Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

a question about death..

my grandfather passed away and he wasn't to close my children never got close to him and we barely saw him. should my 5 yr old and 8 yr old attend the wake and funeral? and am I suspose to mail a card to my grandmother?

I showed a picture of them to my boys and they didn't even know who he was. I haven't told them yet either. what should I do?

 
r00j04j08

Asked by r00j04j08 at 2:43 PM on Jul. 29, 2009 in Just for Fun

Level 16 (3,000 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • I would tell them. It is time to have the talk about death, in my opinion, so decide what you want to tell them about it. It is a toss up, but I'd take them to the funeral, too. My children were about this age when there were two deaths in the family. Don't over-explain. Keep it matter of fact. If it is out of town, then it is possible that a neighbor might be happy to watch them and the house during the viewing. It might actually be better for the children for their first encounter with the death of a relative to have it be someone they didn't know well.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 2:53 PM on Jul. 29, 2009

  • i say dont tell them, you go and pay your respects..
    ArlieBeeMee

    Answer by ArlieBeeMee at 2:47 PM on Jul. 29, 2009

  • You need to do what's in your heart for yourself. No, don't take the kids. Rather than send a card to your Grand, maybe send flowers in a few weeks....after people stop seeing to her.
    EireLass

    Answer by EireLass at 2:51 PM on Jul. 29, 2009

  • Iwouldn't take the kids, personally. But do show your condolances to your grandmother. A lose is hard on anyone, no matter how close you may or may not have been.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:54 PM on Jul. 29, 2009

  • Forgot to answer the second question. Yes, send a card with a personal note. Send flowers for the funeral. Your grandmother will notice and will wonder if you don't. The letter and the flowers are for her, to show her that you are thinking of her. It really would be best if you are there- I am speaking from experience. When my grandfather died I was at a loss and wanted to just hide in my corner. But my mother made me go sit with my grandmother, who took my hand and just sat with me. Then she said that she wondered why I hadn't written or called. The surviving relative needs lots of care, she needs to know that you are there for her.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 2:56 PM on Jul. 29, 2009

  • the hardest part of this is my father died 7 years ago on Aug. 1 and my father died yesterday. My father got in his accident that put him on life support on July 28, my grandfather died shortly after 12am July 29. My grandfather will be buried on Aug.1.. seven years after my dad died. Also my father died two years to the day after his bilogical father died.
    I don't want to take my 5yr old because he is having surgry tuesday and I don't want to scare him.
    r00j04j08

    Answer by r00j04j08 at 2:59 PM on Jul. 29, 2009

  • I actually agree with Bmat. At first I thought leave them at home, but she has a very good point. It is going to be more of a shock if their first experience with death is someone they are close to. This is a good way to let them begin to understand it, yet have some emotional distance from it as well.
    casperskitty

    Answer by casperskitty at 3:00 PM on Jul. 29, 2009

  • my father was her son. he was 45.
    r00j04j08

    Answer by r00j04j08 at 3:00 PM on Jul. 29, 2009

  • You don't have to explain to your son that people sometimes die in surgery. Then he won't have any reason to be afraid.

    Hope the surgery isn't major. Good luck.

    And you don't have to actually take them to the funeral. You can wait until after the surgery and then tell them about your grandfather. You can show them the picture to remind them who he is.
    casperskitty

    Answer by casperskitty at 3:04 PM on Jul. 29, 2009

  • Thats how my kids were with my grandfather(who passed 3 wks ago). Didnt know him well and didnt see him often.
    However, we went to his funeral as a family. They did not go into the viewing or the graveside, we had sitters watching them but they were there for the funeral part and luncheon afterwards.

    It was a great comfort for my mother(was her dad) and my grandmother to have them there. It brought them some joy during a rough time.

    If you arent going to go then definately send a card and/or some flowers. My grandmother LOVED all the flower arrangements she got.
    Amaranth361

    Answer by Amaranth361 at 3:21 PM on Jul. 29, 2009