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Am I wrong to take baby 2000 miles away from her father?

I live on the east coast with my 13 month old. My family and friends live on the west coast. The only people I know here are my baby's father (whom I'm no longer in a relationship with, but we're still friends), and my doctor!!

Today I can to cancel yet another appt because my baby's dad couldn't babysit. I can't live like this anymore. I have no one to care for my daughter when I go to appts (the ones in which I can't take her with me- eg the dentist). If I get sick and go to the hospital, her father has no idea how to care for her. He doesn't even like changing diapers! His family hasn't made any effort to be in the baby's life. They are strangers to the baby.

On the West Coast, my stay at home mom sister is available to care for my daughter in case of an appt or emergency. I have 3 dozen adult cousins who have children and could do the same. I have a support system.



Asked by Anonymous at 1:49 PM on Jul. 28, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (24)
  • it isn't like she is ripping this child from his arms never to let them see eachother again. hun, it takes a village to raise a child. go to where you will have support. if he really loves you and wants to be with you- he can move too. if not, there is this lovely thing called the internet and frequent flyer miles that keep families "together". it isn't your job to do all the work to go against your anxieties, get a sitter, force yourself to make new friends, force yourself to make a life in a place that you dont feel apart of...while he won't even change diapers.

    just check up with an attorney just in case, though. feelings change with the wind.

    Answer by spazlilsister at 2:12 PM on Jul. 28, 2009

  • no, i dont think your wrong to take her to the west coast with you. it sounds like that would be best for you and your daughter.

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 1:51 PM on Jul. 28, 2009

  • I don't want to take my daughter away from her father, but I can't stay here either. I am getting so depressed over this situation. He wants a relationship with me again, but I'm not in love with him. His family and I don't get along, I have no friends here because my anxiety is so bad that it keeps me from going out and making friends. I feel sick to my stomach thinking about staying here for yet another long, cold winter (with the snow and freeze, etc). I feel stuck.

    What would YOU do? I don't mind your honesty, but please: no bashing. I don't think I can handle it right now...I'm on the brink of a nervous breakdown I swear.......

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:52 PM on Jul. 28, 2009

  • The above post is from the OP

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:53 PM on Jul. 28, 2009

  • yes that is wrong a girl needs her dad too! Do not do this to her get a nanney!

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:53 PM on Jul. 28, 2009

  • i would leave, i would take her to the west coast. yes children need their father, but it doesnt sound like hes the greatest father! you can find her a stepfather who will be just like a real father to her.

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 1:54 PM on Jul. 28, 2009

  • you are a grown woman now act like it suck it up and be a family. Love is a choice sometimes it will blossem-FIREPROOF MOVIE AND COFFEE!

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:55 PM on Jul. 28, 2009

  • You have the right to move but be prepared b/c he or his family could file for custody. I would talk to an attorney, even though you aren't married. You don't want to be packing the car only to be served & unable to leave the state. Does the father know you are thinking of moving? What does he think about that? I think you need to be where you can have the best support for yourself & your baby & if that is the West Coast with family, then you need to go for it. Just make sure you & baby are safe while you are leaving.

    Does the father pay child support? That might make a difference in how he feels about the baby leaving. If he doesn't, he might be glad you are going. I know that sounds harsh, but many guys are like that--they don't want the responsibility & out of sight, out of mind, kwim? If you want him to pay, remember it will be more complicated when you have 2 different state laws to handle. Good luck!

    Answer by funnyface1204 at 1:56 PM on Jul. 28, 2009

  • I'm assuming you're working? Can you not schedule your appts during your lunch hour or at the end of the day so you can go to them right before you pick her up from daycare?

    Answer by missanc at 1:56 PM on Jul. 28, 2009


    Answer by Anonymous at 1:57 PM on Jul. 28, 2009