Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Do you think my DH and I have any chance? I really need some advice!

My DH is very controlling! He wants to tell me what to do, when to do it and how to do it. He never wants to hear any questions. I just have to do as he says. I am not good at being told what to do. To me, its not what you say, but HOW you say it. And when I dont do what he says, he says that I am not submissive and he can not be with a woman who is not submissive to him. He says thats what the bible says. For example, last night, after he came home from work, I wanted to go pick up some feminine items from walmart, which is only a block away. And he said NO, you can go tomorrow with the kids. Why do I have to drag my 9 month old twins just to go pick up a few things? Its so stressful shopping with my babies and I try to avoid it at all costs. And of course I grabbed my keys and told him that I would be right back.

Then he said if I leave, we are getting a divorce! WTF. WHy the mention of divorce?

contd

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:10 PM on Jul. 29, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • Every single arguement we have had siince we got together, he has always threatened to get a divorce if I dont do as he says. He says there cannot be 2 bosses in a home. He is the boss and I should do as he says. I try sometimes, but Gosh! I just cannot be treated like a child!!! I just need some advice. How do you get a successful marriage?


    He hasnt spoken to me today yet. He left for work without uttering a word. Then he sent me a text saying that he is not going on vacation with me anymore. We have been planning a vacation to Miami beach next month.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:13 PM on Jul. 29, 2009

  • That seems a little controlling and extreme of him to react that way. Has he always done that or is he just starting that way? Have you talked ot him about the way you feel and try to work things out? good luck to you!~
    Sillylins

    Answer by Sillylins at 1:14 PM on Jul. 29, 2009

  • Honestly I don't think you can make this one work. I'm sorry I know that sounds bad but a marriage isn't 1 person being a boss, it's being a team to decide things. If he's that controlling and threatening divorce around every move that you make I don't think he's in it for the long haul.
    Hannah22

    Answer by Hannah22 at 1:16 PM on Jul. 29, 2009

  • Sorry but if that was my husband i would say bye bye baby! Was he like this before you married him? I thought that being husband and wife meant you are equals and to me it sounds like he wants a pet not a wife!! I think you already know the answer to your question otherwise you wouldnt be looking for someone to help you to validate the answer which is "leave" or atleast tell him you want to go to some sort of counseling to show him thats not the behaviour of a loving husband. Good luck in which path you chose to take.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:16 PM on Jul. 29, 2009

  • id kick his ass....my husband asks me to do stuff for him and i do it, and when i ask him to do stuff for me he does it, if i dont want to do it for him or he doesnt want to do it for me we dont. and i dont want it any other way. if my husband told me what to do and was serious id kick him in the shin!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:18 PM on Jul. 29, 2009

  • Yeah, I had an EX like that.........
    HisMommySince07

    Answer by HisMommySince07 at 1:18 PM on Jul. 29, 2009

  • To the lady that says my DH wants a pet and not a wife, you are spot on!! He treats me like a damn dog! And I have actually told him that many times. He hasnt always been like this. He changed after we got married!

    To my DH, a wife can NEVER be equal to her DH! The DH is the master of the home and everyone does as he says. Especially when it comes to making decisions. Only what he says goes. My opinions do not matter and will not matter.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:23 PM on Jul. 29, 2009

  • O honey I really dont see it working for you because it is not right for him to control you that way. Relationships are based on communication and it is a 50/50 thing. He has no right to in total control and that's not fair to you because you have feelings and if you want to do something you should be able to do it without his approval.( Like go to the store). I dont know how you are doing it because NO body controls me. Me and my SO have our differences but we work through them together and compromise. You really need to tell him how you feel and get some counselling and if that don't work than its up to you where to go from there. Just remember that you are a person to and you have the right to speak up and be independent ( not somebody's slave). Good luck hon

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:24 PM on Jul. 29, 2009

  • you said the answer in your question
    you want to make the marriage work (two equal partners)
    but
    you said he treats you like a child (parent child realtionship

    you do not have a marriage
    if he does not agree to marriage theraphy (and i am guessing he will not even consider it)
    you need to get out=he will not change

    sorry
    boredmom44

    Answer by boredmom44 at 1:26 PM on Jul. 29, 2009

  • This is exactly why I dont want to get married. I dont want anything to change.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:27 PM on Jul. 29, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.

Next question in Relationships
The in laws!!