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wondering if when i got married was a mistake?

i was 19 when we got married, in jan ill be 26. My husband is a lot older then me. With how things have been without giving myself in detail away. I was wondering if i am the only wife to wonder the what if's??
I know i love him but sometimes money does not provide happeniess no matter how much we work. we have one kid that will be four in feb. but im unsure if what is said that i have made a mistake on this marriage.

im completely confused.

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Asked by Anonymous at 11:57 PM on Jul. 28, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • If you still love him how is it a mistake? The grass is not greener as they say. Get out and have some different life experiences. Take a class that is out of character for you, or learn something new. Read about something different than you are used to.

    As far as money goes.. Its always something in a persons life that is a challenge. I would prefer it to be finances, than say health or love.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:00 AM on Jul. 29, 2009

  • I was 19 when I married my first husband. At first it sounded great, someone who wanted to have "the life". We met, moved in, got engaged, and married the same year. It all moved quick, but I thought it was just "love". I knew deep down, it wasnt. But I ignored that gut feeling and went with it. Throughout those 2 years we were married I got depressed. We were fine, had nice cars, nice house, etc. But I couldnt stand being at home. I cried going home. I took a 3rd shift job to avoid having a life with him. I was always asking myself "is this it?" "is this where it ends"? "this is my life now"? I drove myself crazy. I finally one day left. I knew it wasnt fair to myself or my ex. We didnt have children thankfully. But you have to do whats right. Dont waste your time or your partners when you could both be happy. Best of luck!

    Answer by sailfishmommy at 12:02 AM on Jul. 29, 2009

  • 7-year itch. It happens to all of us. Something that might help is to list the pros & cons of your relationship, mostly to see if there are any pros. You do have a child together, so that any decisions you make will certainly affect his life and future. I think 7 years is where we learn to be content. We aren't going to be going on many adventurous vacations or 2nd honeymoons soon. Life is probably getting monotonous, so do as the PP said. Shake things up! Remember what drew you together all those years ago. What was it about him? Why was HE the one? Rent a hotel room for the weekend, go out to eat, to a movie w/o cartoon characters in it. If those loving embers are going out, fan the flame! I have been where you are, and in that monotony is also security, safety, protection, and a long future. I always say that you marry "for worse, for poorer, & in sickness", because ANYONE will stick around for "better/richer/& in health".

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 12:45 AM on Jul. 29, 2009

  • You are not the only wife out there that has felt this way.

    Answer by Squeax at 12:47 AM on Jul. 29, 2009

  • You're not the only one for sure. My 16th anniv is in a couple of weeks and I've asked myself that question more times than I can count but deep down in my heart I know that it's all going to work out and that this too shall pass, tomorrow's a whole new day and best way to change it is to work on me and it'll bleed thru and change him too.

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 1:11 AM on Jul. 29, 2009

  • you are not the only one, i was married at 17 and we had a kid at 17 sometimes we both wonder and say the what ifs...but we talk to eachother telling eachother how we feel so that maybe we can fix the problem...

    one example is my husband went to iraq for a year and then came back a changed man...i felt i did not love him any more because he was not the man i married...i finally got the courage to talk to him about the way things are going and he didn't realize that things have been so hard on me since he got back...since then he has been trying his best to be the person he was and be the person he is...and i too the same...we both have changed, but we still manage to work things out...not for the children's sake, but for our sake. the children's sake is included, but to have a healthy relationship we must provide for our relationship solely and the kids solely because if there were a divorce we still need a good bond w/kids

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:12 PM on Jul. 29, 2009

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