Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Need Help With Controlling husband

well my hubby has always been a bit of a jerk but now its just to much! he refuses to let me go out with my sister to have a drink because she knows to many ppl and he "doesnt want me talking to anybody" what that means i have no idea?! i want to go back to school to be a nurse but he says if i go i will have to find daycare and a job because he will not help with OUR kids! but yet he refuses to let me get a job because i will not make nearly enough as him wtf?!thats why i want to go to school for! we fight almost everyday sometimes i want to leave but it feels like he has taken my independece away because we have been together for so long and he hasnt let me do anything that im scared i wont be able to provide a good life for my kids because when it comes down to it all i dont want it to be hardo n them especially my son who has special needs! help! imconfused please any advice (im not easliy offended so please be real)

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 1:32 AM on Jul. 29, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • Respect yourself enough to demand respect from him. If he doesn't like it, tough s***, you don't need that crap. He will change or leave, and you will be better off either way!
    It will be better for your kids to grow up with a mom who isn't in that kind of situation!

    Answer by ccspiratemama at 1:35 AM on Jul. 29, 2009

  • I know that you can't change the past, but this is exactly why you shouldn't live your life for a man, married or not. "Don't let someone become your everything, because when they're gone you have nothing!" I know he's not gone, but you get what it means. I would just tell him straight up, "You don't have a choice, I am going back to school && you're going to help me with OUR children." If he refuses, then tell him to hit the road. You should never be made to feel like a prisoner in your own home. If he truly loved you then he would support && encourage your dreams && ambitions, not hold you back. You have to live your life for you.

    Answer by HisMommySince07 at 1:44 AM on Jul. 29, 2009

  • This is a form of abuse called Isolation. I went through this with a boyfriend in college i thought i was going to marry. Unfortunately, this often leads to other forms of abuse to. Get some help please, i hate to see women treated like dogs. Your kids deserve a strong mom, you need to find that within yourself.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:47 AM on Jul. 29, 2009

  • Ok mama, I am good at real. Your husbands control issues will most likely escalate to abuse. Ask other survivors of abuse and they will nearly all tell you something identical to what you are telling us. Your choices are these: get while the gettings good, or demand he seek counseling. Mama dont ever forget, you are what you choose to be, so you have the ability to provide a better life for you and your little ones. It might be rough at first bt I know you will find your way. Dont forget child support. It can really help out.

    Answer by NightOwlMama at 1:47 AM on Jul. 29, 2009

  • You don't have a husband. You have a lord and master.

    You are not a wife. You are a hostage slave.

    You want to change things? you NEED to leave. Doesn't matter how long you've been together.

    Answer by gdiamante at 1:47 AM on Jul. 29, 2009

  • ok if you don't offended easily here's the reality...he does not love you you are merely a possession to him. a person who loves you wants you suceed wants you to have fun and relax and trusts you. please either convince him to go to marriage counseling as well as self otherwise my dear in order to find happiness and a great sense of self it may be time to create an exit plan.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:55 AM on Jul. 29, 2009

  • It sounds like he is scared to lose you. Maybe he just needs to be reassured that you are not looking for that. You just want to be a human. Try reassuring him (alot) before you choose divorce. Maybe once he feels secure, he won't be so controlling. I know it may sound crazy, but it sounds like he knows he has something really great and he doesn't want someone to "steal" you. He is just going around it the wrong way. Good luck.

    Answer by bellasrose71008 at 1:56 AM on Jul. 29, 2009

  • Ok. I am sorry, I did not read the last part of your question about you guys being together for a long time, and him taking your independence away. I thought maybe you guys were just starting out. Has he really tried to isolate you? from all family and friends? do you feel unsafe with him? does he listen to you? If you really stood up for yourself, would he change?

    Answer by bellasrose71008 at 2:01 AM on Jul. 29, 2009

  • He isn't respecting you. You need to command respect from him and let him know that his behavior will not be tolerated. You need to tell him that he needs to work on his attitude of leave. You're not his property. He doesn't own you. He isn't the boss. These kind of men make me sick. But what is worst to me is a woman who puts up with their crap. It's time for you to say ENOUGH! Believe me when I say, you can do better.


    Answer by SylviaNCali at 2:03 AM on Jul. 29, 2009

  • Only you know how bad things really are. Is he just insecure, or is he truly controlling. If he is controlling just because he views you as property, get help from a domestic violence advocate before choosing to leave, because he might harm you. If he is just insecure, work with him, let him know that you love him and are not looking for other men, or to go out na d mess around. Maybe that is all he needs to hear. Lol, I need to get off and go to sleep, I am not even sure I am making sense...

    Answer by bellasrose71008 at 2:04 AM on Jul. 29, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.