How can I put my mother n law in her place without hurting my husband's feelings?

Honestly I think it's first and foremost your HUSBAND'S job to stand up to his mother. Just as the other mom said...until he stands up to her nothing will change no matter what you do.

yep, they are right.
but, to make your husband stick up for you, try to talk to him in nice way, explain that you feel hurt when you hear "this or that", do not accuse his mother, you know what I mean?

Talk to your husband about his mother's poor behavior. Tell him how much it hurts you and what you would like to be discussed with her. I would let him talk to her about it. It will go over better coming from him and he will be on your side in the discussion.

I HEAR YA IM GOING THROUGH THE SAME THING. MY MEDDLING MOTHER IN LAW THINKS SHE KNOWS IT ALL. ITS HARD TO STAND YOUR GROUND WITHOUT HURTING SOMEONE'S FEELINGS. BEST ADVICE HAVE YOUR HUSBAND TALK TO HER.

I agree with the other answers.....He is responsible for his mom. you should be responsible for yours......If she only does stuff behind his back...insist he is present when ever she is around.