 and the only thing that is and has been was playing video games even after literally taking away the gaming machine it is time for TOUGH LOVE and he will thank you later remember that!!! I know it will be tough but he is no longer a child you can always tell him to go to back to School then you would consider helping him if he needs you. let his friends take care of him Stand firm and don't give in...try it...
    lilDonna

    Answer by lilDonna at 9:24 PM on Jul. 27, 2009

  • Let him know your glad he's going back to school. Maybe offer to help him do his laundry once a week since he is going to be so busy working to pay his way somewhere besides your house and going to school. Perhaps it would be good for him to return to college at a school with dorms. My parents kicked me out when I was 19. I had no car, no money, no job, and no place to go. My only skills were opening a beer bottle with a cigarette lighter & rolling a mean joint. The deadline came & I was out. I found a place to go real quick & got my act together.

    carlye828

    Answer by carlye828 at 10:03 PM on Jul. 27, 2009

  • I hate to say this b/c I know how hard it will be for you to do but......it's time to him to fly the coop. Be strong mama!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:19 AM on Jul. 28, 2009

  • He will only use you as a door mat until you stop letting him. Time for some tough love here. It is the hardest to give but he is a grown ass man...time to get off the boob and be one. He has broken every rule you have set...and you let him...and now he knows you don't mean anything you say. Move, change the lock and trust me his friends will get sick of him being a leach and he will pull his head from his ass. Don't give in.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:08 PM on Jul. 28, 2009

  • Kick him out. He can have a job and go to school i did it! And if you wake up in the night and his friends are in your home kick them out! Like you said its not a hotel.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:31 PM on Jul. 28, 2009

  • tell him to find good campus housing! stick to your guns, you won't be doing him or yourself a favor if you don't. That's not even good manipulation- its just pathetic.
    mrs_pulley

    Answer by mrs_pulley at 9:13 PM on Aug. 1, 2009

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